Day 46 blog 41 can't sleep and can't post on iphone

day 44 blog 40 rested and feeling great!

ok, you know i'm feeling great when i wake up, wide awake and energized before 7...both children were nursing again and i usually sleep through this or am half awake, foggy, exhausted, and go right back to sleep. but this morning i just woke straight up almost at the end of a dream...a good, vivid, detailed dream...it included a massage (which i love and am long overdue for), time with an old dear friend, brunch, a glass of wine (just told an old friend in the napa valley, pete, i hoped to meet him for a glass of his wine...his wine is selling really well and sounds exactly like the style i would love...big, bold, full-bodied...we were housemates back in the day), a visit with my elderly neighbor growing up (she had fixed up a room in her house for the children...complete with a canopy bed to sleep/snuggle in...somehow this tied back to my dad and gave me peace...like life goes on and cycles back to the little ones who live on...not sure how to explain this..) of course it is now barely past 7 and both children are awake and trying to see what i'm doing...so i need to cut this short...

just wanted to refer you back to my previous post to try out that 24 hour detox as it has done wonders for not only how i feel physically but emotionally....i have SO much energy right now it is crazy...oh, and i posted another breastfeeding photo from our hawaii trip as my mastitis is almost gone and i have two happy vivacious nursers...back to drink some more cleansing tea and to see how to maintain this high...story is appropriately nursing as i type...

day 43 blog 39 "ju-ju"

my internet is still very spotty, briefly on my husband's laptop so i'm limited to his photos...but the good news is that i am MUCH better...tonight story was reaching for some juice and said "ju-ju"...some combo of "jue-jue" and "goo-goo" but he was very clear what he wanted...

i had some really disgusting digestive issues (too much information already) along with the mastitis so i decided to do a 24-hour detox plan from one of my favorite health resources, Linda Page's "Healthy Healing"...i have the 12th edition which seems to have more info than a previous edition i loaned to someone but the good news about some older editions is they have more info in some areas (like juicing recipes) that she later split off into a new book. i will be writing more about this book and my quest for health later but for now i feel SO much better that i am sharing with you my version of the detox she suggested on page 173:

"evening before you begin...have a green leafy salad (i didn't do this)...dry brush your skin before you go to bed to open pores for the night's cleansing eliminations. take an herbal laxative (didn't do these two, either)...next day take fresh juices, herbal drinks, water and a long walk (i took a 50 minute walk around 5 p.m.)
--on rising: take 2 tbsp fresh lemon juice, 1 tbsp maple syrup and a pinch cayenne in water
--breakfast: cranberry juice from concentrate
--mid-morning: 1 handful dandelion greens, 3 fresh pineapple rings and 3 radishes (i juiced these but put too many radishes or they were too big or something so it was pretty bitter)
--lunch: a glass of apple juice with 1 packet chlorella granules dissolved (i had caplets that i opened up instead...just guessed how many...maybe 2 teaspoons worth?)
--mid-afternoon: a cup of Crystal Star "Cleansing and purifying tea"
--dinner: a glass of papaya-pineapple juice for enzymes
--before bed: miso soup" (i'm adding extra sea greens)...water is heating for this now...

i felt better by late morning...i'm totally a believer in a cleanse...anyway, i'm off to bed...leaving for northern california saturday morning...hope to have full time internet when i'm back and be back to a post a day...

day 41 blog 38 "yucky yizard" (mastitis revisted)

this was a "just breastfeeding" photo although i have a lot of actual ones...i'm using manuel's laptop again with lots of cords attached and "two ones" competing for my attention...i have mastitis again...a sign i need to slow down and take better care of myself including eating better, less, less fat, less sugar, less fried foods, more sleep, more exercise....the usual. today sea was nursing and i asked her if the milk tasted different and she said it tasted like a "yucky yizard" (lizard)...hopefully she doesn't really know what a lizard tastes like...she still switches "L's" and "Y's"...asks to sit on my yap...i don't have the time for this post but i was reading some interesting article on the relationship between a sluggish liver, breast issues like mastitis and unresolved/unexpressed emotions like anger and depression...my health posts will have to come after i get well and back from my trip...off to balance being productive and getting some rest...HA! however you do that...tips welcome...

day 41 blog 37 twisted

i'm on my husband's laptop...battery almost dead, on and off internet connection, random photos to choose from, children stirring in the other room ready for me to come to bed...so yeah, i can't catch you up...but i have many things to blog about once i get the computer up and running, oh yeah, and also once i get back from a trip up north for my sister-in-law's baby shower. so tomorrow is my last chance to get in a few posts before i leave thursday thru tuesday...so that means i need to get like 10 posts in within say 2 days to catch up to a post a day? i can't feel too guilty since the computer/internet issues are beyond my control...but i feel a bit like sea in this photo like i'm all twisted...

Router down...give me a few days...

day 36 blog 36 first day of 2nd year of preschool

ok so this first photo isn't the best angle but sea was literally running out the door to let the first friend in...SO excited about starting school again...for those of you who do not know, i am part of a wonderful community of passionate and talented mommies and their children in a co-op preschool. we've been going for just over a year now and i should do an entire post on how it started, what our vision/ideals were and how they have evolved...but if i start on that i won't get to all these photos i posted from wednesday's "first" back to school themed class...so i'm going to let the photos do most of the talking and just supplement with what we did...here is sea literally biting her lip/fingers etc. with anticipation...you can see the easel, patchwork blanket for circle time and school related toys in the background:
more excitement before ru even made it in the door...
sea pointing to the welcome back to school sign she helped make...
story out of focus but so, so happy himself...
welcome back to school sign...sea made glasses and signed her name...colored herself orange...
i try to minimize tv/videos but let them watch a richard scarry (yes, old school, from the 70's and my childhood) video on the ABC's...miss honey the teacher leading huckle, lowly...oh and the quilt they are sitting on was made out of my dad's old shirts and neckties...
front view of ru and sea mesmerized by tv...
ella's new baby sister violet only a few weeks old...
ella packing a lunch...the three girls each filled their own lunch boxes even though we ate together...
gabe playing doctor with his mom...
right before everyone left i tried to get a group photo of the older kids holding letter books with the first letter of their names...i've included several attempts at getting them all to look at me...



finally, since i got very few photos of the actual bulk of what we did in preschool, i took some of the props after the fact...so to summarize, char came over early to cook her tasty indian fare while ru, sea and story watched the video...then once the rest of the group started arriving we sang our welcome song in a circle...then read books about going back to school...dr. seuss' abc book...asked them questions about what people do at school...here are some of the props...a backpack, school bus, coloring pages, crayons, books, playground, lunch box...
a close up of the coloring pages...school, bus, playground, lunchtime...
sea liked driving the kids in the bus...giving each of them a book to read...
this was the picture book we used to ask the kids about different aspects of school...
school means so many different things to different people...i'll have to do a future post on my ideals for kindergarten for sea...i haven't given up on the idea of homeschooling, either...

thanks to my coop friends and family for making last year so memorable...looking forward to blogging regularly about what we are learning, unlearning, creating, experiencing together...

day 35 blog 35 "momma, come inside my tent..."

sea has a canopy tent over her bed...only it always falls down...so today she created her own tent out of her curtains and their liners:
here you can see her silhouette inside:
once she saw i had a camera she started making funny faces:
but she wanted me to play inside...so i put the camera down and took a moment:
and stole a kiss..."i love you TOO much...":
her blueberry eyes and sweet smile can pull me in any day...

day 35 blog 34 second chances

thought i'd put one of my favorite photos of all times here to motivate me. i could use some second chances in my life. in many areas. that i'm not going to list, write about, analyze, try to understand, and generally stall from getting things done. so i know i am now technically one day behind on blogging everyday but if i get enough done today i will allow myself to blog again tonight (maybe about the first day of sea's 2nd year of co-op preschool yesterday)...but no more procrastination for now...

day 33 blog 33 in my dreams

there are a lot of photos i could have chosen to depict me "dreaming" or reading to sea and/or story in this rocking chair...but this one seemed to capture the half awake/half asleep reflective state i was just in...i could literally hear the white noise, hum of traffic through my sliding room door, wind chime dinging, sea chatting to herself "reading a book" in the other room, itunes on random blaring in the front room...and still managed to half fall asleep to the rhythmic sucking of story putting himself to sleep on top of me.

in those moments of peace...which are very rare and usually interrupted before i'm ready...i was able to have a short dream about my dad. i think about him all the time and get very depressed over the loss of him, but in these moments i'm about to describe i was just present with him...literally inside him kind of...like symbolically i was sitting on his lap as a small child while he read to me (as i had just done with sea before putting story to sleep) but i felt like i was inside of him looking out at life as a parent (?) not sure how to explain this...like i was re-living what he must have experienced parenting me...enjoying time sharing his passion for reading and me soaking it up as sea had with me...in this particular moment he was showing me his journal and i was looking closely at his writing so as not to miss anything...actually, i was looking for his entry...he was talking about how he had left it for someone and the details don't really matter...i felt in the dream like he had created his own time capsule (i had just read a fellow blogger, kristin's blog about a time capsule her mom made of their family memories and wanted to do this myself)...and i wanted to be sure i didn't miss anything and knew where to find it later...another reason why i was dreaming about this is that i'm about to start up the co-op preschool and i want to have an art journal (idea, again, from my neighbor julie's blog who has an online art journal class) for each of the children...basically keep track in writing and art work what we are doing in class each week, milestones, what the children like, what they think about, etc....i'm looking forward to blogging more on this topic in the future as i have a lot of great ideas...

well it is always painful when i think about my dad and i'm already checking out of this topic so to speak. i knew i needed to write about it right away to hold any memory of it. it was a wonderful moment "with" him in a past connected sort of way and i felt incredibly peaceful while it was happening...especially since i realized i wasn't quite dreaming nor was i completely awake...i could just be in that moment and experience peace, so that was nice...

but now i'm off to "to do" lists that are too long and basic parenting i've been neglecting that i must cram in to the now very small window that story is still asleep...

day 32 blog 32 sleep craziness

i swear sleep issues are taking over my life...tonight sea was down before 8 (?!?) and though story was in bed with her at the same time, he did not go to sleep until a few moments ago...so over 2 hours in a bed convincing a child who is behaving like he is in this photo (laughing, wiggling, squirming, throwing himself around,etc.) is enough to make someone crazy...i know all you "cry it out" folk are saying "see! we didn't have to go through this..." so i'll just drop the issue before going in to the pros and cons of lying down with my children/nursing them to sleep...i really have much more interesting topics in my head and life that i hope to share when i'm not so tired...

day 31 blog 31 fruit tart

i've loved sugar since an early age...this was possibly me with my first birthday cake? so no, not the fruit tart...just wanted to do a quick follow up post...i went four solid days without any high fat, dairy, sugary, fried or overly carbed out foods until last night my neighbor julie had a sky show party at her house and one of her friends brought a yummy fruit tart. imagine light, buttery, flaky crust, a layer of dark chocolate, creamy vanilla custard of some sort and lots of fresh fruit like strawberries, blueberries, kiwi, peaches...i swore i had a photo of one of these from back in the day...anyway, i had two solid pieces...and then had a large chai latte today with my dear friend that visited from out of town (more about her and her creative writing that inspires me later)...but back to the fruit tart...this reminded me of fond memories of college and afterwards in the napa valley. saint helena is possibly one of my favorite little towns in the world. very quaint, small community, gorgeous yet simple craftsman and victorian homes, lots of trees, flowers, bright yellow mustard growing between rows and rows of grape vines...i can do a napa valley post with photos later...anyway, the model bakery is my favorite bakery in the world (ok, i haven't quite made it everywhere, but in my travels)...intimate, personal, friendly close-knit community hang-out along with delicious food...great variety, fresh local and seasonal ingredients...not cheap, though...anyway, i'm going to try to go back to not eating sugar, fat and limited dairy (yogurt) for a little longer but just wanted to report on my slip up...

day 30 blog 30 foodie

i love food. i always have. my dad used to say that he "ate to live" but that my mom and i "lived to eat" and in some ways i could see that. i have had a pretty fast metabolism until recently so i've been lucky that for most of my life i could "eat anything" without it really showing. i'm realizing as i start to free associate on this topic that i could do several posts on food...and health...and on being a hypochondriac and all that i associate with those three topics...

but for now, this photo with my sister was taken at least 5 years ago when i lived in sacramento. at a little cafe i loved called "cafe bernardo"...i'm eating a salad sampler...i waited tables for 16+ years...one of my first jobs starting in junior high, then high school...all thru college, graduate school and even up until i was pregnant with sea...i did it in part for the good and easy money but also because i love being around food. i can sell it because i believe in it, love it, enjoy it myself.

so most recently i'm writing about food because with this mastitis issue i've been reading up on what sort of diet i could have to relieve symptoms and this has lead me to the conclusion that beyond being vegetarian and trying to eat organic as much as possible, for me i really need to cut back on sugar, fat and empty carbs...i could eat brunch food every day...pastries, cookies, donuts, breads of any sort...i feel like i always need dessert to finish my meal...

another quick free association related to my love for sugar...my friend andrea (who has an awesome food blog, by the way...keep meaning to do a post on her...) told me that she learned somewhere that a craving for sugar can be your body's way of telling you that you need more protein in your diet...makes sense in my case as i don't feel i get enough protein as a vegetarian...readers, i'd love tips on how you get vegetable proteins in your diet...like i love lentils and rice, beans and rice etc. combos...she is also one who believes in eating for your blood type. i started reading the book on this and had to laugh as early on it indicated people with blood type O like myself should eat (i'm paraphrasing) "primarily animal protein"! HA! i chuckled to myself...i've been vegetarian my whole life so who knows how i would be different today if i'd been eating meat all along...oh well, this wasn't going to change my mind...i have many reasons for continuing to be vegetarian that i could go in to later...to be fair, i really should read this book as i could supplement other types of protein...

ok so back to cutting sugar, fat and simple carbs out of my diet (i'm really all over the place in this post, sorry! these ideas are not linear but related to a lot of things!)...i think i could have had an eating disorder at some point if i didn't love food so much...i love the control aspect related to choosing what goes into my body and how it affects me...unfortunately i love so many unhealthy things more than i love the feel of being healthy...so i'm trying to change that...

i ate at whole foods today with my mom (she doesn't have one by her house so she likes to go there regularly when i visit and i like to go because it is a treat since i usually can't afford to eat there). i had a seaweed salad with a yummy asian vinaigrette (i would totally get this again) and some avocado, hummus, veggie sandwich...usually i love walking around and eating all the rich cheese samples...and of course this particular day they also had dark chocolate (the fairly "healthy" kind rich in antioxidants and made with pure ingredients) covered foods...like strawberries which i almost tried to justify to myself...they also usually have some pastry or bread or something which i purposely didn't look for...my other usual item there is a large, hot yerba mate latte made with whole milk (i like it creamy)...but i'm also trying to cut back on too much dairy and caffeine so i went without this splurge...i did buy several bottles of kombucha (see my previous post on this topic...oh wait i can't find it and don't care enough to obsess about it...more on this another time i guess...sorry no link!)...this elixar (sp?) makes me feel more alive but healthy at the same time...

so last night manuel and our family went out to eat at a buffet and the salad bar and 1 enchilada i allowed myself just didn't quite cut it...i passed up SO many desserts i was salivating over and didn't even get the cup of coffee i usually sip slowly and savor...so i know i need a balance on these things. for now i'm trying to eat super healthy with lots of raw veggies, complete proteins, miso soup, etc...

finally, i'm a very social eater, too. i'll plan all sorts of events around food and eating with people. i have many, many, many fond memories with friends and family that are tied to specific meals and places and i still associate those when i eat those things or go there...

will update and let you know how that is going...i'm up because the children were nursing so much i couldn't sleep. but i'm tired, now, so i think i can go back to bed for a couple of hours...tell me about your issues with food (what you love, how it relates to your life, how nutrition has improved your life, etc)...

i'll leave you with an old school dorky photo of myself taken probably 10 years ago when i was working at piatti...i believe i literally have my mouth full in the photo (which is appropriate!)

day 29 blog 29 sorry about yourself

how do they go from the above picture to the below picture so quickly?

today sea said "mom, you need to stop feeling so sorry about yourself" (some version of sorry for yourself which i later found she got out of one of her little books but it did seem an appropriate time to ask the question since i've been moping around so much)...related to that, i've felt like my family has gotten the short end of the stick in my time management and priorities recently...i just read a well-timed blog post by a fellow mommy, amanda, that helped me refocus...so if my blogs are a little weak in the next week or so, it is because i'm focusing on my family...

oh, and if you didn't take the extra second to click on the video in the previous post (day 28) just watch a minute or so....you'll see how much our family adore one another and my kids are just too cute for words...

day 28 blog 28 waking up

LOVE this snuggle time just waking up...sorry you have to watch it sideways!

day 27 blog 27 succumbing to sleep

090909 i love the symmetry of those numbers and felt like they should mean something today. like a fresh and positive start...making free associations and random connections per usual, manuel and i started dating on the 27th back in the day...but no time for analysis tonight. i still have mastitis and i'm off to sleep to try and get better...

day 26 blog 26 sleep

i should be sleeping. but i was getting anxiety over not blogging. and the two ones were nursing too much and i felt like they were making more milk instead of draining my plugged duct...so...i don't feel much better. fever is reduced, but still achy...breast is still huge, swollen, lumpy, red, sore...my mom comes tomorrow afternoon and i'm going to get as much sleep as i can. drink more fluids. take it easy. all things i should have been doing for awhile now. my body feels so run down. i'm too tired to search for a cute sleeping photo to supplement this post. and i have a lot of them. eventually i hope to post on "health"...but i can't start with any more lists of things i should be doing. i need to go back to sleep.

day 25 blog 25 mastitis

very swollen, red, painful breast...flu-like symptoms, shaking, chills, feeling sorry for myself...lecithin granules, oj, vitamins, lots of water, hot bath, massaging breast like crazy, two nursing children...worn out and off to bed...would love more tips for relieving this!

day 24 blog 24 beach, beach and more beach

i really wanted to blog the details of all the time we have spent at the beach but per usual i am too exhausted...so suffice it to say that manuel took last friday off and we spent 3 full days at the beach last weekend and now with labor day we will be at the beach 3 full days this weekend (we left the beach at 7 tonight if that tells you how long we stay there!) details at some point when i'm not so tired...the photos really speak for themselves, though...