tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24647347188420970062024-02-20T06:33:11.014-08:00mommy's journey"it is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end"--hemingwaydenisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.comBlogger535125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-36780319684144108332014-09-13T07:34:00.000-07:002014-09-13T07:34:35.660-07:00mini-mid-life crisis, focusing on what matters, connecting...chapter 4<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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this photos was taken on story and sea's first day of 1st and 4th grade.<br />
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it has been a year and nearly a month since i last wrote. in some ways i've continued writing in my head, random journals, e-mails, facebook, etc. but it isn't the same. there are many reasons i stopped writing, but i'm not analyzing those for this post. i woke up this morning nearly jumping out of bed needing to write. i had gone to bed next to sea who was crying (and trying to hide her tears, chin up and smile/laugh through it). i had told her it was alright to be sad, her tears were telling her something and i wanted to hear what she was upset about. but she felt like she needed to be strong, in control, above sadness and maybe even be happy for me (one of my childhood issues i had hoped to not pass on to her). she doesn't want me and my m to leave on a trip to berkeley (conference for him) this next weekend and just wanted to "be with me". i have mixed feelings about being needed...independence versus independence...these have been life-long struggles and i think they both are important but in this moment i was alright she felt dependent and wanted to snuggle her 9-year-old body on top of my lap. doing so i realized just how big she has gotten. by big i mean "growing up" and not size, though i realize they go hand in hand. my son on the other hand had been like me with regards to the departure of my parents "can you stay away an extra day?" he was looking forward to the adventure and socializing with mimi, auntie and cousins.<br />
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so back to my daughter since this was where my focus was going to bed. we hadn't gotten resolution on her feelings and what we were going to "do" though she got some comfort with the idea maybe they could go ice skating while we were gone. we went to bed with me hugging her and not trying to offer a quick fix. i had been reading J.D. Salinger's daughter Margaret's memoir "Dream Catcher" and over-relating with some of the crazy things from her childhood...mainly the way she dealt with her feelings and slow development of her identity and being true to herself through her desire to please her dad and be a "good girl". the struggle for perfection and the shame of not measuring up...sea had been excited to write a narrative for school..."the adventures across the mountains" in the vein of chronicles of narnia and the hobbit with more fantasy thrown in than i was attracted to at her age (or maybe because i wasn't exposed to it?). i was excited her teacher mr. l, who is very passionate about teaching and looks at his students as his family, had told her he would teach only writing if he could. sea has always loved telling stories through her drawings and reading stories but i've always hoped she would also share my love for writing. not even what she produces, just the experience of writing being part of who you are, something you are compelled to do but brings you great joy/meaning/answers questions...i'm not sure what it does but it is something i must do to be true to myself and i wanted to share this with my daughter at some point. i've been trying to let her be who she is without the pressures of what i hope for her. this writing is all over the place. good thing it is just an un-read blog where i get my ideas down :)<br />
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the point i was trying to get at is when i went to bed last night i was thinking about my role as sea's mom, my own experiences of childhood, what i wanted for her and her childhood, lessons of life she could take beyond this incident...and in the back of my head were the ideas about sea loving to write (and missing writing myself) and relating with the memoir i was reading right up until i was too exhausted to stay up any more. so when i woke up this morning i HAD to write. i'm still not clear that i have anything in particular to say, but i've missed this part of myself so much i need to rearrange my other priorities to make it nearer to the top. i also woke up with the idea that sea is almost grown up...not an adult, but almost to the point where she will look to her friends and people outside of me and her dad for answers. she will try to differentiate herself from us and not want to sit on my lap and cry because she will miss me. so i'm on the horizon of a new chapter in our lives.<br />
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i was thinking about the mini-mid-life crisis i've been having over the last few months and though i don't want to go into that here (not enough has been resolved...i keep adding more variables in!), i'm sure that will be important blog material if i do allow myself to write more frequently. one of the variables is my struggle with narcissism...from my childhood, in myself, in my husband's childhood, etc. and how not having your own childhood needs met means you limit the childhood your children get become overly focused on oneself. i've had a life long struggle with being someone who genuinely loves helping others, giving of myself quite unselfishly, having a "good heart" as my husband calls it...usually this gets me praise and appreciation and i can find myself through the reactions of others but as a mom and wife over the past few years i realize this giving can mean taking from those you care the most about. not balancing what matters in the pursuit of giving and doing more. so recently i've gotten much better at saying no. and not only being ok with it but HAPPY about it as a sign of mental health and good for the people i'm turning down, too. i tell them i will help them find someone instead of being that someone :) i haven't fully resolved how to be true to myself and my genuinely giving nature while focusing on my number one priority of my husband and children. this will be a huge theme in the near future.<br />
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even as i typed that last idea i was aware that subtracted me from my daughter. she is an old soul who thinks about big, existential issues and has a certain confidence she got from both myself and her dad...i'm just worried it is a false confidence and i want her to truly know who she is and be that, not who she thinks we want her to be. i haven't been a very good role model on this. so i feel like i need to fix myself (again, to be perfect) to show her how to be but really more than that i want to show her we all struggle and it is more about HOW you struggle, how you deal with the negative, pain, hurt, sadness and use it to learn something and be true to yourself instead of shutting down, cutting off the pain, trying to be good, perfect, etc. i want to be real with her and show her all sides of myself including the floundering and show her how i get through. i want to connect with her while i do this so she knows i not only have her back, but really want to know HER and be be there through her experiences. i want her to share her secrets and fears with me. i want to listen to her stories both imaginative and real. i want to BE THERE not only being physically present but actively involved and PRESENT, feeling what she is feeling and how i feel in response.<br />
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this is getting too psychological and abstract. one positive change i've made in my life recently is exercising more. i feel like i need to get off this computer and go "quick walking" as i call it...nearly as fast as i jog but without the bounce and strain on my joints. i've found i need to go at least 20 minutes, shoot for 30 and if i get 40 it is the golden number for me (back to OCD issues and trying to control things--not sure what this perfect number means really).<br />
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i usually try to end an idea by "wrapping it up". i don't really have a wrap up for these ideas and real life mommy, wife, daughter, individual issues i've been struggling with. it is a process. but i suppose i'll try to have a goal instead. i titled this "chapter 4" because i look at my childhood (adolescence, college age and early adulthood) as chapter 1...finding and being ok with who i am...chapter 2 would be my relationship with m and being ok with being connected to someone(these issues are still spilling in to the present chapter)...chapter 3 would be figuring out my role as mom staying home with my children...so i suppose now that they are both in school i am on to chapter 4...i'm not sure what that chapter holds but i'm terming it a "mini-mid-life crisis" because i have to throw a lot out, resolve things i've held on to that don't work, demons i haven't faced, integrating and overcoming my weaknesses, allowing myself to be more vulnerable and real, focus on what really matters and connect...these are just a few of the ideas in my head before i head off to go on a fast walk. i suppose this post is more of an introduction to what will be than adding on to the end of what is. it feels like i should start a new blog. one that doesn't focus on myself like "mommy's journey" does. but ultimately this is my story. that is the nature of a blog. i can bring other in through what i share and how i connect, but it is still told through my experience. maybe my walk will help me clarify what i'm searching for in chapter 4.denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-20469920277759572342013-08-15T10:29:00.000-07:002013-08-15T10:29:13.049-07:00the last couple weeks of summer<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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i posted this top photo on facebook with the caption "love giving my children the gift of boredom"...this really has been one of my goals for the summer...to have as few plans/schedule as possible and to allow my children to find their natural rhythm playing with each other, creating, time outdoors, climbing trees, riding bikes, drawing, reading, etc. i love the peacefulness i feel imagining my daughter creating a story under the olive tree next to the pond in our back yard...she found this space on her own when she was bored.<br />
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story has been riding his bike out in the front yard a lot this summer. he just gears up with his helmet and heads out the door...<br />
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i adore this photo of him...it captures his smile and innocence coupled with his creation of a bug habitat....<br />
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a few days ago his super wiggly tooth finally fell out (he was afraid to touch it unlike sea who wiggled and yanked until she pulled out most of her own teeth)...this was the point where i realized he is growing up and "big" instead of my little preschooler...<br />
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just over 2 weeks left of summer before they are both off to school...i'm reminiscing about the years of cooperative preschool we experienced together...getting ready to offer advice to someone looking to create their own preschool and missing those days myself but blessed by the place we are at in our life and trying to appreciate each stage as it comes...here sea and story wanted to walk home from our community pool down the street...love their carefree bliss as they skip along beside my car...<br />
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as usual we have spent many days at the beach this summer...la jolla shores to be exact...love the orange glasses and spontaneous lean over to hug her brother...<br />
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i've been writing many many posts in my head throughout the summer but never seem to have the energy or time or mental space to sit down and write about these ideas...so photos will suffice for now...i'll end with sea with her habitat for the lizard she caught out of her room...off to the park...me to get exercise and let the kids run free :)<br />
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<br />denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-74625168116043456392013-08-01T10:08:00.000-07:002013-08-01T10:08:29.065-07:00sea is 8...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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i woke up early with hopes of writing about this point in her life...our lives...but am rushing to get ready to go out of town for our 10 year anniversary...more to come :)<br />
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<br />denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-55809429332346464042013-07-12T08:11:00.000-07:002013-07-12T08:21:51.828-07:00dreams...senses and weaving meaning through memories<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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"gingky" holding me holding my newborn sister marci<br />
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i've been "writing" so many blog posts in my head...and then life gets in the way and i've been choosing to experience these things instead of write about them. i'm still having trouble balancing living in the moment and appreciating what is and having to "capture" it through words or photos. so in some ways it has been a good thing for me that i've been blogging so much less because i've been appreciating experiencing these things instead.<br />
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this morning i woke up from a very vivid dream. i had just been climbing on my tile roof (identical to the roof of the apartment we rented when we first moved to san diego) looking at my neighbor's fruit trees with peaches and oranges (just went to farmer's market last night and was imagining planting these in our yard). down below i saw a little white doggy (same as gingky's yesterday) and remembered i was watching him (symbol of responsibilities i'm forgetting to fulfill) and he needed to go to the bathroom (my children requested this several times yesterday at inopportune moments). next scene i was opening the front door of my house and both doors swung open...really big inviting doors welcoming me (my sister marci is looking for a house to buy in redlands and last night i was looking at some houses with her and imagining what qualities i would look for in a home if we were to buy again)...i was excited to talk to manuel about something (miss not being with him and sharing my day to day thoughts and experiences) and i could hear the children happily chatting about something with each other and with him...(these sensations/observations are a constant in our home in the morning...i always look forward to their happy chatter and excitement to start their day)<br />
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as i tried to stay asleep to see what i was going to say or what was going to happen, i could feel myself coming in and out of sleep and realized it was due to the sensations i was experiencing around me...most notably the sunshine streaming through my window. i miss this way of waking up! as much as our house has a lot of light and windows, it doesn't have DIRECT light streaming through. next i was listening to the birds chirp and sing in the tree outside my window and of course the far off train i forgot to listen for but find as a comforting reminder of my dad's ever-present memory. a large hawk called out a cry and flew over...the sprinklers burst on and sprayed their steady stream over my mom's yard. i wanted to ignore all this and find out what was going to happen in my dream but then i realized this was sort of a metaphor to my life...waiting to "find out or analyze" what will/could happen in my life versus just making it happen. so i popped out of bed, observed my swollen eye lids (my body disagreeing, saying i really need better/more sleep) and ran down to write about this.<br />
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i am visiting my mom in the home i was born and raised in until i left for college at 18. i came out because a neighbor we grew up with, dear "oma" her German nickname, had passed away and i wanted to attend the memorial. i wanted to do it for her because she was such a wonderful woman and close friend of our family for so many years but i also wanted to see her daughter "gingky" (what i called her when i was too young to pronounce her name linda) and because it was something i felt i needed to do on a gut level i couldn't fully explain. yesterday my sister watched my children and my mom and i attended. it was a touching service complete with lots of biographical details that were fascinating, music that made me cry, a slideshow depicting her throughout her life with photos i remember seeing hung on the walls in her home and memories i was a part of in their pool and in their living room. the most difficult part was listening to gingky share her personal memories and how her mom touched her. i imagined how i felt sharing these things about my dad and how i will someday feel sharing them about my mom. on top of this i had my own memories of gingky's mom and what a gentle, loving, dedicated wife/mom/friend she was. it was strange to observe this intimate personal tribute to a woman i haven't been in touch with for over a decade yet she has been a part of my life and my childhood memories weave in and out of gingky's at some point.<br />
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gingky's youngest daughter is headed off to college. of course this got me thinking about my own youngest headed off to kindergarten in the fall. how time moves so quickly it will be seconds before my children move on. last night sea wanted to sleep with me...specifically she wanted me to hug and cuddle with her and she wasn't tired and wanted me to tell her stories so she could fall asleep and i was super grumpy because story had just fallen asleep and she woke him up trying to negotiate these things. i didn't handle this request well and even though i went to sleep with sea after story fell back asleep and we had some "resolution' of sorts i want to feel like my daughter can count on me to be there for her more often than not. and i want to get over my own self-absorbed "needs" and put her first more often because i know it is just a matter of time before she doesn't "need" me so much. <br />
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i'm trying to wrap up this blog post so i can move on with my day...my cousin katie is coloring my hair shortly and i have things to take care of. in the grand scheme of things, looking over the life of a dear friend yesterday, for example, this seems trivial and like i should take a few more minutes to end this blog post with meaningful, touching words that pay my respect and hold onto memories. but that is part of the tragedy of loss...when people you love die they are yanked out of the daily stuff and memories only get to come in and out as time and mental space allows. i think i will visit my dad's grave today, just to offer him a little bit of that time and space for reflection and memories. and i will remember to listen for the <a href="http://mommysjourney.blogspot.com/2008/04/memories.html">trains</a>. and squeeze sea and story a little tighter tonight without them asking.denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-71023105317031199162013-04-06T20:29:00.000-07:002013-04-06T20:29:07.497-07:00spring rambles<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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grr...almost two months since i last wrote a blog entry and i had hoped to "blog more regularly"...life, family, drama, cross roads, various excuses but really i miss writing so much i need to make the time for it instead of hoping the rest will come together and there will be time left over. this top photo was taken at my friend kim's annual easter egg hunt/brunch. we have another photo taken in this same spot from two years ago and story's hair is only to his shoulders and, well, sea is about story's age. i try to slow them down but they get older and bigger faster than i can capture or appreciate their ages. i remember last year wanting to blog about sea getting ready to enter 1st grade...then our summer...entering second and now she is almost DONE with second and i haven't written any of these things down. i've still been taking photos and done a much better job experiencing the moment and slowing down my own thoughts (trying to be less self-absorbed/selfish) and just appreciating what is in the moment. i keep having these ideals or dreams of waking up early with the perfect cup of coffee and no one needing anything and just writing all the thoughts that keep spinning around or get tangled in my dreams. but instead i sleep in or wake up too tired or wake up with too many things already on my plate and the writing ideal goes out the window.<br />
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so here we are on a saturday night. sea has a friend over and they are watching a movie. manuel is taking a nap. story is having his second sleep over at another friend's house. i fed the children homemade split pea soup and grilled cheese sandwiches and i'm enjoying a glass of red wine as i type. i had a bunch of ideas in my head yesterday or the day before and was trying to untangle them so i could write a cohesive blog post. i often feel, when i start typing after such a long hiatus, like i need to have something really important to say or well thought out or well put together. but if i'm going to be true to myself and my style of writing, i tend to ramble and hope the ideas eventually link together.<br />
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today i wrote an e-mail to a professor who was most influential to me in graduate school. i wished him happy birthday and told him a little bit about my current life and how i'm thinking about going back to teaching within the next year or so. specifically i shared with him how i'm at a cross roads of sorts...story, my youngest, will start kindergarten in the fall. i am holding off on submitting any applications until i know how he adjusts to school (he's never been in preschool) and i suppose equally as important in my hesitancy to go back to work is wanting to be as involved as room parent, in the classroom, teaching art, going on field trips, etc. part of me is excited about the opportunity to have more free time...i hope to use it gardening, exercising (or at least doing yoga), reading, blogging, making photo albums of the children, etc. though i really SHOULD use it finally cleaning out the garage, going through to accumulated "stuff" i no longer use or need, paperwork, etc....hopefully some combination of the two.<br />
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so i feel like i should really be maximizing this last time home alone with story. i'm not sure what that means or what he will most remember or appreciate about our time alone together. i also feel like i need to really listen to sea right now and connect with her while she still wants to connect with me. she is getting to an age where she is much more independent and analyzing things on deeper independent levels and doesn't "need" me as much. it is funny how i want us to be closer when she seems fine alone and i feel like i need space when she is more clingy and wants to snuggle in my lap. today she sat on my lap in church and she felt big and it was awkward and an uncomfortable angle but i immediately thought how i may not get many more of these spontaneous times together when she wants to sit in my lap so i squeezed her and smelled her hair while we sang hymns together.<br />
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today we went to our community pool. we go there pretty much any day manuel is home from work early enough and any weekend it isn't quite warm enough to go to the beach. the photo below was taken later in the day on easter after the brunch photo above:<br />
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i love this pool. it has an old feel to it (established 50 years ago and has some of the same equipment or feel of the 60's) and many of the members have had their membership passed down through family members; most member live in our neighborhood. so it has this feel like it has been around forever and always will be...very familiar and an integral part of our lives. also great exercise for the kids, wonderful sun for all of us, relaxing, etc.<br />
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today at the pool i decided i would finally put some books on book shelves in the app <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/">goodreads</a> which is a cool social sight where you can see what other friends are reading and post what you have read, want to read, etc. i listed <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anne_Lamott">anne lamott</a> (one of my all time favorite authors...she is funny and sincere and believable and likable and also happens to be both spiritual and very hippyish in her lifestyle/political beliefs which doesn't often coincide). then i listed <a href="http://www.billycoffey.com/">billy coffey</a> whose books i haven't read...my connection to him is i was commenting on a blog about some religious topic and i happened to read a comment by billy right above mine...i appreciated his perspective and the way he wrote his response so i clicked his name and started following him on his blog. i must have thought of him right after anne because they both write about religion (along with a lot of introspective/philosophical/humanistic observations on life in general). then i remembered one of my good friends, <a href="http://guamgoddessintraining.blogspot.com/">tanya</a>, was also an author and i hadn't listed her books. as i was listing these, i looked up from my relaxing lounging position at the pool to see <a href="http://margaretdilloway.com/">margaret dilloway, </a>whose daughter is in my daughter's class at school. we worked together to create a basket of advanced reader copy books for the school's auction (i should say she did all the work getting the books from her publisher and friends and i just met her for coffee to talk about it!) anyway, it was weird to be listing authors i'd like to read and then see one looking down at me...so i listed her two books (i have bought one and keep meaning to make the time to read it). finally, i listed <a href="http://www.alfiekohn.org/index.php">alfie kohn</a> who has by far been the most influential writer on my parenting philosophy (he gave words to ideas i couldn't quite explain to others when i was intuitively dealing with my children and focused more on "big picture" outcomes than what was happening in the moment).<br />
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i'm really not feeling like writing right now...probably because i have a full hour and a half "free" and i usually feel most like writing at like 3 a.m. when i wake up with too many ideas in my head to sleep or something impractical like that. a friend on facebook once wrote how the difference between amateurs and professionals is the professionals don't need to have an inspirational moment to produce fine work (he was referring specifically to music) but i think that is true for writing, too...i don't HAVE to write anything meaningful or at a professional level at this point so when i no longer feel like it i can just stop.<br />
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i do feel guilty it has been too long since i last wrote and wish i had more in me...maybe after a hot bath and i put on some snuggly clothes...<br />
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thanks for allowing me to free associate...denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-2761515978146713822013-02-15T21:39:00.001-08:002013-02-16T20:18:21.668-08:00happy 40+ birthday to me!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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"i am ready to blog again...will edit this post later but wanted to get in a february 15th entry after more than 6 months...off to bed..." i wrote that last night right before going to bed...a quick commitment to blog again and i said "i'm ready" before i really was sure that i was...i've been wanting to write a post about this "in between" place that i've been...but i will save that for another day...for now, i just wanted a quick hello and update about the present...<br />
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i turned 41 yesterday. not a milestone birthday and it felt no different than any other except it was nearly 75 degrees outside and i'm always whining about rain on my birthday...and i was noticeably free of melancholy and drama...it felt nice to just appreciate what is. i even woke up with energy and ready to pick up my surroundings and appreciate a clean environment to start our day (normally i struggle with feeling these are chores that take away from something more important but on my birthday they somehow felt important and necessary and not that big of a deal). i enjoyed a kona coffee latte, did some yard work and enjoyed the feel of the soil in my fingers and sun on my back. we dog sat percy (a friend and neighbor's dog) and watched him chase and play with our dog kyra for awhile. then we spent an hour at the swap meet, watched a "space" IMAX and finished our day with a yummy thai meal that ended with this mango and sweet sticky rice dessert (sea had pulled our server aside and asked her to bring her mommy a surprise birthday dessert!)<br />
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i am just grateful for what is and hope i can return to writing soon.<br />
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<br />denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-73926893199678641872012-07-22T07:36:00.001-07:002012-09-22T07:05:10.542-07:00reflections on art, research, mommyhood and individualsit is 6:30 a.m. on a sunday. i should not be up. i did not want to be up. but we co-sleep and my children and dog and cat were all competing for who went where and i found myself unable to go back to sleep. maybe it is because i have a lot on my mind. have had a lot on my mind. things i'm working through and trying to figure out...about myself, my family, my place in my world. i don't think my blog concept is that unique and wish i had a better blog title but really "mommy's journey" pretty well describes what this blog is about. when i started thinking about blogging i was really conflicted about my role as a stay-at-home mom. i didn't know any role models, felt part of my identity was tied up to making a difference as a teacher and was worried i would miss the process of learning and keeping my mind engaged with adults at the college level. really i think one of the bigger issues (perhaps a life long issue for me) was balancing dependence and independence. i've always prided myself in being so independent and not "needing" others yet i am so social and enjoy people...on my depressive down days i wish i didn't push myself away and could allow myself more dependence...in fact, i didn't even see the value of dependence until i met my husband...and then again when i had children i was glad they wanted to be dependent on me more than i wanted to foster independence in them (which i think comes naturally when you feel secure)...<br />
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anyway, i digress...i really wanted to write about art...so i'll start with a photo from last year's art show at sea's school. i led the "famous artist" lesson and chose monet's sailboats for at least a few reasons 1) my dad loved sailboats and they remind me of him 2) monet was one of my favorite artists as a child 3) sea loves the water and i wanted to see her paint a sailboat<br />
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most of the children in her class went with the traditional blues/greens/turquoise with white accents for their primary colors but true to sea's individual nature (and love for the color) she went with an orange sky and an orange sailboat. i love this about her. she can trust herself and go with what she sees or imagines without following the masses (at least artistically!)<br />
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this next picture was taken at last year's family art night at sea's school. i have taken over the art corps coordinator position for the school so i will be in charge of this event next year...here is sea giving a "thumb's up" which also reminds me of my dad (he used to do this both to encourage us growing up and also to say "right on!" when he was happy like sea is doing here)...<br />
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i met with one of the co-founders of the art corps program (they are professional artists who come to sea's school and lead workshops to teach parents age appropriate art lessons that build on one another...they teach a concept about art and tie it into famous art work so the children are learning both and then get to try to concept on their own art once a month...the parents take the workshop and then teach the lesson in their child's classroom...i taught most of the kindergarten and 1st grade lessons in sea's class and loved it!). i'm really excited to be the face of this program on campus. it will be my job to get families excited about art at the school...i will do this with a booth at the ice cream social before school, the 1st day of school, the first open house and then have an art corps orientation where people can learn more about art. then i need to be sure there are enough parent volunteers both to lead and assist all the lessons in all the classes...advertise and sign people up for two family art nights sponsored by the PTA, and organize matting of one piece of art per 500+ children in the school for the art show at the end of the year. this is a very parent involved school which is good in many senses but difficult when they have competing agendas for what is most important. i'm hoping to convince them art should be one of the top priorities at the school...one way i am hoping to go about this is to look up research showing how art helps children in school...both academically (they care about things like test scores and grades that are not high priorities to me) and psychologically and personally just how art enriches people's lives (more important to me).<br />
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i came from a very academic background growing up (there was a well known medical school, dental school, physical therapy, nursing, etc. in our community where many of the parents worked and these occupations were definitely encouraged over anything artistic). i've always loved art. even when i got a "c" in it in 3rd grade and decided i wasn't very "good" at art i still loved it. i remember taking some personality test in middle school where they asked what type of people you would most want to hang out with at a party and i always chose artistic types as my number one choice even though most of my friends were social people types (my 2nd choice) and i fancied myself a nerdy analytical thinking type (3rd choice).<br />
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it is hard to balance the contrasting sides of myself...i love the author <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anne_Lamott">anne lamott</a> both because she is really funny and an awesome writer, but more importantly for me because i can relate with her feeling drawn to very liberal and out of the box things yet feeling God and spirituality are equally important (there aren't too many of my hippy type friends who embrace the importance of God in their life...most of them are atheists)...she writes a lot of autobiographical material i can also relate with on her own journeys as a mother...she has a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_parenting">attachment parenting</a> style like mine that i can also relate with...<br />
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wow, this post is all over the place. i originally felt motivated by writing about art...yesterday i attended a baby shower for a mom of one of sea's "students"...we became friends last year...she was always really involved at the school and showing up with personalized artistic gifts and homemade cupcakes for various holidays throughout the year. on top of our personal connection of caring about our children and both being involved in the classroom, she is an accomplished artist. our children have the same birthday. i'm not sure how much astrology weighs into everything but they are both leos (july 23rd birthday) close to the watery sign of cancer so they have a strong willed side but are also artistic...<br />
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anyway, i met one of her friends who is also an accomplished artist and we were talking about the difficulties with being a mommy and balancing this with other things we are passionate about or just wanting to get away sometimes. i totally get that! i've been reflecting on that idea since i spoke with her. i think i have finally come to a place in my life where i can give up parts of myself to embrace other parts. and i don't feel like i have to give them up forever. my children are 4 and 7. my youngest only has one year left with me before he is off to school and i will have a lot more free time. i want to embrace these unscheduled days of playing with blocks, reading books, making "maps" (he just recently got into making his own art), riding bikes, running in the grass and chasing and/or trying to fly kites. i have a lot of analytical and "deeper" ideas inside of me but right now, at this place in my life, i need to embrace the simpler experiential "moments" of my life...<br />
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this rambling is bordering on incoherent so i will end this post shortly and head back to my mommy duties including cleaning out the car of all sandy beach gear, making breakfast, wrapping birthday presents and packing to head out of town to a cousin's party...<br />
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but i wanted to include the idea of research (this idea isn't as out of the blue as it sounds...i was reading about research on education on a homeschool group e-mail this morning in bed)...looking at who you influence...groups or individuals...i studied psychology in college and graduate school...pre-kids i loved research and wanted to read and conduct my own to try and "prove" or at least show the probabilities for various things. when i was a teacher i liked that i was influencing many people every semester and i imagined life on a more global scale and how i could influence groups of people. now that i am a stay-at-home mom, my life is much simpler and my world is much smaller. but this is a good thing. i am more concerned with how i influence my children and the impact on the individual (myself and my family) versus groups.<br />
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in a different time and place my focus may be elsewhere (though i doubt i will ever give up the importance of my influence on my children...and their influence on me)...but for now i am happy where i am, doing what i am on this mommy journey...<br />
<br />denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-66363304697862135762012-07-11T18:43:00.000-07:002012-07-11T18:43:41.850-07:00i *heart* tanyamy really good friend <a href="http://guamgoddessintraining.blogspot.com/">tanya</a> awarded me "<a href="http://guamgoddessintraining.blogspot.com/2012/07/fabulous-blog-ribbon-award-for-me.html">the fabulous blog ribbon award</a>" which was so sweet of her but really i am undeserving and unable to accept the award...so though i am gracefully declining it (mostly because i haven't been a "good" blogger and kept up with/commented on other's blogs so i can't meet the criteria of awarding this award to 5 other bloggers)...i WILL write a quick post about how much i adore tanya, include my own 5 fabulous moments and 5+ things i love and hate (and visit the 5 bloggers she awarded the award to) with a few photos sprinkled in between :)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaMPCLl0zGyTZs1MLTe5ka_BWmT8Lk6cEFKRmtOL1aJ-UhhmCsvJBiJzWtli5cFKQqwBOQXWYUug82_aOBztrbBAFIZmw-Yq8ZRbED41I2UcPrtlLqxbqPyJckTPM9VdWUBLfpihVgr9Q/s1600/IMG_1467.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaMPCLl0zGyTZs1MLTe5ka_BWmT8Lk6cEFKRmtOL1aJ-UhhmCsvJBiJzWtli5cFKQqwBOQXWYUug82_aOBztrbBAFIZmw-Yq8ZRbED41I2UcPrtlLqxbqPyJckTPM9VdWUBLfpihVgr9Q/s320/IMG_1467.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
i have better photos of tanya but i chose this one because it was taken at my 40th birthday party and i was so blessed to have her there...she came with homemade cake from her Chamorro heritage and this peace sign is also emblematic of her easy going and fun loving nature. tanya is one of those friends who just always come through...as a best friend, as a mom, at home, in school, volunteering, helping friends and strangers alike. she is amazing. her help with various projects in school and more importantly in my personal life have been invaluable.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimkaVFB06qla9D_9eSUJpogoxWmAcBwxGHPRSUziNtvSNXuILrhiu-mrIiVMxyHw5f9Fts47vwHM1rvW2YqzGAYej0mE2u6NYhgakgiuu2fnITVRXy9wnrW31wYPIZknr1I2-WSq6oAo8/s1600/IMG_3779.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimkaVFB06qla9D_9eSUJpogoxWmAcBwxGHPRSUziNtvSNXuILrhiu-mrIiVMxyHw5f9Fts47vwHM1rvW2YqzGAYej0mE2u6NYhgakgiuu2fnITVRXy9wnrW31wYPIZknr1I2-WSq6oAo8/s320/IMG_3779.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white;">our eldest children, sea, and her son elijah </span><span style="background-color: white;">were in the same kindergarten class and though they were in different 1st grade classrooms, they maintained a close friendship this past year. in fact, they have plans to marry one another (after they turn 30)...here is a little essay sea wrote about elijah in school:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8NxWlR77tlmI_oEgCIUq81ROAjVdtEMPAk2d3Xw2O7a76NpmIn5rDToCuJLmcZvS8rV1gqvfeYIGTyHzgEOT0q15S4RXRhvLb4BtF_NTRXnUwpbTqAFrMLnUyIiafK7MIO7PhyphenhyphennGM9eg/s1600/IMG_5463.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8NxWlR77tlmI_oEgCIUq81ROAjVdtEMPAk2d3Xw2O7a76NpmIn5rDToCuJLmcZvS8rV1gqvfeYIGTyHzgEOT0q15S4RXRhvLb4BtF_NTRXnUwpbTqAFrMLnUyIiafK7MIO7PhyphenhyphennGM9eg/s320/IMG_5463.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white;">i'm not sure if you can read this essay but i add it because some of the qualities my daughter appreciates in tanya's son could also be said of her: "he is a good book maker...good other (author)...alwas helps me with stof...he has a kind heart...he is respectful because he alwas helps me...my buddy has a buotifal smile". tanya is an accomplished author who has published her works in various places (visit her website linked above for more details). she has honored me by allowing me to read unpublished works in the making and given me a signed copy of another. we both love to write and read and she inspires me to someday try and get some of my writing published! if not i appreciate that she reads my blog and we can share this passion together.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">she is very generous in both physical gifts (random homemade food, extra snacks from the islands, handwritten birthday card and gifts) and even more importantly to me, the gift of her time, friendship and support. she is a wonderful listener and can offer advice or just be there in silence when needed. she is tender and sensitive, yet strong and independent at the same time. i appreciate all of these qualities and she is intuitive to boot, so she knows what is needed at any given moment. she has adopted my family as her own and i feel like we are related! or sisters at least. there are a lot of stories that go along to support that idea but i think the concept of sisters and depth of that support should suffice for now.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">i'm having a "yearbook" moment writing this blog post...what i mean is i don't think i ever wrote in any of my best friends' yearbooks because there was just too much i wanted to say and i didn't think i would do a good enough job so instead i wrote nothing :( appropriately timed since we both just celebrated our 20th reunion from high school within the past couple years...anyway, i'm glad i have gotten secure enough to be able to write <i>something</i> instead of becoming handicapped with fear i didn't write enough or left out something important...i can always write more posts about tanya, right?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">so maybe i will edit this post in the next few days and add more but for now, here were the rules for the award tanya attempted to award me:</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">"</span><span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">In order to receive this award you have to follow a few rules:</span><br />
<br style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">1. POST THE RULES ON YOUR BLOG</span><br style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">2. NAME 5 OF YOUR MOST FABULOUS MOMENTS EITHER IN REAL LIFE OR IN THE BLOGOSPHERE</span><br style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">3. NAME 5 THINGS YOU LOVE</span><br style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">4. NAME 5 THINGS YOU HATE</span><br style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">5. PASS THE RIBBON ON TO 5 OTHER BLOGGERS"</span><br style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;" /><div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">here are 5 of my most fabulous moments along with photos:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">1. realizing i was in love with my best friend:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQSPuwFdKwpMB0_cjRbooznPPBSn4bz6tM91CCGKhUoQZRtxb6m6olUBLiZtgieWkUwED-6cSQ94LhYibS6L285KmS9wPSKAnnWm8URFib8WerQda5X8279wg5mEMQ5kKzqPCfX4l-Rx4/s1600/IMG_1629.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQSPuwFdKwpMB0_cjRbooznPPBSn4bz6tM91CCGKhUoQZRtxb6m6olUBLiZtgieWkUwED-6cSQ94LhYibS6L285KmS9wPSKAnnWm8URFib8WerQda5X8279wg5mEMQ5kKzqPCfX4l-Rx4/s320/IMG_1629.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">2. our wedding day (no photos scanned so here is one from our honeymoon in the cook islands):</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZYXLzsx_hDO-YNUw84C95A6MutGSQMrF0ABozQHFHkj-Z9gYOjEJPWS9wIyrdgIoit6MqwEZoxqQecu3vHd8V3HJaCVCL2yZt1umjMvBbPIEsV15Oe5ZOwHH3jnZlseu8hMMTvzKgHDs/s1600/cook+islands+327.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZYXLzsx_hDO-YNUw84C95A6MutGSQMrF0ABozQHFHkj-Z9gYOjEJPWS9wIyrdgIoit6MqwEZoxqQecu3vHd8V3HJaCVCL2yZt1umjMvBbPIEsV15Oe5ZOwHH3jnZlseu8hMMTvzKgHDs/s320/cook+islands+327.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">3. birth of sea:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDqiJg26cmBVSdwnhde_wnVDdtOlTOzHJ5jHlPSAxX5x01z5X9Fu3KsTbIV0zDcZFff6DLj3rwxa_gt024QXgY8vPBKua1vtjG0Mn3zfDCParu-GthuUfdceuo-IIZdnowEnOYSJFsBfM/s1600/080405+sea+2+weeks+045.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDqiJg26cmBVSdwnhde_wnVDdtOlTOzHJ5jHlPSAxX5x01z5X9Fu3KsTbIV0zDcZFff6DLj3rwxa_gt024QXgY8vPBKua1vtjG0Mn3zfDCParu-GthuUfdceuo-IIZdnowEnOYSJFsBfM/s320/080405+sea+2+weeks+045.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">4. birth of story:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnS4s9J38SKwSMzmmpVDCFFNIq2JQs2ZVGYndhQw2Mgfh34yWfSahc51GXNPor-HLo9aW3bmKZmMUun1bV2daNKFbEFp0BiXuGWMlZAr7hFkju-RFwTKWmqxPbCjIiN4Fg5eP9tVKkxRk/s1600/IMG_0809.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnS4s9J38SKwSMzmmpVDCFFNIq2JQs2ZVGYndhQw2Mgfh34yWfSahc51GXNPor-HLo9aW3bmKZmMUun1bV2daNKFbEFp0BiXuGWMlZAr7hFkju-RFwTKWmqxPbCjIiN4Fg5eP9tVKkxRk/s320/IMG_0809.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">5. turning 40 and being ok with who i am (i've had a lifetime of feeling misunderstood and trying to figure out who i was):</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYvrPZLqAw-UMycT9xM0sXUxNPjXxfxdPYWyPT4LNK43DDK8phbSrtee1m_muhx3MBpRkti773WSSucl88XkAU1dGdntmcIOgWiQ3oAL9MqVmX2SdAs57k4AMccDN85jV-YL9eQNzNCz8/s1600/IMG_1493.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYvrPZLqAw-UMycT9xM0sXUxNPjXxfxdPYWyPT4LNK43DDK8phbSrtee1m_muhx3MBpRkti773WSSucl88XkAU1dGdntmcIOgWiQ3oAL9MqVmX2SdAs57k4AMccDN85jV-YL9eQNzNCz8/s320/IMG_1493.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">5 things i love:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">1. my husband, daughter and son</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">2. writing</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">3. taking photos</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">4. the beach</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">5. music</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">6. traveling</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">7. food/eating/cooking/health</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">(i have trouble following instructions and/or committing to just 5)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">5 thing i hate:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">1. lack of integrity</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">2. stupidity</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">3. not going through my garage (accumulated stuff physical and psychological)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">4. not knowing where i stand with people</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">5. feeling misunderstood</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">i was just re-reading tanya's answers to these questions and i could have written many of these same things (see the award link above to read it yourself)...i so appreciate that she understands me, i know where i stand with her, she has integrity and she is quite bright both in knowledge and the intuitive abilities necessary for a variety of social situations :)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">thank you tanya for (trying to) award me this award and for giving me the opportunity to write some of the things i appreciate about you and about my life. i am so sad that you are moving to washington this fall but i have met a couple people from everett recently who are hopeful you will want to move back :) if not, you are definitely one of those friends i will travel to see and will keep in touch with wherever our paths take us. thank you for being you and thank you for your friendship.</span></div>denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-89466542369485459112012-07-09T01:43:00.000-07:002012-07-11T17:27:04.937-07:00san diego county fairinitially i was just going to post photos of our day...until i realized i had "narrowed them down" to over 60! so i guess i'll try to choose about 10 and include a short caption for each and leave the flickr link to get the experience of the full day...while i'm waiting for these to upload, i'll add that we've gone to the beach probably 6 times since i've been back from my mom's...three days last weekend, fourth of july, and the past couple days...<br />
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(i was having trouble accessing my photos on my external hard drive...)<br />
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in other important news for our family (and facing my issues with procrastination and need to take responsibility for difficult issues), my husband and i pulled everything out of our disorganized garage (my stuff, not his that needs tending to) and painted the dingy yellowy creamy disgusting walls a bright white! very rewarding...two days of work later we have some of the items back in but i have a lot of things to go through (read: "get rid of") in the coming days...so i thought i'd get in a post while my family is sound asleep after 9 HOURS at the beach today...literally 11 something until after 8 and after sunset!</div>
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i really want to post a reply to my friend tanya's most recent post but also want to include photos from said inaccessible hard drive so that post will wait for morning, too...so here are 12 memorable photos from the fair...we went there over a week ago...you can tell i love the ferris wheel as it is in most of the shots :)</div>
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before i forget some of the details of the day...we started by visiting the various animals...petting zoo...searched for various baby animals...then we headed over to the children's rides...we asked if there was a larger ferris wheel and were sent back on the other side...</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO_QLRHkJ7hM392f0etIHmYDUXkQMLHFqyIE8epp_CoktrlMN_Dxw3bWOpk9Zmie1tS5wi7h595X_9M93IhlJUVD7r1orYgiljIMQtwXOvv_EVmsYr5_exwFcWLxe5ktPoiu6LG1SxR2M/s1600/IMG_5595.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO_QLRHkJ7hM392f0etIHmYDUXkQMLHFqyIE8epp_CoktrlMN_Dxw3bWOpk9Zmie1tS5wi7h595X_9M93IhlJUVD7r1orYgiljIMQtwXOvv_EVmsYr5_exwFcWLxe5ktPoiu6LG1SxR2M/s320/IMG_5595.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
view headed to the top of the ferris wheel:<br />
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looking up from the bottom of the ferris wheel:<br />
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ferris wheel and del mar beach in the background of our ride on the swings...my husband took this shot of sea and me (bottom right corner) from his vantage point with story in the swing behind us:<br />
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next we ate some vegetarian burritos and grilled corn on the cob (there was a lot of unhealthy food to choose from...we had a giant serving of garlic fries to supplement)...ate giant chocolate dipped ice cream cones and went to look for some more rides...<br />
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love the shadows and contrast of light this time of day...<br />
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sea and story had fun sliding down a giant slide just to the left of this photo...<br />
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sea watching someone bungy jump...i catch the action of her glee and the ferris wheel at once :)<br />
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the bumper cars were probably sea and story's favorite since they both got to drive...i was extra happy with this ride because the ticket collector let the children go in free "as long as they can drive"...<br />
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the fair at night...our whole family walked through a house of mirrors (ferris wheel in the background):<br />
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sea going on a crazy upside down spinny ride with her dad (they were both super excited...she barely made the height requirement)...<br />
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welp, <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/55331769@N00/sets/72157630492718826/">here</a> is the flickr link if you want to see the full day...</div>
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i'm off to bed...hoping i can be productive enough tomorrow to get to the post in reply to my friend <a href="http://guamgoddessintraining.blogspot.com/">tanya</a>...she is a dear friend!</div>
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</div>denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-3772888851843906872012-06-27T20:46:00.000-07:002012-06-27T20:46:53.796-07:00the start of summer break at mimi and angee's<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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it has been nearly 2 months since i wrote in this blog. i'm very aware of this. i have wanted to write several posts...several times...a couple related to just relaxing at the neighborhood pool (but i was enjoying relaxing there more than reporting about it)...one entitled "breathe" where i literally just remembered to slow down enough to take full breaths...this one when i was caught in the middle of coordinating the last couple days parties/gifts in sea's 1st grade class...hibiscus flowering plant with personal notes and money from the parents, photo album with personal notes from each student and a photo of each of them with their teacher, making food for the farewell luau, making gluten-free cupcakes for the summer birthday celebration, etc. room mom jobs i both enjoyed and am glad to have a break from...many, many more missed blog posts that have blended together into experiences that may or may not be memories...<br />
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but i'm ok with "losing" some of these because in some ways i feel like i've gained more from being there, in the moment, engaged, active, appreciating the present and not capturing it in any way or analyzing it or trying to make it mean something or fit into something...just allowing the mundane and meaningful moments of my life to be solely what they are and be present to experience them...<br />
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i'm out visiting my mom and sis in the home i grew up in. it is in the high 90's here and i left perfect low 70's weather back in san diego but again, i'm appreciating what i've gained out here...time to connect with family (immediate and extended)...time for cousins to play together (sea, story, chloe and seven had a blast in the pool together yesterday...story helped "milk the baby"...feeding baby clara out of a bottle...he said he was an expert at it)...time to hear about my cousin ally's time spent living in spain...appreciate photos of her trip...sea and story were full of questions about the biggest church, statue, etc. and this lead to wanting to record a story about the statue of liberty on my sister's phone...<br />
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...the photo above was taken by my sister a couple of years ago...taken from the glider on the back patio...i joined her just rocking together, sipping peligrino, enjoying the breezes passing through and watching the children "plant" the sunflower seeds out of the bird food...then cherry pits for cherry trees, apricot trees, etc. and sea in all seriousness asked her auntie to please take care of her garden while she was gone. she went so far as to make a list of "how to do my garden" so they could properly care for the seeds.<br />
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the photo below was taken at the redland's market night a couple years ago...so sea was only four and a half (story's age now)...we are going there again tomorrow night...i love the glee on her face...one of my summer goals this year is to have very few goals/plans other than engaging with my children and following their lead to see where their joy and natural curiosity leads us...(this morning story wanted to "walk to the cemetery to visit granddaddy"...on the way we saw a family of california quail following one another in a line...later we saw a roadrunner sprinting across the street and gobbling up some 4 legged creature)...<br />
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this photo was also taken a couple years ago...story is only 2...but i liked his happiness with my sister marci and vice versa...<br />
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this is the gleeful smile of story probably sneaking some forbidden food item (there has been a lot of that this trip...i am partially to blame because i've been enjoying treats myself and been lax on being at grandma's house)...<br />
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here we are at A dong, a standard dinner when we visit...thai food, mom and pop joint, we know the owner and his daughters, usually order the same things (way too much so we will have leftovers)...i like how sea is reflected in the light...timeless...also, that she has pen poised...love that she is such a little writer...creates stories with words and drawings...will choose to do this over most other activities...<br />
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i also love that she will just sit down and play the piano...this seems unrelated but piano will forever remind me of childhood and specifically my mother...she could have been a concert pianist...very talented in her skills and the emotion she could show through her touch on the keys...she also was desperate for her daughters to have skills on the piano and though my sister and i both loved music we fought the process...so i was adamant that sea's piano teacher make the intrinsic enjoyment of playing the piano her number one goal...sea has taught herself so much just WANTING to play instead of feeling like she is "practicing"...it is on her terms, and just like learning to swim and ride a bike, this is what she needed to shine...<br />
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my sister took some sunset photos of us out on the same patio i started this blog post (this one was taken some other time...all these photos in fact were off my sister's laptop since i didn't bring any cords to upload my own...so they are not in real time, just representations of ideas)...sea snugged in close, cheek to cheek, i could feel her breathing...story on my knee...i'm very aware they will soon be too big to both "fit" on my lap for photos...they are outside in the twilight "gardening" and watering...i loved watching my mom read to them both with her many years of 1st grade teaching voices coming through all the characters...and plenty of drama...i'm not sure what made me think of this but sea was very serious about bringing mimi a new wooden doll for her dollhouse (the mommy doll had gotten lost)...she was so proud of herself for completing the family...and i was extra touched by the fact that she noticed the mom was slightly taller than the dad doll (i don't think she planned that part)...<br />
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finally, the children have been spreading bird food (which usually goes into this bird feeder below)...just as they spread love to all the people in their little lives...<br />
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last night sea went to bed at almost 1 in the morning...she was reading all her early reader books mimi had bought her and i was going to let her read herself to sleep (while i myself was already asleep) but then after awhile she changed her mind and pulled up the blinds...she wanted to look out over the night sky and the beautiful city (that isn't the word that comes to my mind to describe the inland empire! but maybe to my childhood eyes)...and she literally was just staring out at the lights...she invited me to join her and i regret i was too tired and instead lured her back to sleep...back to my commitment to follow my children's lead on appreciating the little things in life...we have one more day here with mimi and angee and then most of the summer still ahead of us :)<br />
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sea and story are now "gardening" in the dark...with my mom...their mimi...they are chatting it up, teaching her the things they are learning about life or all that they know such as their great plans for what will grow and the signs to be careful and how to water and how to care...sea is now calling me to show me something secret in the living room...mimi is headed in there to help sea with her piano...we can all learn from one another...every time i wrap up this post more comes at me to remember or record...story is recording on angee's phone "hi, i am story and i love angee"...he is giggling in an infectious way only a 4-year-old can...sea is getting frustrated with my mom for controlling the way she should learn or play the piano and i am having flashbacks to childhood...but this visit is only for a few days and soon we will be back to our own routines so i am enjoying it for what it is...denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-11244535516303139882012-05-01T21:23:00.001-07:002012-05-02T16:55:29.388-07:00May day......and I may participate in nablopomo though this is all I can get down tonight...tomorrow I will update this post with what I MAY do...or at least I MAY do that :)<br />
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ok it is may 2nd...this post was begun on may 1st...on my cell phone, under the covers as my children were thinking about going to sleep but not even close (i often fall asleep before them)...there have been several changes in my life in the past few months but not enough to explain how little i have posted. i'm not ready to get back into writing even if it is to simply sign up for nablopomo and post a photo and brief thought every day...i'm not sure if it is because i just turned 40 or my children are past toddlerhood and more independent or my daily routines and ongoing projects have been changing or any other number of things but yesterday, on may day, as i reflected about what i MAY do i at least wanted to get that idea down even if i had nothing else to say.<br />
<br />
i am fortunate to have talented writer friends...they inspire me to write and i enjoy reading their work and imagining writing my own stories someday. but not yet.<br />
<br />
sea has been quite dependent recently...asking me "mommy, promise you'll come to ___" (snack, lunch, p.e., recess, spanish)..."i'll try...i'll see...maybe..." and then i usually don't come because i know she doesn't really NEED me and getting through the school day without me is better for both of us...but there is still a part of me who reads the san diego home education digests and thinks i would be much more passionate and creative and alive homeschooling...except when i remember the power struggles and sibling rivalry and intense, emotional, passionate beings that i both love and am exhausted by in regular interactions with sea and story together if we are trying to be productive...maybe for the middle school years.<br />
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i took sea to a lot more mommy and me classes when she was younger...spanish, music, art, swimming, etc. and though story is exposed to many of these things in our family adventures, i'd still like to do a class with him. so i signed up for one on thursdays this month. we really don't have the extra money to do this...so i'm going to try the class tomorrow morning and decide if it is worth it. a chance for story to socialize, move, do crafts, play outdoors, etc. things we do anyway but i'm often not motivated enough to do them all together or as often as i'd like...sometimes i really want to enroll him in a nearby reggio preschool...reasonably priced and many, many friends who went or are currently going there...but then i think i only have one year left with him before he is in a regular school routine and i am looking back over what i wish i'd done with our time together. constantly living in the "what if"...from the past...or the future...trying to appreciate TODAY knowing it shapes the future and will soon be PAST...<br />
<br />
so i had some ideas about what i "may" do...today those got shot because i didn't drink any coffee and instead shuffled around in a fog (to match the uncharacteristic "may gray" weather we've been having here in san diego), unproductive, moping around for no reason, not even depressed but feeling sorry for myself and so, so tired (i know, you would think that is the perfect scenario to drink EXTRA coffee)...i did some routine grocery shopping at "monkey george" (trader joes) where story didn't even search for the monkey and subsequent treat because he had a meltdown when i wouldn't buy laffy taffy...we did end up with cinnamon rolls we came home and baked and over-ate but i didn't even enjoy those because i took them out of the oven too early and they were chewy like raw dough not like soft chewy chocolate chip cookies and when i reheated them they got crunchy...i was looking for soft and flaky...<br />
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been thinking about the idea of altered states...i never like to take any substances that alter my consciousness too much to the point of losing control yet i haven't been happy with my current "state" so a little caffeine or a glass of red wine have been fitting themselves in more often...(i just went and poured myself a half a glass of wine as i continue typing)<br />
<br />
so back to what i "may" do since that is the idea i was going to fill in...i guess i should start simple, like i "may" get back into writing...but not daily...and not to follow other blogs or to write anything for others or even to get others' feedback...just daily stuff about my mommyhood journey and the lives of my children and husband and how our lives are interweaved...<br />
<br />
trying to end on some note about something but it isn't there...just glad i'm not napping and i am writing even if the whys and whats aren't quite there...denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-41195046615726830502012-04-17T13:47:00.003-07:002013-07-13T08:36:44.789-07:00riding the wave of sadness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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where will this wave take me? why am i sad? <br />
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i've been wanting to blog again for awhile now...i've been increasingly productive outside of regular blogging and getting better at experiencing life instead of capturing it (or doing a little of both) so i wanted to ride the wave while it was working but i miss writing! i still analyze life and think about what i would write about and write in my head and write for the future. sometimes i don't think about anything at all and get caught up in the routines of the day...but at least these routines are often getting completed instead of the depressive rut where i couldn't imagine doing the most basic "activities of daily living" as some old psychological test called them...i haven't felt truly depressed for awhile...but there is a dull, quiet, irritability that often fogs my mind so i move more slowly than i'd like and without drive, passion, emotion...until i snap and get irrationally angry or frustrated...<br />
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i pause this thought for a moment to engage with story who is showing me some items in the "insect lore" catalog...lady bugs and such...<br />
<br />
i hate being self-absorbed. i had many stories i've been lucky to be a part of...sea was chosen as "star student" which is supposed to be each week one of her classmates is randomly chosen to be showcased and help the teacher, etc. though i secretly idealize the teacher chooses some of the less popular or troubled children early on so they feel special...so here are the photos "all about sea"...i put these here, on my self-absorbed blog to remind myself of the important parts of my life that i've been lucky enough to experience and share and be a part of shaping...sea shapes me in so many ways, too! this first photo shows she wants to be a teacher when she grows up...i remember i wanted to teach 1st grade when i was a 1st grader, 2nd the next year, etc. until i was in college and then i did end up becoming a college instructor :)<br />
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anyway, i had many ideas in my head to write about...<br />
<br />
--two talented friends who have allowed me to read their books (i wanted to write about their books and about them and about writing itself and the prospect of writing my own book one day)<br />
<br />
--sea
is excelling at piano and i wanted to talk about that process (my
negative memories as a child and how sea is going at it with intrinsic
motivation and challenging herself)<br />
<br />
--commenting on the
ideas of dependence and independence and my struggle with both...aching
at my daughter wanting me to spend more "mommy and sea" time each day,
not wanting to go to school, wanting me to stay at school, come back to
school "for snack...and lunch...and..."<br />
<br />
--spring
cleaning...how much i've done...the little i have left to do and what i
need to do to overcome the blocks (mostly psychological and from
childhood) that stop me from completely de-cluttering, letting go,
moving on, organizing and keeping only the essentials (especially stored
items in our garage and paperwork)<br />
<br />
--the perfect blue
skyed sunny and warm san diego day i have right now at my
disposal...slight breeze, literally birds chirping from overhead olive
branches that slowly wave, hummingbirds that hover ready to eat some
fresh nectar i brought them...inches from my face, trusting,
ready...small wind chimes lightly tinging and planes flying just low
enough overhead i can hear them and remember this from
childhood...memories of journeys being taken and yet to be taken and
those already past...i want to focus on these experiences, these
feelings, this warmth on my face...opportunities and the joys of the
present...but somehow my optimistic and idealistic self still catches
the waves of sadness at unexpected times like these...i was glancing at
these photos...collages of sea's life...and saw my dad in the "my
family" photo and i got irrationally irritated that there was a large
paperclip right over his face. now looking at the other collages i see
that the paperclips cover whatever they happen to cover and i know this
was not intentional but somehow it seems so unfair that he is gone and
can only be a part of the family she knows is important to me and her
history and not her actual experience...and i miss him and want him to
cheer me up and make life light and happy again and realize i need to do
these things for myself...so, i'm indulging myself in the wave of
sadness...briefly...in hopes of moving past it...and now i will glance
below at the rest of these photos and comment on...<br />
<br />
sea's family shown here include our immediate family in the middle...mom, dad, sea and story, her cousins skye and ayva, auntie marci, my mom and her mimi, namenee and poppy, cousins meadow and roman, cousins chloe and ryder and my dad in the bright yellow shirt with the sparkly blue sea-colored eyes that match hers...he is holding her there just a few months old...<br />
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sea's hobbies include piano, playing with her doggy, playing at the beach, drawing and cleaning (? no idea where she got that idea except i have been on a mission to do this myself)...<br />
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her three wishes are to be a mermaid, fairy and/or princess (she was all three in the top left photo...halloween costume)...<br />
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for her friends i used a yearbook photo of all the children in her class and then her future husband elijah is on the top left with her brother story...she included brooke, hailey and ruhi as friends outside of her class...her dear beloved "goggin" is the over-loved white tiger missing and eye in the middle...<br />
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finally, her favorite things are her dog, cat, drawing, singing, swimming and the beach...she has her "pool" patch from passing the swim test and the marigold doll story brought her when he was first born...<br />
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this final photo was taken of sea on her field trip to the birch aquarium...she drew the mermaid on her shirt...i chose this photo to end this blog because there are waves out there yet to be ridden...i mean that literally and figuratively...we go to the beach as a family every weekend and the experience is so much a part of all of our lives...but on a more practical and immediate level for myself, i want to ride another wave...let this one carry me where it will...i'm ready to climb on the next one and appreciate this journey of motherhood...journey of life, really...because with the pain and sadness comes an appreciation of love, joy, and the possibilities for more...more importantly, i am so blessed right now, right here, where i am with my little son next to me, ready for me to play with him and my daughter eager to come home and spend "mommy and sea time"...<br />
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<br />denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-84273691294320942442012-03-23T20:16:00.002-07:002012-03-23T20:16:43.577-07:00not enough time...40 and beyond<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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i turned 40 last month...the day after valentine's day and my last post...i've been thinking a lot about blogging and posting and things i've missed or moved past or still in the midst of and, as the necessities and busyness of life would have it, i haven't had enough time to fit in living life and recording it.<br />
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i don't feel like i have time to write right now, either, but well, that excuse could keep this blog abandoned for months...<br />
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sea and story are playing well together. that in itself is enough to get me on this computer again. :)<br />
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they are role playing...i believe story is the "doggy" right now and sea is constructing a story for him to play out...at least that is what they were doing before they realized i was on the computer...story just came out with his puppy dog droopy eyes ready for bed...it is after their bedtime, after all.<br />
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it feels good to be back pecking away even if i have little to say or at least little time to say it...manuel is giving the children "tickey tickles"...pandora is playing on the m. ward station...a good mix of old school music like mazzy star and moby...<br />
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i'm off to take a relaxing bath and get s and s to bed...more later...denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-49423144429289320492012-02-15T07:03:00.000-08:002012-02-15T07:03:16.358-08:00memories from heart day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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i love all the new and missing teeth in this first one...this next one way taken new year's day but there are lips and love involved...<br />
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another teethy grin...sea posing for her valentine's card photo...<br />
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she looks so old walking to school with her valentines in her hand...<br />
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stops for a pose...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYztl8UekPUD65nF8IfLD9Qjt_DaVr4kKQVOBjT7poaUmKxYjU2N2LiIYfY6Zd8YMnrOPQBIBGh2P0RbtsDbl-wIKeirYbi2_ylW3ZBrPCZ5mwTb6prRwqfeC7vpffjkP-vQXyjyf940Mf/s1600/IMG_1324.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYztl8UekPUD65nF8IfLD9Qjt_DaVr4kKQVOBjT7poaUmKxYjU2N2LiIYfY6Zd8YMnrOPQBIBGh2P0RbtsDbl-wIKeirYbi2_ylW3ZBrPCZ5mwTb6prRwqfeC7vpffjkP-vQXyjyf940Mf/s320/IMG_1324.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
her brother watching...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicR6gd_h9CleK-4IxlRo7IhC7sKoHFbDkOa9VD1g55YfWRjTrKtIYPKZoBZXCQ709uI9MlWAStEhSILD6eoIlSGVnrmBu-l967U3IIu0OO8bKIvaa9bb9B2cxi5jVLnzBMFKkQcvk8GKaA/s1600/IMG_1325.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicR6gd_h9CleK-4IxlRo7IhC7sKoHFbDkOa9VD1g55YfWRjTrKtIYPKZoBZXCQ709uI9MlWAStEhSILD6eoIlSGVnrmBu-l967U3IIu0OO8bKIvaa9bb9B2cxi5jVLnzBMFKkQcvk8GKaA/s320/IMG_1325.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
they pose together...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWQd-usrz6R6UqHRfhyphenhyphenPtwe7UCD-A-c8v3cRPlOhMwwDSd9syTfrmGPth_zrqOX0sK_8AxBfRNt3neRtf30r84H_X75Ud77DHRUuKelvddKdmvMa21p3TioDcImS6Qm427EyKv8FNEkDZ5/s1600/IMG_1326.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWQd-usrz6R6UqHRfhyphenhyphenPtwe7UCD-A-c8v3cRPlOhMwwDSd9syTfrmGPth_zrqOX0sK_8AxBfRNt3neRtf30r84H_X75Ud77DHRUuKelvddKdmvMa21p3TioDcImS6Qm427EyKv8FNEkDZ5/s320/IMG_1326.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
this is the card she passed out to all her "students" in first grade...<br />
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i love you s and s and daddy!denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-85268363936745250542012-02-03T07:06:00.000-08:002012-02-03T07:06:28.835-08:00judgments of (and by) a SAHM and raising spirited childrenit has been nearly a month since i've posted. many reasons for this...one of the reasons i've put off writing is because it has been so long i feel i need a good reintroduction or something important to write about or a summary of what i've done while i was away from this blog or a complete overhaul of my issues i have, etc. etc. disclaimers i often have when something is important. but writing for writing sake is important to me, too and i've had this story or frustration or embarrassment hanging over me for almost 24 hours and even though i'm supposed to stop writing in four minutes to get sea ready for school (i didn't hit snooze this morning...i shut my alarm off because it felt like i hadn't even gone to bed yet) i felt compelled to see if my blog was even here anymore :) i'm not even joking...i'm paranoid enough to sense this non-backed up blog could just vanish any day...i can tell this post is going to be all over the place...<b>I</b> am all over the place so i suppose that is fitting...<br />
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anyway, what happened yesterday is one of the head office workers at my daughter's school pulled me aside to talk to me about my out of control 3-year-old and how they can't be responsible for him on campus and he is disruptive, etc. judgments about my lack of control over him/poor parenting etc. and i immediately felt defensive and embarrassed all the while knowing parts of what she was saying were true...but i'm a BIG PICTURE person who believes you can't judge people unless you have the full context of any given situation, know them from the inside (live their life), etc. plus i do SO MUCH for that school that i feel they should overlook some of these things...<br />
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that is the nutshell version of what happened and as i type it i feel like i'm already past it and ready to contain him better (actually going to have him attached to my body in an ergo wrap as often as possible until this blows over) but what i suppose i'm not past is how quickly i became judgmental of this woman and the school and my judgers and made all sorts of assumptions about how their children have been in child care since they were a couple months old and so with someone else raising their children they have time to notice the troubles of others...these same people are not doing half the things i am to help the school but yet i'm the one being criticized...maybe it is a good thing as i need to say no to more and now i'm being told i can't bring him so therefore i can't help as much? i'm still having trouble wrapping my head around this scenario and how i will react and what that means for my involvement at the school...which is a big issue because i have been really involved as of late...and now i'm running late to get sea to school which means i'll be short on time to contain story in said wrap so more later...denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-87518285758413906482012-01-07T20:13:00.000-08:002012-01-07T20:13:56.597-08:00blank computer screenit is still early january...time for new year's resolutions...reflecting over the past year and making goals and dreams for the future...<br />
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i finally backed up my computer to an external hard drive and moved my 107,000 photos to a separate hard drive also backed up. this means i have the space on my computer to export my 4 years of blogging in some form of back-up and start over with my photo library...only keeping the best photos and properly labeling and filing them...my 40th bday is coming up in just over a month...i haven't had any "must dos" before i turn 40 but now that it is coming up there are a few things i could strive towards...this will have to be a post for later since i'm not "there" in my mind right now...i have so many photos i could post and write about from the past couple weeks...so many posts i've been writing in my head...and now that i have the time and space to write my mind is blank...so i was staring at the blank computer screen open with possibilities and intimidating because of my lack of interesting things to write about (or i forgot all the things i felt passionately about when i didn't have time to write)...yet i feel compelled to write something. i think it is because i recently learned how to look at my page views or how many people read my blog or something like that and saw quite a drop off the past couple of weeks...literally a graph showing a steep decline in numbers...and i felt this shame "i'm better than that" or that i'm capable of writing more regularly, more interesting things...just not this post :)<br />
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how's that for a cop out...i had a friend at sea's school tell me she checked out my blog over the winter break...to which i looked away and rolled my eyes and began apologizing how i haven't been keeping it up or writing anything interesting recently...my best writing occurred when no one at all was reading...now i wouldn't even know where it was buried...i really need to create a back up somewhere of this blog because my memory is so bad i feel like i will lose a lot of my memories of what i wrote about if this blog disappeared...any of my handful of readers who may have advice on how or where to back up one's blog would be much appreciated...i'm really all over the place in this post and i don't care enough to edit it or re-write or start over or whatever basic strategy i could use to make this more interesting or at least linear...i like free associating when the associations make sense but they don't even make sense to me so i can't expect any readers to follow along...i was just getting at the idea that i want to blog more often and write more interesting posts but when i fear i don't have time or energy i just don't write anything at all and to me that is worse...so this post is allowing me to loosen my wrist and get ideas flowing through my fingers...now to connect my mind and maybe even engage my heart to care enough to make it more personal or intimate or disclosing...maybe i'll post about some bloggers and/or writers i enjoy and what i relate with about them...i could look for representative posts and these are usually springboards for things i'd like to write about.<br />
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sea and story are drawing pictures for each other on appleworks, an online drawing/coloring website...sea was making story a garbage truck...manuel's brother matt is visiting and they are lounging on our couches watching playoff football...story is singing a song about months of the year...yappay and kyra are taking turns sleeping on dog beds and romping around the room...now sea and story are climbing all over uncle matthew while he gives me a second to finish typing...sea wanted to learn how to do what i'm doing...someday i think she would write an awesome blog...honest, open, detailed, innocent, ernest...i'm ready for a hot bath and to put s and s to sleep...as i type that story just came and put his head on my lap...giving me hugs and snugs and we call them...denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-71384293012175640592011-12-29T08:03:00.000-08:002011-12-29T08:03:01.628-08:00santa, finding goggin and catching up<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkhnPq8XYGfvjM9l9EZ6OnEDae-CmeA0rqVK2pzEHOhCjlo6TG1t1cKwbWKOnFcqdkihmUgwd07I8arnG-A-kad4QSE2_QYDsN8G84uJWaPn6o6yDjkVd-JQ8902-tnXOUSGwJzsx2uBI/s1600/20111221114103_0001_1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkhnPq8XYGfvjM9l9EZ6OnEDae-CmeA0rqVK2pzEHOhCjlo6TG1t1cKwbWKOnFcqdkihmUgwd07I8arnG-A-kad4QSE2_QYDsN8G84uJWaPn6o6yDjkVd-JQ8902-tnXOUSGwJzsx2uBI/s320/20111221114103_0001_1.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
it has been nearly 2 weeks and that is way too long to be away from this blog...my goal was to blog every 2 to 3 days...i sent out 150 christmas cards over two weeks ago telling people they could keep up with our lives here and yet i haven't updated...so let's see a quick snapshot of what we've been up to...my dad's birthday was the 18th...it was a drizzly stay-at-home day...we had a brief garage sale before the rain came...got rid of some big items, made a little money, sold (and consumed) coffee, cocoa and donuts...mainly worked on our house and hung out...later that week i went to my mom and sister's house for a couple of days...we did a little christmas together and ate at our favorite vietnamese place, adong...hung out with my friend staci while she made christmas cookies and the children played, visited with flor for an hour of meaningful conversation over coffee, yogurt with dave and the family...i made eight personalized calendars for manuel, his parents, his siblings and my mom and sis (i put a LOT of time into these...choosing photos representative of holidays for each month and/or a photo of the person who has a birthday that month...along with our family's birthdays/anniversaries printed)...we took a photo with santa a couple days before christmas (to guarantee we'd all be sick for the holiday...almost inevitably happens every year)...sea had written her wish list and even made one for her brother...they started singing christmas carols and santa joined in...here is sea with "ooh-ahh"...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj45OgHyFW0ksjxy8se27Pp34r7vFXFqcKsZNwBc63GEB_eHy-u2kH38TBAOjbYCeCko5u_PEm_uYit9XEAx-BjvhKzuoRICqVWoGIei7fZ3Yvg3IBv1sqre4aFgbZ3WMfsXXmMQcGGRo0/s1600/IMG_7556.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj45OgHyFW0ksjxy8se27Pp34r7vFXFqcKsZNwBc63GEB_eHy-u2kH38TBAOjbYCeCko5u_PEm_uYit9XEAx-BjvhKzuoRICqVWoGIei7fZ3Yvg3IBv1sqre4aFgbZ3WMfsXXmMQcGGRo0/s320/IMG_7556.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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sometime last summer sea lost her favorite stuffed animal, goggin...here she is about 2 years old showing him off...i thought we would never be able to replace this albino tiger/opposum like animal but this past weekend in ventura we found one at a thrift store! i literally yelled "GOGGIN!!" and started crying...i'll post a current photo of her with this new creature...he doesn't have his fur loved off yet...</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiy51CcyxAFBEeW3KfW5hbtp_79Joixj0xsbFqO5GCXuO15LTSvY8I26Dvt2gkb9AuYduOJMO5MpNvbiszMXpic7CQs-KZpg8Ym7dDQ60uJ1iE8dhPcIfxLwzcZUYkKDyU3lLay2yyc5A/s1600/CIMG1125.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiy51CcyxAFBEeW3KfW5hbtp_79Joixj0xsbFqO5GCXuO15LTSvY8I26Dvt2gkb9AuYduOJMO5MpNvbiszMXpic7CQs-KZpg8Ym7dDQ60uJ1iE8dhPcIfxLwzcZUYkKDyU3lLay2yyc5A/s320/CIMG1125.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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here is a drawing sea made on a computer program of goggin:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT02wkFPm0JUGMjAmMIxMVQlctbI8fn_hPUhIrEfAZ84Sy0THdfGNNZ8_kdlHKkDwEY0PD0WEuhUHOGx_qXMuq6cYNtKp7mPMPd-XFwOwn870Gv8zVOKl6Fli2K8ITN5P4-0mRJa698cs/s1600/goggin+with+his+pink+nowes" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT02wkFPm0JUGMjAmMIxMVQlctbI8fn_hPUhIrEfAZ84Sy0THdfGNNZ8_kdlHKkDwEY0PD0WEuhUHOGx_qXMuq6cYNtKp7mPMPd-XFwOwn870Gv8zVOKl6Fli2K8ITN5P4-0mRJa698cs/s320/goggin+with+his+pink+nowes" width="231" /></a></div>
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that's about all i can fit in before running off so photos/details of christmas will have to wait...later today we will go to the zoo with some friends and then sea world with my sister tomorrow...</div>
<br />denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-12959449640830193752011-12-17T07:34:00.000-08:002011-12-17T07:34:41.573-08:00sea's winter holiday party at school<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPEijBfNPOVR-apcKdSLU2JqUTwNQWHCIlP1R49-Eh07jb3jbtAOQj1BiiJNIDYrGmw5MHnPnW3Eid1q0cY7_iLBsVBA-R325jSbqZ8dxgvhCFs7rcvh4T31Zq5Xb7pYj68334SeqgUvUp/s1600/IMG_7584.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPEijBfNPOVR-apcKdSLU2JqUTwNQWHCIlP1R49-Eh07jb3jbtAOQj1BiiJNIDYrGmw5MHnPnW3Eid1q0cY7_iLBsVBA-R325jSbqZ8dxgvhCFs7rcvh4T31Zq5Xb7pYj68334SeqgUvUp/s320/IMG_7584.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
yesterday was sea's "winter party" at school...here she is with a couple of "my students" all wearing their party dresses...she made a wreath out of her hand prints that we hung on our red front door...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZkBFRTtUTuN5jtArdcVNZ5Quk5dzDllUDyXuSUoFPM6F8MXfcVPza6ElZw5FgiveHaySPIwaKrsuObwSDK0Wp6FQIFAIqMzall51jXeBGWmvLIpSI6xU4ypEDh3xDdNgJTd6q3kiwgYkY/s1600/IMG_7586.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZkBFRTtUTuN5jtArdcVNZ5Quk5dzDllUDyXuSUoFPM6F8MXfcVPza6ElZw5FgiveHaySPIwaKrsuObwSDK0Wp6FQIFAIqMzall51jXeBGWmvLIpSI6xU4ypEDh3xDdNgJTd6q3kiwgYkY/s320/IMG_7586.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
class photo of her classmates all wearing their santa hats...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiZUWqR5t3zJ-HjwGI-K8du1UnLwUtzg4BexB7VeyaNKRaTeiDabdUvzYsEcyr92k0EZspc4FL9TRNkftSljOndglz29m6wdUzDj9PEcCazUnh_tpfSoOtJtuElXfCUwqsA7hWkB4N56Bb/s1600/IMG_7617.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiZUWqR5t3zJ-HjwGI-K8du1UnLwUtzg4BexB7VeyaNKRaTeiDabdUvzYsEcyr92k0EZspc4FL9TRNkftSljOndglz29m6wdUzDj9PEcCazUnh_tpfSoOtJtuElXfCUwqsA7hWkB4N56Bb/s320/IMG_7617.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
sea's holiday display on the bulletin board...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0mx9EGLE0A4Mk99L_GqVlz6xQzWfC604eCCTl3SnmRJtywl44JLCaQ6r_BW9AozQwOh8AaSf34K2QrS569w7XE7HQrfjKmbWlF0l_TBMHdjtwIyGBWSBeRqtI8dgsGpzuhfzHnAEO4U9H/s1600/IMG_7644.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0mx9EGLE0A4Mk99L_GqVlz6xQzWfC604eCCTl3SnmRJtywl44JLCaQ6r_BW9AozQwOh8AaSf34K2QrS569w7XE7HQrfjKmbWlF0l_TBMHdjtwIyGBWSBeRqtI8dgsGpzuhfzHnAEO4U9H/s320/IMG_7644.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
she wrote "christmas. my favorite holiday in winter is christmas. first we hung up christmas decorations on our very ? xmas tree. then i and the rest of my family take a xmas photo with santa claus. finally i made cookies and cocoa for santa claus and stay up late and xmas night and watch santa come"<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB7XMEmgnfWljpQSjllUN6WoZORc-y2q66WkmC8BLG6ZPGjk73WyRmc7Bjdk8C4dWboqi5Bv_iVhfXrh0l1-N76iAiY8x0EFmcwklgMzbTqSXF7XXDFg8QGLoKg0Qnicz5O6sxU1gjWLBg/s1600/IMG_7645.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB7XMEmgnfWljpQSjllUN6WoZORc-y2q66WkmC8BLG6ZPGjk73WyRmc7Bjdk8C4dWboqi5Bv_iVhfXrh0l1-N76iAiY8x0EFmcwklgMzbTqSXF7XXDFg8QGLoKg0Qnicz5O6sxU1gjWLBg/s320/IMG_7645.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
here is what she drew to go along with this description...i love how she drew herself peeking around the corner...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ0_vnopmYUjISSsWNDbhY1sH8yjSczGiglXogEzjWB_PPwj7TAScQuDLcynMpdC5fQmvSkESud4F_pxz30cxtIzVi-4qDvefo__Q0NTywEEWFRvV0Y7YDPs8s78NlYHtqVGyAhplFBmnr/s1600/IMG_7646.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ0_vnopmYUjISSsWNDbhY1sH8yjSczGiglXogEzjWB_PPwj7TAScQuDLcynMpdC5fQmvSkESud4F_pxz30cxtIzVi-4qDvefo__Q0NTywEEWFRvV0Y7YDPs8s78NlYHtqVGyAhplFBmnr/s320/IMG_7646.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
i just added a "flickr" badge on the right hand side of my blog...looking forward to uploading photos there regularly both as a back up and so i can supplement my life in photos on a larger scale there instead of trying to upload so many to this blog...denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-81305228210999870152011-12-15T18:57:00.000-08:002013-07-12T23:42:23.059-07:00tree decorated and holiday cards sent<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyRb_tvhRb6iBCbI99PFrsAv8pfad9e0yH8MJPalnjuew6ULZr4J2Jc7UlNxgAkNHlSeOfythqxdin0sFEb1M3jNkOB-G9qQ4rI1OHQTgH7Fb0liTWuqKj3axuOhRa3WFErXJBSZtGfjVO/s1600/IMG_8234.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyRb_tvhRb6iBCbI99PFrsAv8pfad9e0yH8MJPalnjuew6ULZr4J2Jc7UlNxgAkNHlSeOfythqxdin0sFEb1M3jNkOB-G9qQ4rI1OHQTgH7Fb0liTWuqKj3axuOhRa3WFErXJBSZtGfjVO/s320/IMG_8234.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
we bought our 7 foot ($20!) tree from ikea the first of the month...just decorated it a few days ago (we've been out of town 2 weekends in a row)...all my holiday cards were printed, address labels and stamps arrived...just couldn't pull the assembly/writing of sentiments together until today...and only the friends in the first half of the alphabet got personal sentiments because i just had to mail them all...here are a few photos of tree decorating...sea almost fell into the tree...nothing the cat and dog haven't both done already...here story is placing "ooh-aah" (rudolph) into the tree...he likes to sing about his "shiny shiny nose"...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4_ghhKlUmrB7oFytjr71OFpJH9XhfciWQJhHu2jrAQ0_12MoaFa7kJ55423jRfCqF8pzTL8VMDeUADeAvj9BgMZpn17HUoGDAVg7KtKHH1Z6mpZTAHlKOBJ2y54gvipTz58rrGMZBpVC5/s1600/IMG_8236.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4_ghhKlUmrB7oFytjr71OFpJH9XhfciWQJhHu2jrAQ0_12MoaFa7kJ55423jRfCqF8pzTL8VMDeUADeAvj9BgMZpn17HUoGDAVg7KtKHH1Z6mpZTAHlKOBJ2y54gvipTz58rrGMZBpVC5/s320/IMG_8236.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
sea is placing the snowflakes she cut out...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW5yesuoHcLkA8wrq5COjJYFqddnDk5364-3HRIB0v1ugKArXdlBaidFboZFFwWWnKboMwbk0jrZZoIhJbxdI0lwfpYc3dGKeRCekmxjns5zagx56O3_VDrRbvxdAKa29dcMCaP7C1t217/s1600/IMG_8240.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW5yesuoHcLkA8wrq5COjJYFqddnDk5364-3HRIB0v1ugKArXdlBaidFboZFFwWWnKboMwbk0jrZZoIhJbxdI0lwfpYc3dGKeRCekmxjns5zagx56O3_VDrRbvxdAKa29dcMCaP7C1t217/s320/IMG_8240.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
here is the holiday letter i sent out with details from 2011:<br />
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<br />
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<b><span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">SEAsons greetings from san diego 2011<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">dear
friends and family,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">our
biggest news this year was acquiring a puppy, kyra and a kitten, pablo…the
family photos were taken on our road trip to portland…with that I’ll share what
we’ve been up to, what we hope to be up to, and a section with details about
sea and story.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><u><span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">2011
highlights<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">we started
out the year at a new year’s day brunch at char and raj’s house. we really
enjoy weekly art class for sea with bhavna at char’s house…sea creates with
children her age while story plays with the younger siblings…riding bikes and playing
with their chickens while I sip chai with char. I’ve also enjoyed weekly meet
ups with my longtime friend cara and her daughter bria (zoo, museums, parks and
walks to name a few activities). I’ve been busy with my role as room mom and
teaching art corps in sea’s class and love being involved in her school
activities. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">early this
year I attempted to create/be a part of two cooperative preschools with story…one
with friends from waldorf mommy-and-me preschool and we were briefly a part of
an outdoor preschool. when I was new to being a SAHM I joked I was most
successful at this role when I didn’t stay home and I was out keeping busy with
classes and socialization for sea…now with story I’ve come to believe “less is
more” and I find I most often enjoy our time just being at home together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">we spend a
lot of time outdoors…m will go into work early and get off early so we can
spend the afternoons by the pool, walk/run along the boardwalk at mission
beach, and on weekends we will walk around the local swap meet or pack up the
wagon and gear and take our doggy to coronado dog beach. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">in
february m and I ran our first (half) marathon, the surf city marathon in
huntington beach. I originally signed up to support my friend maggie in memory
of family lost but we enjoyed it enough to sign up for another. on feb 12 we
celebrated m's 40<sup>th</sup> birthday at our house with friends, family
and their children. mid-month sea sang “somewhere over the rainbow” a cappella
at her first school talent show. at the end
of the month I co-hosted a baby shower for becki in sacramento (my first
overnight away from sea and story).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">the first
week in march we celebrated story’s 3<sup>rd</sup> birthday at our house with a
robot theme…crafts, decorations and a huge jumpy castle in the back yard. save
the date for his 4th birthday party on march 4. I chaperoned sea’s first field
trip: we watched an orchestra perform vilvaldi’s four seasons downtown. at the
end of the month our family went on a church retreat at pine springs ranch, the
camp I attended as a child . the children were super excited about playing in
SNOW. on the way home from this trip we decided to stop and look at some
puppies (we’d been trying to find a puppy for over 6 months). I told m he
could choose the dog since he’d been a part of my cat claire’s life for 15 of
her 17 years with several strays acquired in between. I told him I was leaning
away from his favorite, a weimaraner, because they can be hyper and neurotic…well
you can see where this story is going…we stopped to check out some weimaraner
puppies and our whole family fell in love with kyra and brought her home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">a few
weeks later, in april, we acquired our black and white kitten, pablo. I’m a cat
lover but aware that most cats prefer to interact with you on their terms so we
checked out a LOT of kittens before determining this cat wanted to adopt US…evidently
we were successful; he lets the children dress him, carry him upside down, stroll
him in a doll stroller…he purrs the whole time…for easter we hunted for eggs
and shared brunch with friends at our friend kim’s house. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">in may I
attended my cousin kate’s baby shower. I also chaperoned sea’s second field
trip to oma’s dairy farm. at the end of the month, bill, nancy and aunt mandy
flew across the country to attend a dedication of my dad's memorial chapel
in the department of social work. this event coincided with the 5<sup>th</sup>
anniversary of my dad’s death and though this loss continues to be an underlying
ache I’m coming to a place where I can celebrate his life and share with my
children and those around me the positive perspective he had on life through my
words and actions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">in june we
attended our cousin alyssa’s 8<sup>th</sup> grade graduation (wasn’t she just a
little flower girl in our wedding?!)…manuel and I ran in the san diego rock roll half marathon…sea had
her kindergarten promotion and a class pool party and then soon after we left
on a 2.5 week road trip stopping to spend father’s day with m’s family in
ventura…time playing with cousins skye and ayva, then picked up missy, clarence
and cousin meadow on our way north…we hung out with becki and met her new baby
cleo, hit the hotel pools on our drive, ate at black bear diner and eventually
made it to our destination, portland. the children had a blast playing with
iris and auden…tumbling, climbing, making art and watching mary poppins while
manuel and I caught up with marc and karri. I co-hosted a baby shower for ana,
paul and their new baby skylar at our friend debbie’s house…it was lovely to
hang out with ana in her neck of the woods…a BBQ with many friends at
richard/tomi’s house, and hanging out with ana, karri and michal with all our
kiddos at a neighborhood café.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">our friend
wendy spontaneously had us over for a home cooked meal, roasted marshmallows
and a professional photo shoot in the meadow by her house (the main photo on
our holiday card was taken by her there)…her photography is incredible…if you
are anywhere near portland you should have her photograph you <a href="http://www.wjcphoto.com/"><span style="color: black;">http://www.wjcphoto.com/</span></a>
you can check out her blog post with photos from our photo shoot here: <a href="http://wjcphoto.com/blog/?p=244"><span style="color: black;">http://wjcphoto.com/blog/?p=244</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">we briefly
met up with kathy and her grandchildren and then went camping on our road trip
home. this was one of the highlights for the children; we hope to go camping
more regularly! arlene and kenny hosted us in their home in pacifica…homemade
dinner, walk to breakfast and the beach the next morning…lovely times…we spent
much of the day driving around san francisco and walking across the golden gate
bridge (bottom photo on our card)…met up with jeremy and lesley for fun with
dogs, dinner, ice cream and a sleep over and then we met up with the in-laws and went to the local swap meet in ventura on our way home. we spent the fourth
of july back in san diego…spent the day at the beach and then had pizza and
watched fireworks overlooking the bay and downtown with mimi and angee marci…we
met our new cousin, ryder, katie’s son, and went swimming with his sister
chloe. we were sad to say farewell to dear friends sarah, andy, calvin and desmond
who moved to georgia. sea had her annual la jolla shores beach party for her 6<sup>th</sup>
birthday. over 100 people came! put sunday july 28 on your calendar for her 7<sup>th</sup>
bday party…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">the rest
of the summer was filled with beach and pool days…sea taught herself to ride a
bike in a few tries, the zoo, sea world, making rocket ship popsicles…story
passed the swim test at age 3 with sea’s prompting…they both loved the mary
poppins play (and believed she was flying above the audience…asked for a magic
umbrella so they could fly, too)…in august sea and story participated in cousin
ally’s wedding…walking down the aisle with their cousins kate, lisa and little
chloe…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">in
september m and I took our first
weekend away from the children (thank you mimi and angee marci!) and flew to portland
for labor day weekend to celebrate george and lynsey’s wedding at a lovely
reception hosted at richard and tomi’s house. it was great to see so many
friends together…yair & teresa, tony, jeremy, john, marc & karri to
name a few....sea started first grade the day after we returned. later in the
month, sea and story both took their inaugural voyage on surf boards at haley’s
birthday party.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">in october
we were blessed to have our friends from australia (we met them on our honey
moon in the cook islands) michelle, tama and atina visit us. manuel and I went
on a string of dates to various music shows including cold cave, washed out and
cut copy, paul simon and a classic band from our high school years OMD…it was
an awesome show! I was part of a 1<sup>st</sup> café booth at sea’s
school for the fall festival, sea was a “princess mermaid fairy” for her class
Halloween parade and party and story dressed up as a superhero of some sort
with a cape…it was our first year trick-or-treating in our neighborhood and it was nice to run into many neighbors
and classmates.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">in november
I chaperoned sea’s first 1<sup>st</sup> grade field trip to a play performance
of sound of music…sea knows most of the songs (story jumps in and sings along
with her in the car) and informed us she wants to sing “my favorite things” for
this year’s talent show. she has also mentioned on several occasions she wants
to “be on stage someday”. we went jogging at mission beach alongside sea and
story riding their bikes (replacing the double stroller from earlier this year),
la jolla scripps aquarium…thanksgiving with uncle dave and family at the beach
house and met our new cousin clara…spent the weekend with manuel’s family…the
children loved playing with their cousins…I was missing lorie on what would
have been her 40<sup>th</sup> bday the end of the month…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">it is now
december…we just got back from our 2<sup>nd</sup> trip to sacramento—1st to
celebrate john’s 40<sup>th</sup> birthday and to try to “catch” auntie missy
giving birth to our new cousin…roman decided to arrive the week after…lovely
cousin time and we had fun making music in missy and clarence’s garage…we have
various holiday parties we will attend, class activities…music…story is singing
how rudolph had a “shiny shiny nose”…we enjoy decorating and singing xmas songs
as a family…drinking “egg milk” by the fire…sea is diligently making
decorations with special emphasis on cutting out snowflakes (fascinated since
she doesn’t see snow here in san diego).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">I am
considering picking up a few substitute teaching assignments teaching
psychology at mesa college nearby in anticipation I may return to teaching once
story is in kindergarten; for now I’m loving staying home and being involved in
sea’s school.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<b><u><span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">2011 goals
<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">one of our
top goals is to slow down and enjoy what is…we have no immediate trips,
weddings or major life events on our horizon…I turn 40 february 15 so I’m
trying to figure out if I’ll do something low key with family or m
suggested I type “keep the weekend of February 17-20 (president’s day weekend)
open for a surprise party for denise” </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; font-size: 9pt;">J</span><span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;"> This will be my last full year to enjoy
having story home with me before he starts kindergarten 2013. I hope to walk sea to school, garden, cook,
read and write but mostly to enjoy playing, drawing, building, parks, etc.
before sea and story grow up too much more and don’t need me as much (or at
least don’t think that they do). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<h1>
<span style="font-size: 9pt;">blog update<o:p></o:p></span></h1>
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<span style="font-size: 9pt;">I continue to enjoy blogging…combining my love for writing, photography,
and noticing the minutia of my daily life as mommy… my goal is to post 2 or 3
times a week…I’ve had my google blogspot account for 4 years now and it is
almost full so I’m going to be migrating elsewhere this year...any web/blog
advice is appreciated! for now you can catch up with us here: <a href="http://mommysjourney.blogspot.com/"><span style="color: black;">http://mommysjourney.blogspot.com/</span></a>
as always I hope to balance writing
about life with living it…you can follow my photo chronicle of our life on
flickr my user name is “sea and story’s mommy”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><u><span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">sea and
story<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">I record a
lot of the “little things” about sea and story on my blog…they both love art
and creating things…recently they’ve been singing together or making music on
the piano/drums/instruments they create…they play well together role playing
doggies or kitties or that they are married (when they aren’t fighting)…both
love to ride bikes, climb trees, explore outdoors and “down the hill”…sea has
recently gotten into reading and has gone from sounding out words to reading
full books…I couldn’t be more excited that she can share this passion with me
now…she still loves writing and illustrating her own stories…usually about
mermaids or fairies…story is all boy in some ways…collecting and noticing
garbage trucks, cranes, fork lifts, “ollicopters” and zooming around in his
superman shirt and cape…on our recent road trips they were both asking to “do
math” where we give them problems to solve…story calls his “hard finger math”…they
said “we are going to catch some winks” for a “couple whiles” and like watching
the “bouncy bears” (berenstain bears)…in between “hugs and snugs” …trying to
hold on to all our little things…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><u><span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">staying in
touch<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">please
update us with any address, phone or e-mail changes. all our info is the same.
we are on and off facebook…a blessing and a curse in trying to be more present with
our family yet connected to you all…we love and miss all of you so keep us
updated on your lives. we’d love to have you visit! time goes so fast…we thank
God for our blessings daily…appreciating the “couple whiles” we have…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Kristen ITC'; font-size: 9pt;">Love
always, </span><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-88306985761862666942011-12-09T06:47:00.001-08:002013-07-13T08:51:27.404-07:00exploring sacramento capital park with fall colors<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyq9iaXqXPZKyetYrDV62s3jXYJckw0qKI5c5AxWJjFNFhQAxxhUz32CoNFBHHzH3QXyAkhDzFHyEYgQ8DurE-jO73nMLG07u_pwn2-1EdJfQWfT9gBAbMhKE9mxYLZpG-1BIeq-tk-RVg/s1600/IMG_7246.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyq9iaXqXPZKyetYrDV62s3jXYJckw0qKI5c5AxWJjFNFhQAxxhUz32CoNFBHHzH3QXyAkhDzFHyEYgQ8DurE-jO73nMLG07u_pwn2-1EdJfQWfT9gBAbMhKE9mxYLZpG-1BIeq-tk-RVg/s320/IMG_7246.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
this past weekend we took a road trip to sacramento for a good friend's 40th birthday party. manuel's sister missy is due to have her 2nd child any day (they live in sacramento) and we were hoping to "catch" (ok, not literally) the birth at the same time...we stayed at the downtown residence inn (love those places...extra bed, front room, kitchen, free full breakfast with eggs, free internet, etc.) and while manuel slept the children and i ate and then explored the park around the capital building. it was a monday and sea was supposed to be in school...times like this i could really embrace homeschooling but sea was excited to get back to school to tell "her students" about her adventures...more photos of our music making in uncle clarence's garage in the next few days once i wrap up sending out holiday cards...<br />
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<br />denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-31011054088320778062011-11-30T23:36:00.001-08:002011-12-01T06:29:58.884-08:002011 snapshot in photos<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
today is the last day of NABLOPOMO...i made it...posting this last post less than 20 minutes before midnight. i'm too tired to write much so i thought it would be appropriate to post some representative photos from 2011 (i'm working on writing our holiday letter and looking over the past year's photos to remember what i want to write about)...the following photos are out of chronological order because they were taken with two cameras and they are uploaded according to jpeg number...i could post them without comment but will give a brief description...</div>
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august...story passing the swim test at our community pool...</div>
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march...sea and story hanging out in their first snow while at family camp in idyllwild...<br />
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march...sea with kyra shortly after we got her...<br />
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summer sometime...sea joining the folk band at the swap meet here in san diego...<br />
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our sunny son story...<br />
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april...story with our new kitten pablo...<br />
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august...story running off the diving board after passing the swim test...<br />
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august...sea and story exhausted from a full day of swimming...<br />
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? sea wiggling one of the 4 teeth she lost this year...<br />
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april...easter egg hunt...<br />
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september...back to school...<br />
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september...sea carrying her box about herself....<br />
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september...walking to school with poppy...<br />
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? sea and story "getting married"...<br />
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october...halloween playdate craft...<br />
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? one of many art classes and sea showing her work...<br />
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february...running at mission beach...<br />
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january...happy new year brunch (this was supposed to be the first photo)...<br />
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october...sea as a princess fairy mermaid with her brother as pooh at her school...<br />
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? sometime at the beach...<br />
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?...beach...<br />
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june...sea's promotion from kindergarten...<br />
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january...sea early "surfing" with dad...<br />
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? sunny beach day with smiling dad...<br />
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? dad and sea snuggling...<br />
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? story after dropping sea off at school stopping to pick dandelions...<br />
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june...sea's last day of school...<br />
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november...family thanksgiving shot with our new cousin clara...<br />
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february...about to run the surf city marathon...<br />
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february...dad's 40th bday party at our house...<br />
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february...sea taking valentines to school and a card for ms. baker...<br />
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march...story's 3rd birthday party at our house...<br />
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march...story showing he is 3...<br />
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february...sea singing somewhere over the rainbow in the school talent show...<br />
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july...heading home on our road trip at the golden gate bridge in san francisco...<br />
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july...sea's 6th birthday party at the beach...<br />
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<br />denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-27999010401817042352011-11-29T06:24:00.001-08:002011-11-29T09:05:08.112-08:00"just write" #1...link in on extraordinary ordinaryi've written this idea many times...the idea that i <i>just need to write more than anything else</i>. more than the content, more than the outcome, more than the reason, more than the time i have to do so, more than how good it is, more than who reads it, etc. etc. and now heather, from one of my favorite blogs of all time, the <a href="http://extraordinary-ordinary.net/">extraordinary ordinary</a>, is challenging her readers to "just write" and link back up on her blog every tuesday. here is her description of what to freely write about:<br />
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"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: 'Droid Sans', 'Lucida Grande', Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">Write whatever</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: 'Droid Sans', 'Lucida Grande', Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;"> </span><strong style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: 'Droid Sans', 'Lucida Grande', Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">is happening around you WHILE you are writing</strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: 'Droid Sans', 'Lucida Grande', Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: 'Droid Sans', 'Lucida Grande', Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">(sometimes that’s the very best) </span><strong style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: 'Droid Sans', 'Lucida Grande', Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">OR</span> whatever DETAILS you remember about your day or a specific experience</strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: 'Droid Sans', 'Lucida Grande', Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">.</span><br />
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Next, <strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">try not to clarify or explain what you want to speak through your post too much</strong>. (Try not to force a theme or message.) Just write your experiences. What did you: See? Smell? Touch? Feel? Hear? What did it make you think?</div>
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Then watch how your ordinary and extraordinary experiences speak <em style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">all on their own</em>. That’s it!"</div>
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you can add your link and join me<a href="http://extraordinary-ordinary.net/2011/11/28/just-write-the-12th/"> here</a>.<br />
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<i>***ADD A COMMENT ON MY POST IF YOU ARE LINKED AND I'LL READ YOURS :)</i></div>
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<b>free association</b> has always been the best way to describe my writing. in fact, free association was one of my first labels since i couldn't think of a better way to describe what many of my posts were about. it is also a psychological term and my educational background is in psychology. i was a psychology professor before i became a full time stay-at-home mommy. so i included heather's instructions because i can easily write about the thoughts/feelings i have, the details of my day, observations, etc. the difficult part of this challenge for me will be "try not to clarify or explain what you want to speak through your post"...in fact, i was thinking if i ever had enough readers to come up with my own challenge i would have the opposite "<b>just analyze</b>"...like pick a topic/problem/issue in your life and analyze it through as many different angles as you can think of...then link up and get feedback from other readers...i think some of the most <b>personal </b>blogs are the most interesting. in fact, i have very few readers but when i titled a recent post "irritable and moping" which isn't that personal, i more than doubled my readers on that post. unfortunately the post itself wasn't that interesting. even now as i type this i think i should go edit/add/change the content...but i rarely remove much of what i write...what i'm getting at is often in the middle of all the rambles and can't be reduced down. my husband on the other hand can say what he means in very few words. both in conversation and in writing. and i think there are pros and cons to both approaches. we balance one another in that way. we are also both nerdy and feel understood by few (fortunately each other)...my <a href="http://mommysjourney.blogspot.com/2011/11/i-heart-nerds.html">previous post</a> touched on this idea briefly...</div>
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i feel like i'm stalling...waiting for inspiration or the nugget i was thinking about as i went to bed that connects to so many other ideas...i'll get there...but wanted to ask a question of any readers i may have...i currently have a google blogspot account that is 90%+ at its max. i haven't yet figured out what that means and what will happen when i do max out (i assume this is from the many photos in my posts). but i'm prepared to pay for my blog and commit to it on a deeper level (as evidenced by my willingness to pay for it). i thought i just went to one place and tried to register a domain name but when i tried to do that this morning i found several hosts (am i using the right terminology?) and also have questions like how to have all the features on google...i briefly read about wordpress and that sounds like the answer there...<b>any suggestions on how to transfer my 4 years of blogging into a new site and which host to use?</b> i don't have many readers to transfer there so i can have a fresh start without worrying who i will lose, but i don't want to lose anything i've written (or comments on posts) or any of my photos. is there a max to how many photos total or data for that matter you can put up on a domain? do you pay extra for that? </div>
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so no more stalling...i have 15 minutes to get some content down so i can start getting my daughter sea ready for school. last night as i was reflecting on what i wanted to blog about i was thinking about this very idea of "just writing" about the details of my day and what i thought about. and then i came across heather's blog in my blog roll and realized i really wanted to do it more officially and connect to other people doing it and credit her for bringing us together so you can join, too!</div>
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the other reason i decided to connect with heather's challenge is that I LOVE HER BLOG...really, i have no reason to promote her other than she is a blogger <b>i relate with</b>, <b>enjoy reading </b>and she <b>strikes that balance between living in the moment</b> (her blog name embodies that...she appreciates the little ordinary things and sees the extraordinary in them) and <b>finding meaning </b>without trying so hard to do so that she misses the little things or daily life. in fact, <b>daily life and the little things ARE what is most meaningful </b>in many cases...</div>
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which reminds me when i was trying to find my niche or voice or what i liked to write about back in high school a teacher once said "<b>truth is stranger than fiction</b>" and what i took from that is writing about things you know can often be more compelling than trying to create something...i've always been more of a non-fiction writer so that made sense to me. i also mentioned my psychology background and how i just naturally analyze...usually myself more than others, but i'm always looking for hidden meanings or trying to figure out how things relate.</div>
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last night i was also reflecting on my struggle with depression and how people seemed to want to read a post about struggling..."<b>misery loves company</b>"...or maybe people just like to feel like "my life, my problems aren't THAT bad..." for example, my mom has hoarding tendencies so the show "hoarders" is very refreshing to her because she can feel like she isn't a hoarder watching it...</div>
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i also just think people are more HUMAN when they are comfortable sharing their weaknesses. from a psychological standpoint the idea that <b>disclosure leads to disclosure</b>. so if i share something personal about myself you are much more likely to share something about yourself than if i keep our interaction very surface level. or if i encourage you to talk about personal things about yourself, you somehow feel closer to me like i "know" you better...i can see how getting readers and comments on your blog could be very cathartic in this way.</div>
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so back to the sad ideas i was reflecting on last night...i was thinking how when i attend funerals i rarely care about the general descriptions given "he/she was kind, generous, loving, etc."...what really chokes me up are the <b>small descriptive details of people's lives</b>...examples of things they said or did...the same holds true for blogs...when bloggers write about minutia of their daily life i can often relate with what that means even without them having a theme or describing what they are trying to do by writing about those details. i think this is partly what heather is getting at with her challenge. the idea that we can all relate on the very human and personal aspect of these details.</div>
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well my 15 minutes are up and i didn't even get to the small details of yesterday...one of the ideas i was hoping to touch on occurred when i went to java mama, i cafe designed so children could play in a play area while moms eat/drink/work/hang out. this concept worked well when my children were younger. really it worked fine yesterday in the sense that my children enjoyed playing...wearing dress up, zooming around on a small car, role playing with toys and other children...what struck me, though was how <b>my children are no longer toddlers</b>. this shouldn't be shocking considering they are almost 4 and 6. but somehow i just thought children universally continued to enjoy songs like "the wheels on the bus" and "hokey pokey" (i didn't really think this...just was surprised how far past this my children are).</div>
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i always thought i wanted to have a <b>big family</b>...always wished i had a brother, more siblings. i had hoped to provide my children with this until i had two very spirited, active, intense children. i can't keep up with them. i know someday they will channel this energy into something positive (and they often do now) but i'm often mediating between them with each other, with other children, with adults and it can be exhausting. i've said "i only have two hands" and that i need one for each child (literally and figuratively)...yet when i hang out with first time moms, friends with only one child younger than mine, or even friends who have their third, i somehow get a little jealous of the opportunity to start over. have a fresh start. make different decisions how i interact with my children, what activities we do, what i notice. because really i don't have too many regrets what i did or didn't do...my regrets are more about <b>not BEING THERE in the moment...PRESENT</b>...and not trying to take photos or write about it, but <b>experiencing it</b>. so i will leave on that note. an ever present reminder to myself of how i hope to live. noticing and experiencing the details...the extraordinary ordinary as heather would say.<br />
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i just got back from taking my daughter to school...stopped, LITERALLY to let my son observe (not smell) a brilliant orange red iceland poppy opening up...check out some christmas light decorations...i've posted this blog post on blogher and facebook...hard to put myself out there without feeling i should be adding/editing/writing disclaimers (like this one)...so as i sip my extra strongly brewed sumatra coffee in warmed egg nog and listen to the "paul simon" station on pandora, making breakfast of gluten-free pancakes, hash browns and scrambled eggs...i'll reflect on what else i'd like to add in observations about the little things in my day :)<br />
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today's goal (tomorrow's blog post) is to write my holiday letter...look over last years photos...hopefully i'll write a post with representative photos from all 12 months of last year...we'll see how much time i have...</div>denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-78157162820134077822011-11-28T23:48:00.001-08:002011-11-28T23:53:08.724-08:00i **heart** nerdsmy husband and i just finished watching a 5th recorded episode of "the big bang theory"...my favorite t.v. show as of late...there is something familiar in this show about nerds who relate with one another but not with most of the rest of the world...i was going to analyze the characters and why i like it so but instead i came across a post in my blog roll "just write" that sounded more interesting...it is supposed to link up on tuesdays so i'm going to make this post brief and put my energy into my post for tomorrow (in 10 minutes)...<br />
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my husband is a nerd who i adore, by the way. i was a nerd underneath my otherwise social exterior who had more mainstream friends than i related with growing up...oh my, i need to save some of these free associations for my next post...tune in tomorrow!denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-45060378999327159642011-11-27T23:39:00.001-08:002011-11-28T08:49:58.689-08:00back home...cousin photo...more tomorrowyes i'm squeezing this post in the final seconds of today...<br />
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so much to do to get caught up...here are a couple photos from the tail end of our thanksgiving...sea's card to her cousin skye with a drawing of each of the 5 cousins (6th one due any day)....<br />
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in order they are meadow, story, skye, sea and ayva...here are the last four in the same order:<br />
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story, skye, sea and ayva...<br />
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i have so much to do today so more tomorrow...denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2464734718842097006.post-16562114131949159052011-11-26T22:23:00.001-08:002011-11-26T22:47:30.034-08:00Celebrating what would have been lorie's 40thI figure my irritability and depression in part stemmed from missing my dad over this holiday of thankfulness but also missing my friend lorie<a href="http://http://mommysjourney.blogspot.com/2008/10/losing-lorie.html"></a> who would have turned 40 today. This is what I just e-mailed her mom:
"Dear nancy,
I've been thinking of lorie (and you) for the past few days but today in particular on what would have been her 40th bday. She was so full of life and zest and spunk and lived as if the smallest moments in life were cause for celebration and glee...I know just being in her presence would have been a party all its own today and I'm so sad we can't. I thank God we can reunite someday in heaven but until then I am thankful to celebrate so much of lorie that lives on...
We have been spending the weekend here in ventura with manuel's family and some of his relatives from Bakersfield which of course reminded me how Manuel 1st knew lorie in central California...next weekend we will celebrate johnny facundo's 40th with him in sacramento...I remember hearing stories of them growing up together as just kids and I know we will reminisce all we miss about lorie.
I'll touch base with you in the next few weeks to share more of those stories...for now I'm getting my children to bed too late but just wanted to drop you a short note of appreciation for lorie and let you know we are thinking of you...
Sincerely, denise
Sent from my iPhone"
I wanted to say so much more along with detailed memories but it is late and my energy is low and I just got my children to sleep...denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13862335886915624779noreply@blogger.com0