sea is 3 years old and 1 week...and i'm just now getting something down in this blog about her birthday bash at la jolla shores last weekend. i've been stewing over what to write, what to include, what photos are most representative of the day, who to include, what not to say...
on that topic, i had a mini emotional meltdown over how few photos i had of myself with sea but then i realized i was mostly to blame since i was so worried about capturing the day in photos and videos and making sure everyone was having a good time that i didn't allow myself to relax and just be and soak in my daughter and her special moments and just be with her. so on my to do list for next year is once the planning and preparation is over, i have to experience whatever is without trying to control it or make it better in the moment....someone else can run to the car to get matches to light the birthday candle, someone else can take photos, but only i can hold my daughter and soak in the sparkles in her eyes and beaming smile on her face as she is surrounded by so many who love her...
we asked her the day before her party if she would rather have cupcakes (which she is always requesting) or a birthday cake like we had at her friend leo's house and she said "a cupcake on top of a cake" which seems pretty fitting for her personality...always more, bigger, better...
so we went with a tres leches cake that was really good and then a friend made vegan cupcakes (one is pictured on top of this cake) for several vegan friends. overall everyone was very eager to help and even reminding me to just enjoy the day...it was nice to feel a part of a bigger community who cares about us and about sea...
the list maker in me wants to record all the preparations that went in to this day...what didn't make the cut, what we did do, the food, balloons we passed out to visually include all the friends spread out across the lawn and sand, sand pail favors for the kids, beach balls, bubbles...i'm getting anxiety just trying to "capture" the day for the reader let alone for myself. i really need to resolve this conundrum by living more instead of thinking about living...or analyzing how to better live...thanks for helping me be in the moment.
i do have a lot of great photos of many of you readers...e-mail or comment and i'll send them to you since they didn't make it to this blog...next year i'll be sure to get some photos of myself with sea since i'll be spending more time just "being" with her...
of course even though i believe that less is more and want one representative photo of this day, i feel badly you can't see sea's blueberry eyes and bright smile in this first photo...so here are a few more...
hanging out in a cool pink tent with friends...
hugging my friend leo (he has the same birthday as me)
gathered with friends around the cake
anticipation of the cake
after singing happy birthday
finding a match to sing happy birthday again...
ready to blow out my candle
making a wish...maybe my mommy will be more of my special day next year just by being less...
Don't beat yourself up about not being more present at the party. It's easy to get busy at the b-day party. Those things can get pretty chaotic with this group. I know what you mean about missing things. You can only see so much behind a camera lens. Sea knows you were there! It was a great party, we had so much fun! As moms think we have to do so much! it's the little things that count to the kids. One day she may not even remember this fabulous party, but she'll remember something special that the two of you did together.
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