book club, the glass castle and blank pages

i believe my very first post on here was title "blank pages" or something like that...the idea being that although i have kept a journal since i was 8, i have ALWAYS left a lot of blank space...like i can never fill the pages with enough of my life, or need to go back and supplement or other things are more important that aren't being said...i think i would have been a writer for a career if i didn't still have this problem...i'm better at the stuff that isn't said than what i actually commit to getting down...or i'm better at editing other people's stuff (can find typos, spelling, grammar issues in others' work i miss in my own free association writing because i'm so self-absorbed i think every word i write is important somehow or at least a part of me...and having identity issues most of my life i keep writing hoping to figure them out...) oh no, i think i'm going to use every label i've ever used in this post...and it is supposed to be commentary on the first book i have read for a book club i joined last year! ha! yes, i'm behind on life...but making myself blog on this because:
1) i LOVE reading
2) i love analyzing what i read even if no one wants to know what i think
3) i am excited about this book club and want to be involved at some point so this is my indirect way of being involved in the meantime
4) i have wonderful memories of a very active book club i belonged to that met once a month in the bay area...i would drive there from sacramento and had memorable discussions, yummy homemade food, lots of drinks and fond single social encounters meeting like-minded women

so off to the book itself before my children wake up...oh, one more disclaimer...i am writing this review mainly to get discussions going and not because i think i'm a better writer or have any professional level critiquing ability...i always read books through the eyes of "what did i like, what didn't i like, what would i do the same, what would i do differently" so i'll try to throw that in somewhere...

the book is the glass castle by jeannette walls...one more disclaimer...it is important to me to have as few biases as possible before writing a critique so i have not read these discussion questions listed here with the link...or any reviews of the book for that matter...so i will get to them after i write my review...

i guess i'll begin by saying i liked the book...i kept reading to find out more, see what happened, etc...although i had many questions that were never answered. it could be argued that is a sign of a good writer that she kept me thinking/asking/wondering so now i can discuss this with others...but on some level i felt like i was missing HER...like she was a good story teller and i got a lot of details of her life in this memoir (oh yeah, i failed to mention this is a memoir...my favorite type of book to read and what i hope to write some day if i determine my life is interesting enough or at least my telling of my uninteresting life can be interesting enough to someone) but i wanted more of her...how she felt...how her life affected her...my psychology background kicked in to analyze that her detached stance was probably a coping mechanism so she didn't have to feel how painful many of these memories were for her...my writing side said perhaps she wrote in a neutral way so readers could project their own feelings/experiences onto her writing...but either way it didn't completely work for me...i came out feeling like overall i couldn't relate (if i get to the subject matter most of you would agree i probably shouldn't be able to relate but my point is that i think a good writer helps readers relate with SOMETHING even if it is just an idea and not their life)...

my son just woke up and said "mung-gey" and pointed...so i'm taking a break to see what that means...more to follow...he is now down for a nap...

i haven't even re-read what i wrote but i know it started out negative, and that was not my intent...so let me begin again by saying the author came from unfathomable circumstances...poverty, alcoholism, homelessness...i must commend her for not taking a "poor me" stance but instead just providing the details for the reader to interpret. in many ways i found myself appreciating that about her writing style even though i wanted more of her in there...how did she feel? how did her past affect her future or her present for that matter? i did like a few tie-ins like how her dad gave her a star for xmas as a kid (she chose venus) and then at the end of the book she refers back to "city lights obscured the stars...but i could see venus on the horizon"...in many ways i felt her story was one of hope; that despite many horrible circumstances, she was able to see the silver lining, still have faith in her father and in life and her potential...

actually, i said how i couldn't relate with much of the book but when she was defending her parents' homelessness and lifestyle (if even to herself) i could relate with trying to defend my differences...i've often felt misunderstood and i liked that she had at least come to terms with herself and was able to integrate any dysfunction in to who she is today instead of rejecting her past.

also, i found myself relating with her mom more than i wanted to...she seemed rather self-absorbed in many ways (when jeannette left west virginia to go to school in new york she said "i'm not upset because i'll miss you...i'm upset because you get to go to new york and i'm stuck here. it's not fair") and obsessed with her artwork and being her own free spirit. it was actually refreshing for me to look at her affect on jeannette to imagine how some of my whims and need to be who i am can be at others' expense...i could also relate with how she could be an inspiring, creative, awesome teacher on one hand and hate the structure and discipline and boundaries required to complete the job. i've often wished i could do something like that "on-call" instead of having to be there every day...

i'm off to nurse story back down for another sleep cycle...and sleep with him...more later...

ok, slept almost an hour!!! unheard of in my life as of late...before i went to sleep i said "irony, perspective and glass castle" as key words to write in my review...now that i'm back from some yummy vietnamese food at a dong (one of my favorite restaurants when visiting my mom's house) i'd really rather just go to bed but sea is going strong playing with my vintage fisher price doll house from when i was her age in the 70's...ok this free association is getting ridiculous and way off point...i'm sorry, i just don't feel like searching through the book for examples of my points...

i enjoyed her use of irony through much of the book...like how her parents pulled her out of the hospital because they felt they could take better care of her even though she was in there originally because they allowed her to cook hot dogs by herself at the age of three and she caught on fire...

and for the idea of perspective...even though i couldn't relate with much of what she wrote about, it gave me perspective in the sense that i worry about things like what type of plastic my children drink out of while she grew up in a home with water leaking on her head while she slept in a cardboard box and went days on end without eating...so, um, yeah, i need to worry less...

i'm not nearly as interested in my review of this book as i was idealizing this first book and the book club so i'm going to cut to the chase and get to one of my favorite parts of the book...the title..."the glass castle"...i loved that her dad had drawn up and frequently shared with her his ever changing and elaborate plans to someday build a glass castle for their family. it signified hope for her and showed her belief in him that she humored him about it for so long...i'm tired; my words are jumbling together and i don't really care about what i'm writing about even though i'm trying to finish this review before book club on friday...so if i have more energy and time tomorrow i will write more...