loss revisited

this was one of the photos in our wedding slide show...manuel's mom thinks he and my dad look alike here so i guess that would explain why sometimes story looks like both of them to me...this photo was taken almost 15 years ago...when manuel and i were just friends...

i'm stalling. don't want to dive in to loss. i've built up some pretty strong coping mechanisms to keep the pain of my own loss at bay...but tonight i got an e-mail from a dear friend that her husband's dad lost his battle with cancer...i immediately shot her an e-mail about how i didn't know what to say and even when you expect to someday lose someone it is unfathomable that it has really happened and how permanent it is...that after losing my dad i was torn between wanting people to reach out to me and wanting to be left alone in the horror of my pain...believing no one could say anything to make it better and not wanting to have to say anything to make them feel better, either. so i told her to send my love and let me know if there is anything i can do...

these all seem like just words. facts. ideas i'm vaguely aware of but not connecting with. i felt so emotionally drained when i heard this news and wanted to use it to connect with her, with him, with my own loss...but instead i just feel empty. i was happy that i can look at photos of my dad again without feeling like i want to throw up...tears well up in my eyes and it hurts a lot but i feel remnants of the happiness he brought me so many years...that's progress i suppose...but i'm not trying to evaluate my journey of mourning...just trying to figure out how to support my friend...and be...and live...

daylight savings

this first photo may be one of my favorites of sea and story ever...

just last monday we were suffering from the effects of "springing our clocks forward" even though i love having more sunlight during the day...it was a mostly overcast day and the cloudiness didn't help my already gloomy mood and lack of sleep...so i missed going to a free baby signing class...then was running too late to catch elaine at java mama (still need advice on using flickr if any of you readers want to share your experiences)...then missed going to the park/playgroup...but we did manage to make it to costco and rotate our tires...here are sea and story sharing a moment in the grocery cart:

coop preschool holi festival of colors

here are the details of this class lead by charita and payal at my house:

"This hindu festival is celebrated on full-moon day bringing together people from all religions, cultures, castes, colors and races in India and various parts of the world. The festival officiates Vasant - or Spring (much like how Halloween ushers in autumn). During the day children and adults unite my splashing colors at each other. There is a bonfire lit at nights to ward off the evil spirits and symbolically getting rid if the dried foliage to welcome new sprouts....how I wish we could do that!! Holi is also associated with "A festival of radiance (Tej)" in the universe. During this festival, different waves of radiance traverse the universe, thereby creating various colors that nourish and complement the function of respective elements in the atmosphere.
So let get together transcending all differences to get drenched in colors of fun and love!
Pls have change of clothes, for kids its preferable to have them put on oversized adult old white tees, and bring your squirt bottles. We will be making almond drink with saffron and almonds (typically some 'hash' is added for fun, but we will skip that...hahaha)!!"

and now some photos of said celebration...you can see that sea has no shortage of color on her...

throwing water balloons filled with colored water over the hill (afraid throwing them at each other wouldn't work out with our 3-year-olds...):

ant sized adventures

last month we attended a class called ant sized adventures at the mission trails regional park which is a beautiful place to go hiking and literally 7 minutes from our home...last month's class was about raccoons and opossums and this month we covered skunks and woodrats...the photos tell most of what i wanted to share but i'll narrate some...after story riding around on my back this one is of the children finding a woodrat's nest:

smelling sage...

finding caterpillars...
hiking after the big kids...
stopping to show off sea's zinc sunscreened face...
a little closer up...
trying to be expressive so i'll stop taking photos already...
the opossum found as a baby and raised in captivity...

twin hair cuts

manuel used to work downtown right by the paul mitchell school and so we periodically get our hair cut there...he asked to have his hair cut like his son's so here they are together afterwards...

incidentally, i'm thinking of letting them highlight/lighten my hair so i can be blonde again and look more like sea and story...will keep you posted...

just like sisters

here is sea with her friend quinn (who is very close to one year older than her) who slept over last night...i've been friends with quinn's dad, brett, for over 20 years...love his wife tomma...and you can see sea adores quinn...they look so much alike with their strawberry blonde hair, rosy lips and bluish green eyes...i'll leave you with a couple more photos...

happy 2nd birthday ro

i'm going for several brief blogs here cuz i'm so behind...today we attended a birthday party of a 2-year-old from one of the playgroups i'm in...sea had fun with the fire truck pinata, singing happy birthday, playing in the park and of course way too many delicious homemade (and vegan!) cupcakes...oh, and story enjoyed picking daisies...

up and running

story, that is...i'm still weeks behind on my "to do" list (needs, wants, you name it)...inboxes overflowing to the point of creating new ones, unable to find projects that are half started, bills to pay, laundry piling (literally...broken washer=7 loads once a week instead of daily), ongoing cleaning/organizing and lack thereof since moving (can't find half of what we own)...etc. which means blogging, keeping up on other's blogs, playgroups, e-mail, facebook etc. are all on the WAY back burner...i just loved this photo of story so happy to be walking that i had to do one small update...more as soon as i can be a little caught up...d