looking backwards

i've been sending random friends from facebook to this blog to "catch up on my life" and realized i don't have too many family photos posted so this seemed like a good photo...i felt very self-absorbed in my last post and although i still feel a little depressive i've pulled out of the fog enough to focus on the present...ahh...the title is looking backwards...so i guess i could spend many many blogs talking about my past; writing an autobiography, lamenting regrets, missing memories with my dad, etc. but really i'm writing about looking backwards in order to better look forwards...

one of my first posts was about "blank pages" and the idea that i always leave space in my journal to fill in what i don't have time to write about or don't feel i write well enough or want to supplement or improve or don't have the emotional energy to share...i haven't written in my actual paper journal for over a week for many of these reasons but mainly due to lack of time...so as i was thinking about these literal and figurative blank pages and what i needed to update on this blog, i thought i'd just post about the idea of looking backwards.

i haven't updated two different coop preschool summaries and once i do i will post some "looking back" photos here...

one of the major problems with the idea of "looking back" or trying to leave space to go back is first of all of course i never do...but on a more fundamental level of how i live my life, the other problem is then i can't live in the present because i'm consumed by the past and how that wasn't good enough to move forward. so after preschool tomorrow i will post a summary and photos even if i haven't finished the two before or posted any photos...that way i can stay current from this point forward...oh, if only i could use that same philosophy in so many other areas of my life (backing up photos/printing photos and putting them in a current album are two major ones that come to mind).

also, i've been thinking if i could become a more regular blogger, more personal, more disclosing, more interesting, etc. and could get more readers, i'd love to post ideas of topics i'd like to write about and have people comment what topics they'd like to discuss so this blog had more of a dialogue feel to it...

i used to be in a wonderful group (most of the others were english professors at the college i taught at) where we would throw out topics to discuss, pick one, write a one page essay (this could be fiction, poetry, free association or just our experience with the topic), trade essays so we had all read one anothers and then get together over drinks and reply...what we liked/disliked about one another's writing and/or opinions etc....these discussions got quite heated! especially when some of the topics turned to values (what is the one thing you wish to teach your child?) or religion or parenting...but sometimes they were as simple as "what is your favorite book/author and why?"...i read a book once where well known authors answered this question in a collection of essays and it was really interesting how their choices reflected in their own writing/life...in teaching i've often told students that different psychologists' theories came straight from their own experiences...so what about you dear reader? what would you like to write about? discuss? what experiences or philosophies color your present life? what shout out do you want to give to the world? what really matters?

oh no...i'm revisiting my thesis again with discussions of meaning in life, identity, happiness, etc. so i will get back to the present but allow your imagination or free associations to color my future blogs...looking forward to your input!