flying through the haze

matthew has always been so active and such a fun uncle...i've been in a daze since learning he broke his neck. the doctors are "cautiously optimistic" after the surgery and the signs are in place that he is recovering as they had hoped yet there are so many unknowns...so many things out of control...so many things that could change...loss of options and recovery times...neurological, memory, cognitive...i can't think about it. i don't have much energy for this post, either but felt i needed to "update" on his condition...sea starts kindergarten a week from today and she is so ready and not ready at all which is how i feel, too...i was lamenting so much and had so much anxiety and was reminiscing how much i would miss about our exclusive alone time and now with what could have been the demise of manuel's brother it just puts many things in perspective while throwing a whole bunch of other things out of perspective. so confusing to write about and even more confusing to try and make sense of since i'm not writing very clearly...i look forward to savoring time with my little bunnies...recently sea and story, despite fighting, have been cuddling and taking care of one another in extra little ways, perhaps realizing all these things hanging in the balance...i'm off to bed to squeeze them up extra tightly...