independence vs dependence

i almost wrote my masters thesis on this topic so i could write an entire article on my analysis, observations, experience, etc...so be forewarned there will be a lot of free association with this topic...

i chose this topic this morning because sea was up at 5 hungry...asking for all sorts of different foods and finally after nursing was not enough for her to go back to sleep i gave in and made her some food...usually (based on my experience with this hunger/growth spurt in the middle of the night) she will go back to sleep after she has eaten but today she was "up" and ready to play...so i told manuel once he got up we were going to trade off and i was going back to bed...anyway, i wasn't sure what to do with myself so early in the morning since i am NOT a morning person and very foggy...as i type this i realize i want some tea...something hot when it is cold out and a little caffeine to perk me up...i'm going to try my new chocolate yerba matte (green tea yerba matte lattes are my all time favorite hot drink)...so i'll be right back...

the water is boiling...anyway, so once i was trying to figure out what to do with myself, i noticed that sea had already taken matters in to her own hands and was busy stacking blocks, having her farm animals gather around the hay and then go into their stalls, then reading a book (opening and closing a pop up door) and pulling more blocks around on a little car...all this creativity and exploration in just a couple of minutes and without prompting or caring if i was involved or not...i felt so happy that she could be so content by herself...independent...and thought back to how i struggled when she was so dependent and needed me to play with her...at the same moment i was contrasting these two, i realized a third idea which is that i have always been so independent and worried about people depending on me or not allowing myself to depend on others and really i don't want that to be an issue for sea either...i'd like her to feel comfortable with both and especially with a new baby coming any day i would also love to embrace the dependence...appreciate that i am needed...realize there are many of older years ahead when both children will not "need" me or want me involved and i will miss the chances of dependence...

well sea is now using her exploration skills to find herself a snack in a cupboard i thought i had secured from her...i guess this growth spurt is reaching new heights when she is ready for her second meal by 7 something...

i have a lot more to share on the topic of independence vs dependence so check back...(this may be MUCH later...no promises...)