happy 40+ birthday to me!

"i am ready to blog again...will edit this post later but wanted to get in a february 15th entry after more than 6 months...off to bed..." i wrote that last night right before going to bed...a quick commitment to blog again and i said "i'm ready" before i really was sure that i was...i've been wanting to write a post about this "in between" place that i've been...but i will save that for another day...for now, i just wanted a quick hello and update about the present...

i turned 41 yesterday. not a milestone birthday and it felt no different than any other except it was nearly 75 degrees outside and i'm always whining about rain on my birthday...and i was noticeably free of melancholy and drama...it felt nice to just appreciate what is. i even woke up with energy and ready to pick up my surroundings and appreciate a clean environment to start our day (normally i struggle with feeling these are chores that take away from something more important but on my birthday they somehow felt important and necessary and not that big of a deal). i enjoyed a kona coffee latte, did some yard work and enjoyed the feel of the soil in my fingers and sun on my back. we dog sat percy (a friend and neighbor's dog) and watched him chase and play with our dog kyra for awhile. then we spent an hour at the swap meet, watched a "space" IMAX and finished our day with a yummy thai meal that ended with this mango and sweet sticky rice dessert (sea had pulled our server aside and asked her to bring her mommy a surprise birthday dessert!)

i am just grateful for what is and hope i can return to writing soon.

the start of summer break at mimi and angee's

 it has been nearly 2 months since i wrote in this blog. i'm very aware of this. i have wanted to write several posts...several times...a couple related to just relaxing at the neighborhood pool (but i was enjoying relaxing there more than reporting about it)...one entitled "breathe" where i literally just remembered to slow down enough to take full breaths...this one when i was caught in the middle of coordinating the last couple days parties/gifts in sea's 1st grade class...hibiscus flowering plant with personal notes and money from the parents, photo album with personal notes from each student and a photo of each of them with their teacher, making food for the farewell luau, making gluten-free cupcakes for the summer birthday celebration, etc. room mom jobs i both enjoyed and am glad to have a break from...many, many more missed blog posts that have blended together into experiences that may or may not be memories...

but i'm ok with "losing" some of these because in some ways i feel like i've gained more from being there, in the moment, engaged, active, appreciating the present and not capturing it in any way or analyzing it or trying to make it mean something or fit into something...just allowing the mundane and meaningful moments of my life to be solely what they are and be present to experience them...

i'm out visiting my mom and sis in the home i grew up in. it is in the high 90's here and i left perfect low 70's weather back in san diego but again, i'm appreciating what i've gained out here...time to connect with family (immediate and extended)...time for cousins to play together (sea, story, chloe and seven had a blast in the pool together yesterday...story helped "milk the baby"...feeding baby clara out of a bottle...he said he was an expert at it)...time to hear about my cousin ally's time spent living in spain...appreciate photos of her trip...sea and story were full of questions about the biggest church, statue, etc. and this lead to wanting to record a story about the statue of liberty on my sister's phone...

...the photo above was taken by my sister a couple of years ago...taken from the glider on the back patio...i joined her just rocking together, sipping peligrino, enjoying the breezes passing through and watching the children "plant" the sunflower seeds out of the bird food...then cherry pits for cherry trees, apricot trees, etc. and sea in all seriousness asked her auntie to please take care of her garden while she was gone. she went so far as to make a list of "how to do my garden" so they could properly care for the seeds.

the photo below was taken at the redland's market night a couple years ago...so sea was only four and a half (story's age now)...we are going there again tomorrow night...i love the glee on her face...one of my summer goals this year is to have very few goals/plans other than engaging with my children and following their lead to see where their joy and natural curiosity leads us...(this morning story wanted to "walk to the cemetery to visit granddaddy"...on the way we saw a family of california quail following one another in a line...later we saw a roadrunner sprinting across the street and gobbling up some 4 legged creature)...

 this photo was also taken a couple years ago...story is only 2...but i liked his happiness with my sister marci and vice versa...

 this is the gleeful smile of story probably sneaking some forbidden food item (there has been a lot of that this trip...i am partially to blame because i've been enjoying treats myself and been lax on being at grandma's house)...

 here we are at A dong, a standard dinner when we visit...thai food, mom and pop joint, we know the owner and his daughters, usually order the same things (way too much so we will have leftovers)...i like how sea is reflected in the light...timeless...also, that she has pen poised...love that she is such a little writer...creates stories with words and drawings...will choose to do this over most other activities...

i also love that she will just sit down and play the piano...this seems unrelated but piano will forever remind me of childhood and specifically my mother...she could have been a concert pianist...very talented in her skills and the emotion she could show through her touch on the keys...she also was desperate for her daughters to have skills on the piano and though my sister and i both loved music we fought the process...so i was adamant that sea's piano teacher make the intrinsic enjoyment of playing the piano her number one goal...sea has taught herself so much just WANTING to play instead of feeling like she is "practicing"...it is on her terms, and just like learning to swim and ride a bike, this is what she needed to shine...

 my sister took some sunset photos of us out on the same patio i started this blog post (this one was taken some other time...all these photos in fact were off my sister's laptop since i didn't bring any cords to upload my own...so they are not in real time, just representations of ideas)...sea snugged in close, cheek to cheek, i could feel her breathing...story on my knee...i'm very aware they will soon be too big to both "fit" on my lap for photos...they are outside in the twilight "gardening" and watering...i loved watching my mom read to them both with her many years of 1st grade teaching voices coming through all the characters...and plenty of drama...i'm not sure what made me think of this but sea was very serious about bringing mimi a new wooden doll for her dollhouse (the mommy doll had gotten lost)...she was so proud of herself for completing the family...and i was extra touched by the fact that she noticed the mom was slightly taller than the dad doll (i don't think she planned that part)...

 finally, the children have been spreading bird food (which usually goes into this bird feeder below)...just as they spread love to all the people in their little lives...

last night sea went to bed at almost 1 in the morning...she was reading all her early reader books mimi had bought her and i was going to let her read herself to sleep (while i myself was already asleep) but then after awhile she changed her mind and pulled up the blinds...she wanted to look out over the night sky and the beautiful city (that isn't the word that comes to my mind to describe the inland empire! but maybe to my childhood eyes)...and she literally was just staring out at the lights...she invited me to join her and i regret i was too tired and instead lured her back to sleep...back to my commitment to follow my children's lead on appreciating the little things in life...we have one more day here with mimi and angee and then most of the summer still ahead of us :)

sea and story are now "gardening" in the dark...with my mom...their mimi...they are chatting it up, teaching her the things they are learning about life or all that they know such as their great plans for what will grow and the signs to be careful and how to water and how to care...sea is now calling me to show me something secret in the living room...mimi is headed in there to help sea with her piano...we can all learn from one another...every time i wrap up this post more comes at me to remember or record...story is recording on angee's phone "hi, i am story and i love angee"...he is giggling in an infectious way only a 4-year-old can...sea is getting frustrated with my mom for controlling the way she should learn or play the piano and i am having flashbacks to childhood...but this visit is only for a few days and soon we will be back to our own routines so i am enjoying it for what it is...

overwhelmed yet enjoying kyra...swap meet...

as much as i love taking photos and depicting a few moments in our life each day i really miss writing in this blog or even in a journal...story is whining he wants to "do huckle" which means watch richard scarry videos on the computer...he is eating chocolate (a little before finishing lunch) as a way to buy myself a little time...he got a new truck...hopefully i'll get a photo of this up tomorrow...

just came back from cleaning up two pee-pee accidents (spraying lots of vinegar/dish soap/hot water)...the up side is i have done a lot of spot cleaning on our hardwood floors...just getting my two children out of diapers and now i have this baby...knew this going in but not sure if i have the patience/energy at the moment...tea has been steeping and is now probably cold...put sound of music on for story...guilt over t.v. as a babysitter...

gorgeous sunny san diego day like the blue skies with puffy clouds in these photos taken several days ago...i want to go to the nursery and get seedlings and other items for my garden so i can make that a regular part of our daily routine but i obsess over what to plant/when, not having proper soil/amendments, afraid of rabbits eating everything and no fences, wanting to get worms for our compost, not weeding, etc. etc. excuses for doing nothing at all...


quick photo narration...here is sea with a bag packed to take to the elderly neighbor...hot cross buns my mom brought, random fennel and flowers she picked in the canyon, a card she made, banana for a snack, etc...
and sea's adoration/love/snuggles with kyra...


yesterday we went to what we term the "ramate" (kobey's swap meet)...so many opportunities for great photos escaped me with children trying to run show me things, kyra trying to jump off, etc...it was exhausting but fun...manuel usually finds one item he can make money selling on ebay to recoup our expenditures...
here is sea near the end of the day...as tired as the dog, as all of us...
i took several shots because she was laughing about something...


just as we were leaving a lady selling books told us each to choose one so she had less to pack to take home...story chose the "ginger man" (gingerbread man), manuel got david sedaris' "dress your family in corduroy and denim" (per her suggestion) and she turned to me and said, "here, you want a good book? read this" and handed me "the history of love" by nicole krauss. if i can ever get a few moments free i believe i will really enjoy this book. i'm a tragic romantic so like just the idea of it already. finally, sea grabbed hugo's "les miserables" most likely because it was the thickest book and she liked the idea of reading something grown up...

on our way home we picked up a couple books about weimaraners (i could really use some tips on raising ours) and then manuel read sea a little of twain's "tom sawyer"...she loved it of course. i've been longing for the time when we could all read together...sea is almost to the point where she can read little books to story if she has the interest/patience...

kyra is finally napping. story is happy watching his movie. i finally have time and my mind goes blank...i've had all these ideas in my head i wanted to blog about all morning...so weird how that happens...

guess i'll go be productive...oh, that reminds me...i miss "following" blogs but on the other hand it is kind of nice not to have any readers so i don't have the guilt of having a lame blog that isn't very interesting to read...

today a new student joined sea's kindergarten class and i passed out my "mommy" card...afraid for a moment they would check out my blog but realizing i can be entirely self-absorbed and that is unlikely...off to post some photos to the kindergarten site and send out some room mom updates...

interview #1 with a 4-year-old (sea)

i hosted a gardening, cinco de mayo, early mother's day themed preschool at my house today...all but one of the members of the co-op attended (15) and then i invited non-member friends totaling almost the same...i'd say close to 30 people (most of them kids under 5) were running through my house for roughly 3 hours today...i'm too exhausted to upload the few photos i took or summarize so i thought i'd just list the questions and (sea's) answers from the interview i had moms complete (we switched kids figuring we would get different answers with a child other than our own):

what do you call your mommy? "mommy james" (story's middle names are manuel james?)
do you have any nicknames for her? danuse
what is your favorite thing about your mommy? having picnics at the park
what is your mommy's favorite thing to do? go and play with me and climb a tree and 100 more things
where is your mommy's favorite place to go? souplantation, muffay muffay
what do you wish your mommy would do differently? i wish she would let me eat meat
what is your mommy's favorite food? indian food
what do other people say about your mommy? how cute your mommy is!
what else can you tell me about your mommy? she likes going on lots of meetings
what is your favorite thing to do with your mommy? go and eat lots and lots of cupcakes off the floor

looking down, lists and "slippy soup"

i've had ongoing lists running through my mind...haven't had a chance to get them down anywhere where they will get done (and despite this challenge to myself, i can't bring myself to DO something first and then write it on a completed list)...so i remain a slave to lists and circular patterns that hinder productivity...one up side (back to the up theme of may at NABLOPOMO) is i like getting down on this blog all the random things we think about, do, hope to do but never do, minutia i'll likely forget but will be a window into our life at this point in time...

so what is "slippy soup" you may ask? or maybe you figured it out...that is what sea thinks we are saying when we serve her "split pea soup" so we go with it and ask her if she'd like slippy soup...this photo was taken at one of the museums in san francisco on the road trip with my mom in march that we never did get around to blogging about...

this is a totally unrelated idea but i've been free associating a lot in my head and want to get these things down so i can be productive (again, a losing battle cuz i can never get it all down and never have the time to be productive if i do get a lot down)...anyway, the idea that came into my head as i was vacuuming, head down, scanning the hardwood floors for dirt, food, rolly pollies (a lot make it through our open sliding door)...this is a run-on sentence if i've ever seen one! ha! anyway, back to the idea i still haven't relayed to you...the opposite of "looking up" or "looking down"...i do this often in my home in particular...obsessed with having a clean floor...it is a little easier with hardwood than carpet but still a pretty much all day long task...i am not usually all that clean or neat but i joke that my mom thought sweeping the kitchen floor was "spring cleaning" (not really, but it was a low priority to her growing up) and i distinctly remember visiting a neighbor with my mom when i was a little girl and my mom pulled me aside and was whispering in my ear in hushed tones something a long the lines of how neurotic or crazy said neighbor was as she hand washed her floors EVERY DAY and in that moment i determined that i wanted that for myself even if it meant i was crazy...so yeah, that is one of my obsessive cleaning things (i don't have many)...i think psychologically beyond my childhood issues with it i look at clean floors like the clean foundation of all else...like you can have clutter or other things to clean but if the you start with a clean ground you are on the right track...thanks for letting me share this free association on looking down...

now on to my lists...i thought to close this post i would just write out what i had hoped to do this week along with what i've actually done (or not done) so far, to give you an idea of life around here right now...

this past weekend i taught sabbath school and then we went to a birthday party (i hope to do a blog post with photos) for one of the 5-year-old co-op preschool members...sunday we spent ALL DAY at the beach which was lovely and relaxing...so much so that when we came home and got the children bathed and read them bedtime stories, well, we went to sleep with them! that meant sand, wet clothes, picnic baskets, etc. beach stuff needed to be cleaned up the next day...SO...my hopes of making it to a playgroup park day at the park literally down our street didn't happen...neither did my brisk walk...and then a girlfriend called to see if we wanted to meet her and her children (same age as ours) at people's, a health store where we shop and eat healthy vegetarian food together...i thought this would be the motivation i needed to be productive but i just felt overwhelmed, unmotivated and tired all morning...stalled and put off cleaning until it was almost time for story's nap when i was hoping to either sleep with him or have some down time and then i was frustrated the house was such a wreck...on the up side (there's that theme again) the kids played outside in our back yard a LONG time...without throwing rocks on the sidewalk, getting in to the pond, falling over the edge, digging up plants, getting everything but the plants wet...i have all these rules for being outside and i guess they wanted to be out there enough to avoid doing all these things...which was good for me...and them for that matter...i'll have to do a blog post about the mom's network class i attended on the value of the outdoors for children (and people for that matter) and how to get more of it into your life...so, i was happy about that...of course i did end up putting on a video for sea while i slept with story...manuel called in the middle of my nap and i couldn't fall back asleep so i must have done some tidying...

so here we are on tuesday...i had hoped to go to a storytime at a library in coronado that we regularly do on tuesdays...then follow it up with park playtime and a picnic lunch...but again, too much to do...and i really wanted to fit in a walk...so i made them a brief breakfast of bagels, almond butter and honey, bananas...apples...other snacks they could take in the stroller...bribed them with mango popsicles we could buy at the store and they could eat on the way back...manuel had a light morning and came home to be productive for an hour...we cleaned out the hall cupboards and gave away a lot of linens we never use...kids ate lunch and then went outside to play...sea discovered she could fill up a hole with water and slosh in the mud...up her to her chest sitting down...poured it down her hair and back...trouble rinsing off sufficiently made for much more cleaning inside...a bird flew in (twice!) and we moved slowly and directly to urge him/her to fly out the door...story has been napping really long now which means he'll be cranky when he does get up and then up late...but it has been worth it to get these rambling ideas out of my head...sea is drawing stories on typing paper (her favorite medium) with colored markers (her second favorite...she prefers "permanent ink" pens)...i had sea and story talk to their namenee (manuel's mom) on our walk and then auntie missy called awhile back and we caught up on the life of our cousin/niece baby meadow...i'm now stalling going through a lot of paperwork so i should give you a quick summary of the rest of the week and get on that in the moments i have before story wakes up...

the other thing i was going to do today that didn't happen is take the kids to the picture people...if you have one near you, get on their mailing list...you get a free sitting and one free 8 X 10 photo every month or so...we use them for our annual photo of the kids...we've used them since sea was 1...she wore the same pink dress and held the same monkey to compare her growth...i think she can squeeze into this dress this last year (it is a 3T size)...story wore jeans and a white shirt and held a stuffed bunny...if i can figure out how to use my scanner i'll get the age 1, 2 and 3 photos up for sea...

i did pay a couple bills and organize a meals on wheels delivery for a friend that just had a baby...meant to put some beans in a crock pot for cinco de mayo both for this friend's possible meal and co-op preschool. i'm hosting tomorrow and originally we were going to revisit a gardening theme but now i'm going to serve mexican food (and possibly a pitcher of margaritas...just a little for each mom since they have to drive home)...and have the children make mother's day cards. i thought i'd also take a photo of each mom and child to send them as my happy mother's day to them (probably via email since i don't even print out my own photos)...finally i'm going to have the moms switch kids and interview the 4 or 5-year-olds things about their mommy...i did this last year this time when sea was 3 and the answers are funny...maybe i'll do a post comparing 3 and 4...so that basically fills up my wednesday plans (except for running by the nursery for some gardening supplies...maybe little pots, soil and seeds to have the children grow a flower of some sort for mom? i was also going to have them make little 3 X 5 cards that say "sea's sunflower" and have them draw a picture of what is supposed to grow...but i know these won't make it onto popsicle sticks and/or get laminated...)

can you tell i'm back to drinking coffee? :)

we are going to a children's culinary class at a friend's house on thursday. last time we made pizzas and i can't remember what she is going to have them cook/create this week...

friday is typically my cleaning, car washing, laundry, groceries, etc. get ready for the weekend day and then we are leaving for ventura to spend mother's day with my in-laws and the little cousins...

i must make myself go now to be productive but thank you for allowing me this true "journaling" experience that someday hopefully will be interesting to myself or my children about our lives...

playgroup gardening

today christina, one of the awesome moms in the monday playgroup i belong to offered to host playgroup at her house (we usually rotate parks)...it was rainy and cold earlier this morning but san diego really does want to be sunny all the time so by the time we got there it was quite warm...enough so that the kids spent most of the time helping her garden...the moms got to enjoy her homemade, delicious and healthy ethiopian food that included a cold lentil salad, warm flavorful lentils, cooked collard greens and a potato, carrot tumeric hash of sorts...so good together with the spongy "bread"...there were a lot of fun potluck items like fresh mango, homemade guacamole, flax seed and vegetable chips...i missed out on some homemade hot tea which i really should have asked for (christina offered but was so busy...i arrived late and she had already cooked and served everyone and hadn't eaten herself so i let it go)...but i always feel badly for hosts on events like this...we come and trash their house with way too many toys and then food and dishes...of course i justified i needed to go get story down for a nap but really i should have started cleaning early enough to help...off to cook dinner but i'll leave you with some photos...



looking for rolly pollies....




feeding friends chocolate bunny crackers...



they put the rolly pollies they found in the wheel barrow...