halloween

trying to make a mermaid costume...

fall festival

sea lost her fourth tooth (her 1st top tooth) on friday...meadow's 2nd birthday...she is about to lose her 2nd top tooth, too...on saturday i set up/ran/broke down the ---1st cafe at sea's fall festival...took lots of photos...too exhausted to write more than "f" that night...today we are selling the remainder of the coffee, cocoa, baked goods...i'm off to take over supplies and have sea's mermaid costume ready to fit on her...

1st cafe

i thought i uploaded photos last night...can't remember what they were and don't remember hitting publish...don't remember much else but all the planning going into the little 1st grade cafe we are planning as a booth at sea's fall festival tomorrow...i have so much on my plate right now i really must be procrastinating to even write this...excited!

sea's birthday card for meadow's 2nd birthday

 "i love meadow especially when it's her birthday. i like her brown hair that's combed every day. i like her blue eyes mixed with green. i like her father and mother her cousins and friend and her neighbors of course her town her state the same one as ours. you're my second best friend you have in the world i don't have any more"

chaotic halloween playdate part 2

i'll have to fill in the details in the morning...off to bed...

the sound of silence...

this was my favorite song at the paul simon concert the other night...i've always loved this song and had high expectations and he still moved me to tears...such a captivating melody and haunting harmony...i hear them both simultaneously and hear the sadness and remember sadder times in my life...grateful i'm not there now but still remembering...we should have taken our children to this concert...there were several children there but more importantly our children would have loved the show and know many of the songs...my daughter is busy attaching multi-colored feathers (scales) to her mermaid costume behind me as i type...off to try and pull this costume together before our halloween playdate party at my house tomorrow...

i love ms. fernandez

sea is cutting out hearts and wrapping up plums for gifts for her teacher...she said she is love with her teacher and her teacher is going to fall in love with her...i may have photos for these creations later but for now we are off to bed...

family days and paul simon concert

 i love this adoring photo of sea and her daddy...surrounded by her favorite color orange and brightly colored flowers...she brings so much joy to our lives...manuel has been sick for a couple of weeks...today i lead sabbath school and took the children to church while he got some much needed rest. normally we would pack up a picnic of some sort (something easy like homemade bean and cheese burritos) and head to our community pool or if we had enough energy, the beach. the weather was borderline...about 70 and a little cloudy...but we would have done it but for his low energy and illness. so we had a relaxing family day in...i had hoped to make it to a friend's baby shower but knew this would be pushing it for manuel so instead we ate slowly...enjoyed one another's company...spent time in our yard...it is still quite sunny out (the kids are pretending they are at the beach complete with a blanket, beach umbrella, pails, etc. in the backyard) and dog is chasing them in and out...the lighting in this next photo reminds me of my dad because he died close to sunset but more importantly because we often took walks together, just the two of us, when the light was really golden like this...so i'm including this photo because it is taken in our yard, peaceful and the lighting reminds me of family and memories i have and memories i'm making...

 we all love paul simon...he reminds me of early dating days with manuel but the kids also love singing his songs on the way to the beach...it will be great to see the show tonight...finally, i love the sparkle in sea's eyes and her freckles and smile and that is about all i have time to post about :)

creating with sea at family art night

 the past two nights i've attended family art night with sea and story at her elementary school. i love creating with them both and it is so rare to have a photo of myself with sea doing something we love (mostly my own fault for insisting on being BEHIND the camera and capturing it all myself)...

 last night i made the mistake of allowing her to wear one of our favorite little mexican dresses...hopefully all those colorful flowers will hide the permanent paint spots (or be a permanent reminder of our lovely evening together)...

 this is the painting i made...i was trying to create sea flying...she would LOVE to fly, be a fairy and orange is her favorite color...i was going to make the bridge more like the coronado bridge so this could be a san diego scene but couldn't work it out with the flying...story helped me create buildings on the left...he is missing from these photos because he was ALL OVER THE PLACE and it was a stressful but fun evening...

i almost forgot...

...to post tonight...which is probably fine since i inadvertently skipped a day in october anyway...:(

i think i do much better when i don't force myself to write every day...just got back from our second family art night...have more concrete plans for the cafe booth we are doing at our school's fall festival...as always, more later...

 the first graders drew themselves with their halloween costumes...sea said "i want be a princess fairy mermaid. I will have a tail and a crown and wings"

loose tooth out...loose ends still loose...

hmm...i wrote a post on here and then my husband signed out of our account before i saved it...basically it was the idea of little things and sea losing her tooth...me with loose ends...it is late and i can't reconstruct the details...maybe in the morning...

life beginning and life ending

my cousin dave, who i grew up with...all major holidays together (thanksgiving, xmas, 4th of july, etc) just had a baby on the 14th. three days later his mom died. she was a very strong (physically and emotionally) woman who i thought would live until she was 100 so this came as a shock to us both i believe.  dave sent me this e-mail:

"I wanted to let you know my Mom passed away in her sleep last night in Fl.   She was not sick and went joyfully to her Lord with no surffering

You only have one Mom......"

i think that last part is directed at me (i've gotten frustrated with my mom recently)

anyway, no photos for this idea but it has gotten me thinking about life and how i live it and how life comes and goes...also missing my dad...looking forward to reuniting in heaven...

going out

we've been to three shows in six days...that is a lot of babysitters and going out for us! last weekend we saw the album leaf one night and OMD the next and then this weekend we saw cut copy and then went to two parties the next day...one 40th at a cool downtown urban pizza place and then that night a fellow mom's birthday party at the sound wave in mission beach...this is definitely new for me but i'm enjoying the ride!

coming together

this was my vantage point from the kitchen a few days back...sea and story were pretending they were little birdies in a nest and pablo was hanging out...yesterday i taught the first art corps of the year in sea's class...i didn't get a great photo of her line drawing of a turtle because she didn't put much effort into it and didn't hold it still enough...then after school she had an art class...today i met to discuss our --1st cafe plans, mostly cleaned the house, picked up m from the airport...getting ready to go to a sold out cut copy show downtown without tickets but m has good luck/karma on these things so i'm hopeful...i've been stressed and had many things over my head half done and much of that is still true yet somehow in this moment i feel like much of it is coming together...

still catching up from halloween playdate

halloween playdate chaos, restless lack of sleep, etc.

if i could post the photos from any given day's post the next day i think i'd be able to blog daily...i usually have at least a little i have time to write about...but to upload the photos and then go through them to pick some for the post...not so much...today i hosted a halloween playdate at my house. it was for the younger siblings or story-aged children...fabric ghosts, foam pumpkin stickers, pipe cleaner and pom pom spiders...i'm not even sure i took a photo of these crafts...my vision was to put them on a garland in the front window...so tomorrow i'll hope to finish my vision, photograph it and get a photo up...tonight i could NOT get sea to fall asleep...it is 10:30 and she just went to sleep...story started coughing and rolling around like he was going to wake up just as she went to sleep and then kyra chimed in with some barking (frustrated she didn't get to play much today since i left her outside during the playdate)...the playdate was fun...sweet sparkling champagne, coffee, juice, i made gluten-free banana pumpkin chocolate chip muffins, scrambled eggs with pureed spinach and mozzarella cheese that looked like spider webs...everyone brought yummy food for the potluck and it was nice time with kids and moms and chaos...i still have a LOT to clean up...i meant to not let the children play in sea or story's rooms...only bring out a few toys or have them make forts out of blankets or something low maintenance but of course story was excited to show kids toys, zoom around on cars/bikes so i let it go...right now i'm supposed to be getting out an update to sea's class as room mom...so back to what i should be doing with hopes of more of what i'd like to do sometime tomorrow...oh, and i teach art corps for the first time this year in sea's class tomorrow afternoon...

loose tooth

it's coming...it's been coming for some time now...sea's loose tooth is loose enough to come out any day...i'm not ready...symbolically or even visually with the gap...but it is coming whether i'm ready or not...

history of modern

lazy sunday eating playing sleeping...OMD

sea and story were playing that they got married last week sometime (and then i asked what they were going to do next and sea said "have a baby!" and promptly pulled these two out of the top of her dress)...this photo is more for the idea of them playing nicely together...role playing, eating "samples" like at costco...serving one another small drinks out of the lids of the juice...now they are following one another around on their bikes down the halls of the house...manuel is watching the broncos play in the other room...i'm about to make a middle of the afternoon meal of beans, rice, veggies of some sort...pablo is curled up asleep on top of the printer...it is a really warm fall day...high 70's...perfect day to have done our usual and gone to dog beach but manuel and i were out until 2 a.m. last night at the album leaf show (i'm going to upload a video later) and now we are getting read to leave to see OMD in about four hours...i really like their new album but of course "if you leave" was the predictable last song at every class night end-of-year party in high school and there were many other classics i'm looking forward to going back 20+ years in memories to hear...i took a lovely nap with manuel earlier...story even fell asleep (mostly nursed) with us...sea busied herself drawing the entire time...was even whispering when i woke up, trying to be quiet so we could sleep...

the kids are getting kyra all riled up and her barking is distracting me...off to be in the moment and appreciate these lazy sundays with little we need to do but spend time together as a family...

australian friends and the album leaf

"wanna make a memory?"

we have our australian friends in town this weekend...we met them in the cook islands 7 years ago on our honeymoon..."wanna make a memory" is a reference to a bon jovi song manuel and i like...remembering long ago tonight and ready to make more memories...

worm, mosquito fish, winter tomatoes, art class

Goodnight Steve jobs

Juggling priorities and missing lorie

i had so much to write about today and now it all seems gone...i lost my friend lorie 3 years ago yesterday...sent out an e-mail to our mutual friends saying:

"it is just after midnight...now the 4th...and i'm missing lorie and missing the date and missing you all to boot...i've been singing "bye, bye miss american pie..." all weekend and probably on and off since the day i first met lorie...her music plays on in so many ways, in so many lives. i want to stay better connected to you all and share our lorie memories and love for her through times spent together. i know loriepalooza has probably become more of a n. cal phenomenon, but i'd make the trip up some year, or love to celebrate her life through times spent with you all together more often anytime for that matter...it was lovely to see arlene and kenny and karri and marc this summer...you all should please come and visit us and we'll do the same when we are your way. let's keep connected the way lorie always connected so many. i'd love to hear how you celebrated lorie this year. nancy, i think of you often, and would like to keep better in touch. i'm going to dig up some old photos most of you have seen before and forward them to "see" that music that makes me smile...bye bye miss american pie..."

this was in reference to last year's e-mail chain and the connection to the song...here is what i wrote a year ago for more context and what i wrote originally about her for the booklet we made for her memorial.

i've been thinking about her all weekend...even when i didn't know i was thinking about her. i know this because i've been distracted and not in the place i'd like to be either appreciating my family and spending time together or being effective in my stay-at-home mom duties or as room mom...i was supposed to get out a weekly summary to the class on friday and put it off all weekend...here we are almost wednesday of the next week and i can't focus and pull it together to make it happen. this feels like college days when i would procrastinate beyond a motivating and acceptably late level and self-sabotage...i definitely do NOT want to sabotage my role as room parent or anything that has to do with my daughter. so i will wake up early in the morning and make it happen.

on a lighter note...today sea and story were playing so well together...after their usual bowl of alphabet soup (see yesterday's post) they decided to get married...sea put on her cream colored silky flower girl dress from ally's wedding and story went and chose his own outfit..."broncos broncos" and they went down an aisle with sea ringing a bell and holding a felt flower...i asked what they were going to do next and sea said "have a baby" and she promptly pulled out a boy and a girl baby doll from inside of the top of her dress...i did take lots of photos of this but have not uploaded them, nor do i have the energy to do so right now...

i'm rambling to avoid thinking. or laying awake trying not to think. or feeling depressed. i wrote lorie's mom an email from the heart about my experience with grief with losing my dad and i haven't heard back from her. i hope i wasn't taking away from the loss of lorie...i definitely am experiencing an ongoing ache for both of them it's just that grief has a compounding effect...i need someone to relate with, tell me we will get through it...focus on heaven...get outside of myself...focus on my children...i'm not sure what to do but i'm in a funk.

if it were daytime i'd make myself a fancy coffee drink with coconut creamer and whip cream and cinnamon and focus on all the flavors and the buzz of the caffeine and then eat lots of dark chocolate and before my crash i would try to experience something altered from the exhaustion i feel...but it is nighttime and i should let actual sleep solve these problems. so i'll go try...pablo, my kitten is now meowing for attention...letting me know he plans on staying up, scampering around...see, i'm stalling, too...no resolution in sight and no energy to write something snazzy to sum it all up or move on...

here's to a better day tomorrow...and hopefully some restful sleep tonight...

"story, i'm going to give you the last can of alphabet soup"

 

sea and story love "martha speaks"...last week when we went to the library we cleared them out of all five martha speaks books...she and her brother love to pretend like they are both doggies...specifically sea makes "alphabet soup" for story to lap up out of a bowl (usually milk poured just to the edge where it can spill while he drinks it)...today she even found magnetic alphabet letters from the fridge and spelled out story's name in a bowl but the messy milk is more their speed they like to role play together...they are awfully quiet right now so i'm off to see where their imagination has taken them now...

between in-laws, football, pablo, enchiladas

my in-laws came down this weekend...in the middle of cleaning up enchiladas...trying not to let pablo escape again...yesterday was filled with lazy sleeping in, hanging out at home, shopping at the "ramate" swap meet, watching football, cooking/eating lots of food...enchiladas...beans, homemade rice, mashed potatoes, lettuce, tomatoes, avocados...this morning poppy came with us to take sea to school...he got to attend her monday morning assembly...she has a marigold flower in her right hand for her teacher...

between

last night i decided to commit to posting every day in the month of october on nablopomo. i figure this will be good practice for november, the official national blog posting month and also get me to post something more often. the theme for october is "between"...i knew i wanted a photo of myself between my children and came across this one scrolling rapidly through my 101,655 on my hard drive...story is trying to get me to read him a "martha speaks" book from the library while he sits on my lap so more later...