in between but hanging on

yes my title is supposed to be both literal and figurative...this is really a "non-post" filler to keep up with my commitment to post daily in the month of november for nablopomo. i don't have much to say. i feel like i'm in between ideas. or have too many ideas i've left behind and not sure where to head next...i don't want to leave halloween behind but don't even know where to start to catch up with those photos...i also assisted teaching art in sea's class (art corps) and have lots of photos of the kindergarteners making monsters...

and then there was my summary of memories of my third grade year...definitely the first of many difficult school age years for me (i was pretty care free and naively happy before then)...but just writing that i feel like that was over THIRTY years ago and i'm so past that and holding on to the pain and what that meant and how that shaped me...so many more positive things have happened since then and that is really where i want to put my focus. so maybe part of the difficulty with that post was that i didn't want to go back there because i feel like i'm past there in a good way? of maybe because i go back and forth being depressed and self-absorbed in the present and am uncomfortable with that part of myself so i'd rather focus on the positives...but wasn't that the very complaint i had with my parents? that they didn't model for me how to "be" sad or angry or frustrated? and i want my daughter to feel comfortable feeling a full range of emotions and have a good model of how to deal with the sad and upsetting parts of her life...oh where to go...it feels ok to be confused and unsettled and even have a lack of balance and perspective. that's life, right? a journey...part of the reason i chose "mommy's journey" as the title of this blog was that it is specifically my journey and i'll always be moving and changing and growing and experiencing until i die but without the apostrophe it could also ready "mommies journey"...like many, many moms before me have been and will continue to be on their own journeys and we are in this together...we can learn from our moms and previous generations and learn from our own mistakes...

i feel so blessed that i was given the opportunity to be a mom to sea and story. i have a lifetime to experience so much more with them and know we will hang in there together...