on our road trip in portland

this photo of sea and story's joyful play together was taken about a year ago...but i haven't uploaded current photos on my husband's laptop and just wanted to jot a quick note while on our road trip...we are in a residence inn just outside of portland (lake oswego)...s and s are happily watching clifford the big red dog...i think he has taken the forefront as their favorite over "monkey george"...

normally i would be concerned that we started this vacation over a week ago and i haven't written anything down...but for now at least i'm ok being in the moment, reflecting back, looking forward to the last 5 days of our trip...s and s are giggling in front of me and i want to grab my phone to get a quick video but i'll soak it in and stay in the bed typing...

just got out of a hot bath, had an early breakfast with just "mommy and sea time" while m and story slept (scrambled eggs with olives, green onions, salsa...oatmeal with cinnamon, walnuts, blueberries...yogurt...melon...coffee)...feeling at peace with how little i need to do and options if i want to...perhaps hanging out with ana at some point today...dinner with wendy and her family...

i usually like to get an overview of a town...go to a couple key spots, see downtown, etc. but we have done those things before and so we've been enjoying the hotel pool each day, seeing friends...

i couldn't take the out of control giggling anymore without videotaping it...of course now that i have the phone poised and ready the funny part of the cartoon is over...

it is almost 11 and all of a sudden i just want to sleep...

sea is looking forward to watching "the dog ruhi likes"...i'm annoyed with clifford right now...some little dog named cleo is talking about how she is afraid no one will like her dancing...children don't need any help with role modeling insecurities...

alright, just wanted to check in...off for a little mid-morning nap!

sea's kindergarten promotion

if i don't make myself write SOMETHING here it will never happen...i procrastinate and put off things that are important...blame running out of time on poor performance or not doing it at all...this is a defense mechanism i've indulged myself with too long...of course we are walking out the door in 15 minutes...farewell to kindergarten pool party plans today...but i had to at least get some photos up from my little baby sea completing kindergarten ceremony...

san diego rock and roll 1/2 marathon

yesterday manuel and i ran (ok, he ran, i mostly fast walked/slow jogged) in the san diego half marathon. it was our second marathon. the first was this past february (surf city in huntington beach) in memory of my friend maggie's sisters and their families who died in a plane crash and used to run this marathon with her. i'm wearing my "team JP" t-shirt here...maggie's sister's married names were jacobson and pullen and the families and children's names are listed on the front. they have a "where in the world is team jp?" page on fb and i got choked up thinking about running in their memory...running for my dad (there was a girl who wrote "4 U dad" on her legs)...i always enjoyed taking evening walks with my dad as a little girl growing up...i know my children have a lot of memorable routines in their lives but i'd like to include that one...
i like this photo of me and manuel together...we both look happy...then our bibs...mine says "s and s mommy"...
right before we began...
about to head down 6th avenue in hillcrest by balboa park...
my favorite shot right before we went under the starting line (i took it)...
one of the mile markers..running down park avenue near the zoo...
about to get on highway 163...downtown in the background...
running down highway 163...
"scenic" route still on 163 about to go under the laurel street bridge near our old home in banker's hill...
same bridge closer up with signs about the zoo...
almost halfway...near highway 8 we would take to our house...
there's our exit...
self-portrait running...
finish line!
riding back on the shuttle with our medals...
post-marathon nap at the pool...

dear blog, i miss you...

wow, i really am pushing nearly 2 weeks between posts...so busy, distracted, disconnected from you that i haven't even been keeping a running tally of what i'd like to post about or even photos i want to use...i didn't even search for the "best" ones for this post...just grabbed two i liked of our recent historical trolley ride around san diego.

this past weekend was the 5 year anniversary of losing my dad. a chapel was dedicated to him in the new social work department. with any extra energy, i'll post photos of the river of life stained glass windows with him walking with God in heaven...very remote concepts i'd love to feel on a more personal level. i was just thinking about my relationship with God last night as i was saying prayers before bed. how i'd like to allot more time to getting to know him and sharing more of myself with him. how i have so much to learn from my daughter in that area and how we could do this together.

i miss my dad now to a level i can't even write about. it is a deep, deep feeling in my soul i can't even reach. i feel like i need therapy for many things but this would definitely be one of them. i have a lot of guilt, shame, anxiety over not necessarily not being good enough (though this was a childhood theme) but of not feeling understood by my dad. like i always worked so hard to be who i thought he wanted me to be (and got pretty good at that) that i never fully shared with him who i was. i suppose one of the most important things for me is that integrity, to be who i am even if others are not ok with it. my dad was so important to me throughout my life that i felt i needed him more than i needed to be me. and now that he is gone i'm left with me and the realization he never fully got to know who that was. i believe he would have liked the real me, too, if he hadn't been so afraid. i'm afraid of living my life out of fear. how's that for a little irony! so i need to plunge in as if this is my only life. my only opportunity to be me and live each day to it's fullest.

instead of spending hours reflecting on meaningful things and idealizing what i want for my future or even reveling in the minutia of the moments i've been trying to be more productive with the day-t0-day tasks of life that get put to the back. never get done. right now i feel alright posting because the house is relatively clean and i'm not doing this at the expense of what needs to be done.

i'm getting ready to go lead sabbath school in tiny tots. a forest theme...my children will feed squirrels nuts, hop like bunnies, open turtle eggs...i want to spend a lot of time in nature this summer...looking forward to camping...

off topic again...so many related topics and so many unrelated. i'm not even untangling the two right now...just enjoying the journey of life. tomorrow i'm running in my second half marathon. the rock and roll marathon here in san diego. i have not trained. have a lot of sore muscles, joint pain, inflammation...excuses to not do well...so instead i'm going to eat well, get a good night's sleep, stretch well and do my best. that will be good enough and most importantly enjoy the ride...