...random experiences, observations and thoughts of my daily life as mommy...past journeys and dreams of journeys yet to be taken creating my life story as i go...

Thursday, September 4, 2008

blogging friends and inspirations

ok so i love writing and i love photos and i can never decide which i love more. so i try to combine them on this blog...and end up obsessing over capturing the perfect photo to depict some concept i can't quite write about as well as i'd like...today i was flittering (did i just make up that word?) around different blog sites of friends and friends of friends and found that my blog was listed on several people's sites and then i felt guilty i haven't made it a priority to check out their sites more often and really what struck me the most was that some of my favorite posts didn't have photos at all! granted these people are better writers...more clever, more succinct in relaying ideas, better at choosing representative details, better at helping the reader visual the concept, etc. etc. things i obsess about that prevent me from blogging but i was really quite excited that the words themselves could pull me in, help me relate, want me to learn more about them or share more about myself. so i'm back. not worried about what photo will best depict this idea and not worried what idea i'm trying to get down. just treating this like the free association online journal i had intended it to be back in the day when i was going to be more dilligent about posting...hey i can't even find spell check but i'm letting the grammar go along with the run on sentences for the sake of principle and of letting go and just writing freely...it feels great! better than your experience of reading it i'm sure...but sometimes in doing something for yourself it helps others indirectly...thank you friends and friends of friends for helping me as i read through your blogs tonight! someday i'll have courage enough to have links to all these blogs without fearing i'm leaving someone out...i really obsess about way too many things...is that one of my labels? now i'm concerned it certainly should be...but there is a fine line between having representative labels to link ideas and having way too many labels so there aren't enough connections or every post could have all the same labels...like i think "living" was one i used a lot for awhile...i'm feeling like i shouldn't publish this post now since i could have stopped about halfway into these ideas and had a much more powerful concept to share...i'm getting too indulgent at the reader's expense but i can't stop now and am too narcissistic to go back and edit anything out...i think i better not re-read this for sure but now i've lost my train of thought (if i had one) and i don't know how to pull any of it back around or together or get to any point i had hoped to make...so re-read i will do and i will cringe as i go but at least appreciate my vulnerability and that i'm willing to look stupid for the sake of rawness and realness and being in the moment...there are loftier goals i could spend these late night hours accomplishing...i do feel better, though...perhaps for now that is enough.

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