i guess i'm just a few months older than sea is now in this photo (sea turns 5 in july)...i usually get quite self-absorbed, reflective, analytical...trying to make connections to the past and ideals for the future and sum up where my life is at NOW on each and every birthday...i had such a wonderfully lovely day with dear friends enjoying a potluck brunch with our children all scampering around and playing and then when they left our family all napping on our couch in a sunny window before heading outside to the 75+ degree san diego weather...hanging out in lawn chairs with other friends, more children playing tag in the grass...then they took us out to an italian dinner...pillow bumps with sea and story (they like to bump mommy and daddy over, too) a couple stories before bed and then down time reading e-mails and birthday wishes on facebook...
and then i read my dearest childhood friend's grandmother died today...rose...she used to bake the most amazing authentic italian eggplant parmesan and beam when i would eat helping after helping (on top of being delicious i had a very fast metabolism in those days)...and suddenly i stopped letting the world revolve around me and paused to think of my friend's loss and the loss to so many...the loss to me and losing a part of my history with her...i know there is a reason i am drawn to existentialism and the idea of focusing on life each and every moment because we all die someday but then when i am struck by loss this knowledge sinks in a little more...sits with me as something i can feel, experience...not just believe in...so go, squeeze those you love a little tighter, hold on to what you have, say the words you might not get to someday...i miss you rose...
This past birthday, I turned 40 and I expected that to be spent reflecting and renewing myself, but no... it passed with little fanfare and little pain. I wish your birthday had been as pain-free. Loss hurts. But it sounds like you're a very grounded person. Best wishes to you.
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