...random experiences, observations and thoughts of my daily life as mommy...past journeys and dreams of journeys yet to be taken creating my life story as i go...

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

free association on recording my childhood

i have taken on the ambitious endeavor of recording my childhood through mommyspiggytales.com...check out this link if you want to join in the next 24 hours or so! my leader is gretchen who has gone through this process before. here is a post about recording her mom's childhood this time around (her mom died suddenly last year). my dad died 4 years ago and it still seems so new...unfathomable...i would totally love to do the same thing for him next year.

this first photo is taken with my mom in our neighbor's pool when i was just a toddler (she can't swim and hates the water so it is really quite surprising)...i'll be relying on her for my first post in the series; (TOMORROW!) my birth story...i'm sure we'll both have a lot to learn about each other through this process...i'm going to check with gretchen on how to go about weaving a theme through my posts...i think there are definitely many i could brainstorm about...but first, as we blast to the past together (look behind) i thought a photo of me from behind would be appropriate...
the ideas i've been tossing around in my head that all are sort of inter-connected are:
--searching for me
--feeling misunderstood
--explaining myself
--finding me and moving my focus to others (my family)
--being a child again through remembering
--allowing myself to play and be a child with my own children in the present
--mindful parenting/unconditional parenting...resolving this lack in my childhood and repairing it with my own children

before children i spent 7 years working on my master's thesis...the main themes i was exploring was the importance of integrity in self-concept, meaning in life and happiness...so i think if i was to summarize my goal for this recording of my childhood it would be something like:
"the quest for me: finding the balance between who i am, happiness, meaning and living outside of myself" although just reading that i am confused and i'm supposed to be the one presenting these ideas...that is why this is my brainstorm post, right?

did i mention that i always wanted to be a writer as a child/teen/adult but never felt i could be because i got too depressed or self-absorbed or sabotaged my efforts...too caught up in deadlines and lack of motivation and having too much to say and not wanting to cut anything out and rambling and believing my perspective was more important than the story i was telling?...i still have a lot of these same issues but i'm hoping to move outside of myself, look at this through my daughter and son's eyes as they hope to learn about their mommy...so i have a lot more to say...a lot more disclaimers and "forgive me for ___" which i then do anyway...i'm still self-absorbed but look forward to reading everyone else's stories and presenting my own with the emphasis on my children...here i am about to go off the high dive into the DEEP end...metaphorically speaking i'm ready for the plunge...thanks for joining me!


  1. oooh! I am so happy you are doing this! Gretchen was in my group last time! She is super fun to read! You are going to do marvelous whether you have a theme or not!

  2. yes, isn't self-exploration fun!? sometimes it's the most difficult and painful, but also most cathartic experience one can have!! I'm considering it, too.

  3. I love this idea! I feel like I spend so much of my own time reminiscing about my childhood and trying to figure out what made me who I am. I look forward to reading it :)

  4. Love how the pictures reflect what you are saying. :) Ahh, those pictures just speak volumes, don't they!

  5. Yes, those pictures do speak volumes. I too, look forward to following your posts.


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