...random experiences, observations and thoughts of my daily life as mommy...past journeys and dreams of journeys yet to be taken creating my life story as i go...

Friday, November 25, 2011

Irritable and moping

I feel irritable and depressed. Lacking an internal drive and needing resolution but not enough energy to seek it or even think about it. Really I just want to go to sleep...now...before 8 and while my children play so gleefully with their cousins...oblivious, thankfully...yes, it is the day after thanksgiving and I'm moping around...self-absorbed as usual...feeling sorry for myself instead of grateful..."glad to be above ground" as one person put it. I miss my dad something awful and don't even feel I have anyone to express that to right now... I thought today went well overall...I put up with black Friday shopping I didn't want to do, let my children eat more junk than I wanted without comment, cleaned the kitchen thoroughly including putting food in containers, sweeping, dishes and counters...all done twice...taking the dog on two walks...giving moral support and playing the mediator on family drama that I didn't need to be a part of...then my husband misunderstood something and instead of explaining it better I took it personally and shut down so now that my son is ready for bed I'm going to bed with him... One more "poor me" rant...I somehow was rationalizing all this work and time I put in should buy me a solid half hour typing a meaningful post tonight...but instead we can't get the wireless Internet to work so I'm pecking on my phone with no motive to write anything anyway... I've been noticing all these cute things my children say and do that of course at the end of the day I can't remember...they were just drinking "egg milk with cimmomon (misspelled to get their pronunciation)" and were doing "meanie meanie miney mo" and saying if the tiger "runnels" instead of hollars... More relatives showed up so I'm emerging from the room hoping to perk up and stop moping...truly hope for a meaningful and grateful post soon!

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