somewhere over the rainbow sharing popsicles

today sea and story were sharing popsicles waiting for my mom in the hospital (hayno loved sharing popsicles with the children). hayno is almost gone. she is unresponsive and "sleeping" as her body shuts down. yesterday morning i got there early...before anyone else...she was wide awake like i haven't seen her since she got sick. she was sitting upright and elegant, looking around, waiting...i was glad i could "arrive" though we both quickly got awkward not sure what to say beyond "good morning hazelle, how are you feeling?" i forgot the gardenia i picked...i showed her a drawing sea made for her and she commented how talented she was but that i should probably take it home...i wanted to leave her with something uplifting yet simple so i flipped through my phone to find an old recording (sea was just over 3-years-old) of sea singing "somewhere over the rainbow"...

"Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?"

of course sea didn't know all these words and she mostly just sang the first few lines...but i'm hoping the sentiments were there for hayno...she was ready for me to go though i wanted to get in one more word, one more story, share one more video or have sea draw one more thing...that is how life is...there is always more...but when you are 90 and feel you've lived a full life i knew i owed it to her to leave...for her...the rest of the day she was in and out of consciousness and today seems completely unaware anyone is even there so really i was the last one to have "her" and allow her to just be...i think i squeezed her hand and said "i love you hayno" and gave her a kiss on her cheek and she said "thank you" and i said, "no, thank YOU" and that was about it but really i believe she knew she was loved and that i was there for her as much as i could be.

i look forward to sharing popsicles with her and the children in heaven...somewhere over the rainbow...