mommy's journey

memories from heart day

2012-02-15T07:03:00.000-08:00

i love all the new and missing teeth in this first one...this next one way taken new year's day but there are lips and love involved...

another teethy grin...sea posing for her valentine's card photo...

she looks so old walking to school with her valentines in her hand...

stops for a pose...

her brother watching...

they pose together...

this is the card she passed out to all her "students" in first grade...

i love you s and s and daddy!

judgments of (and by) a SAHM and raising spirited children

2012-02-03T07:06:00.000-08:00

it has been nearly a month since i've posted. many reasons for this...one of the reasons i've put off writing is because it has been so long i feel i need a good reintroduction or something important to write about or a summary of what i've done while i was away from this blog or a complete overhaul of my issues i have, etc. etc. disclaimers i often have when something is important. but writing for writing sake is important to me, too and i've had this story or frustration or embarrassment hanging over me for almost 24 hours and even though i'm supposed to stop writing in four minutes to get sea ready for school (i didn't hit snooze this morning...i shut my alarm off because it felt like i hadn't even gone to bed yet) i felt compelled to see if my blog was even here anymore :) i'm not even joking...i'm paranoid enough to sense this non-backed up blog could just vanish any day...i can tell this post is going to be all over the place...I am all over the place so i suppose that is fitting...

anyway, what happened yesterday is one of the head office workers at my daughter's school pulled me aside to talk to me about my out of control 3-year-old and how they can't be responsible for him on campus and he is disruptive, etc. judgments about my lack of control over him/poor parenting etc. and i immediately felt defensive and embarrassed all the while knowing parts of what she was saying were true...but i'm a BIG PICTURE person who believes you can't judge people unless you have the full context of any given situation, know them from the inside (live their life), etc. plus i do SO MUCH for that school that i feel they should overlook some of these things...

that is the nutshell version of what happened and as i type it i feel like i'm already past it and ready to contain him better (actually going to have him attached to my body in an ergo wrap as often as possible until this blows over) but what i suppose i'm not past is how quickly i became judgmental of this woman and the school and my judgers and made all sorts of assumptions about how their children have been in child care since they were a couple months old and so with someone else raising their children they have time to notice the troubles of others...these same people are not doing half the things i am to help the school but yet i'm the one being criticized...maybe it is a good thing as i need to say no to more and now i'm being told i can't bring him so therefore i can't help as much? i'm still having trouble wrapping my head around this scenario and how i will react and what that means for my involvement at the school...which is a big issue because i have been really involved as of late...and now i'm running late to get sea to school which means i'll be short on time to contain story in said wrap so more later...

blank computer screen

2012-01-07T20:13:00.000-08:00

it is still early january...time for new year's resolutions...reflecting over the past year and making goals and dreams for the future...

i finally backed up my computer to an external hard drive and moved my 107,000 photos to a separate hard drive also backed up. this means i have the space on my computer to export my 4 years of blogging in some form of back-up and start over with my photo library...only keeping the best photos and properly labeling and filing them...my 40th bday is coming up in just over a month...i haven't had any "must dos" before i turn 40 but now that it is coming up there are a few things i could strive towards...this will have to be a post for later since i'm not "there" in my mind right now...i have so many photos i could post and write about from the past couple weeks...so many posts i've been writing in my head...and now that i have the time and space to write my mind is blank...so i was staring at the blank computer screen open with possibilities and intimidating because of my lack of interesting things to write about (or i forgot all the things i felt passionately about when i didn't have time to write)...yet i feel compelled to write something. i think it is because i recently learned how to look at my page views or how many people read my blog or something like that and saw quite a drop off the past couple of weeks...literally a graph showing a steep decline in numbers...and i felt this shame "i'm better than that" or that i'm capable of writing more regularly, more interesting things...just not this post :)

how's that for a cop out...i had a friend at sea's school tell me she checked out my blog over the winter break...to which i looked away and rolled my eyes and began apologizing how i haven't been keeping it up or writing anything interesting recently...my best writing occurred when no one at all was reading...now i wouldn't even know where it was buried...i really need to create a back up somewhere of this blog because my memory is so bad i feel like i will lose a lot of my memories of what i wrote about if this blog disappeared...any of my handful of readers who may have advice on how or where to back up one's blog would be much appreciated...i'm really all over the place in this post and i don't care enough to edit it or re-write or start over or whatever basic strategy i could use to make this more interesting or at least linear...i like free associating when the associations make sense but they don't even make sense to me so i can't expect any readers to follow along...i was just getting at the idea that i want to blog more often and write more interesting posts but when i fear i don't have time or energy i just don't write anything at all and to me that is worse...so this post is allowing me to loosen my wrist and get ideas flowing through my fingers...now to connect my mind and maybe even engage my heart to care enough to make it more personal or intimate or disclosing...maybe i'll post about some bloggers and/or writers i enjoy and what i relate with about them...i could look for representative posts and these are usually springboards for things i'd like to write about.

sea and story are drawing pictures for each other on appleworks, an online drawing/coloring website...sea was making story a garbage truck...manuel's brother matt is visiting and they are lounging on our couches watching playoff football...story is singing a song about months of the year...yappay and kyra are taking turns sleeping on dog beds and romping around the room...now sea and story are climbing all over uncle matthew while he gives me a second to finish typing...sea wanted to learn how to do what i'm doing...someday i think she would write an awesome blog...honest, open, detailed, innocent, ernest...i'm ready for a hot bath and to put s and s to sleep...as i type that story just came and put his head on my lap...giving me hugs and snugs and we call them...

santa, finding goggin and catching up

2011-12-29T08:03:00.000-08:00

it has been nearly 2 weeks and that is way too long to be away from this blog...my goal was to blog every 2 to 3 days...i sent out 150 christmas cards over two weeks ago telling people they could keep up with our lives here and yet i haven't updated...so let's see a quick snapshot of what we've been up to...my dad's birthday was the 18th...it was a drizzly stay-at-home day...we had a brief garage sale before the rain came...got rid of some big items, made a little money, sold (and consumed) coffee, cocoa and donuts...mainly worked on our house and hung out...later that week i went to my mom and sister's house for a couple of days...we did a little christmas together and ate at our favorite vietnamese place, adong...hung out with my friend staci while she made christmas cookies and the children played, visited with flor for an hour of meaningful conversation over coffee, yogurt with dave and the family...i made eight personalized calendars for manuel, his parents, his siblings and my mom and sis (i put a LOT of time into these...choosing photos representative of holidays for each month and/or a photo of the person who has a birthday that month...along with our family's birthdays/anniversaries printed)...we took a photo with santa a couple days before christmas (to guarantee we'd all be sick for the holiday...almost inevitably happens every year)...sea had written her wish list and even made one for her brother...they started singing christmas carols and santa joined in...here is sea with "ooh-ahh"...

sometime last summer sea lost her favorite stuffed animal, goggin...here she is about 2 years old showing him off...i thought we would never be able to replace this albino tiger/opposum like animal but this past weekend in ventura we found one at a thrift store! i literally yelled "GOGGIN!!" and started crying...i'll post a current photo of her with this new creature...he doesn't have his fur loved off yet...

here is a drawing sea made on a computer program of goggin:

that's about all i can fit in before running off so photos/details of christmas will have to wait...later today we will go to the zoo with some friends and then sea world with my sister tomorrow...

sea's winter holiday party at school

2011-12-17T07:34:00.000-08:00

yesterday was sea's "winter party" at school...here she is with a couple of "my students" all wearing their party dresses...she made a wreath out of her hand prints that we hung on our red front door...

class photo of her classmates all wearing their santa hats...

sea's holiday display on the bulletin board...

she wrote "christmas. my favorite holiday in winter is christmas. first we hung up christmas decorations on our very ? xmas tree. then i and the rest of my family take a xmas photo with santa claus. finally i made cookies and cocoa for santa claus and stay up late and xmas night and watch santa come"

here is what she drew to go along with this description...i love how she drew herself peeking around the corner...

i just added a "flickr" badge on the right hand side of my blog...looking forward to uploading photos there regularly both as a back up and so i can supplement my life in photos on a larger scale there instead of trying to upload so many to this blog...

tree decorated and holiday cards sent

2011-12-15T18:57:00.000-08:00

we bought our 7 foot ($20!) tree from ikea the first of the month...just decorated it a few days ago (we've been out of town 2 weekends in a row)...all my holiday cards were printed, address labels and stamps arrived...just couldn't pull the assembly/writing of sentiments together until today...and only the friends in the first half of the alphabet got personal sentiments because i just had to mail them all...here are a few photos of tree decorating...sea almost fell into the tree...nothing the cat and dog haven't both done already...here story is placing "ooh-aah" (rudolph) into the tree...he likes to sing about his "shiny shiny nose"...

sea is placing the snowflakes she cut out...

here is the holiday letter i sent out with details from 2011:

SEAsons greetings from san diego 2011

dearfriends and family,

ourbiggest news this year was acquiring a puppy, kyra and a kitten, pablo…thefamily photos were taken on our road trip to portland…with that I’ll share whatwe’ve been up to, what we hope to be up to, and a section with details aboutsea and story.

2011highlights

we startedout the year at a new year’s day brunch at char and raj’s house. we reallyenjoy weekly art class for sea with bhavna at char’s house…sea creates withchildren her age while story plays with the younger siblings…riding bikes and playingwith their chickens while I sip chai with char. I’ve also enjoyed weekly meetups with my longtime friend cara and her daughter bria (zoo, museums, parks andwalks to name a few activities). I’ve been busy with my role as room mom andteaching art corps in sea’s class and love being involved in her schoolactivities.

early thisyear I attempted to create/be a part of two cooperative preschools with story…onewith friends from waldorf mommy-and-me preschool and we were briefly a part ofan outdoor preschool. when I was new to being a SAHM I joked I was mostsuccessful at this role when I didn’t stay home and I was out keeping busy withclasses and socialization for sea…now with story I’ve come to believe “less ismore” and I find I most often enjoy our time just being at home together.

we spend alot of time outdoors…manuel will go into work early and get off early so we canspend the afternoons by the pool, walk/run along the boardwalk at missionbeach, and on weekends we will walk around the local swap meet or pack up thewagon and gear and take our doggy to coronado dog beach.

infebruary manuel and I ran our first (half) marathon, the surf city marathon inhuntington beach. I originally signed up to support my friend maggie in memoryof family lost but we enjoyed it enough to sign up for another. on feb 12 wecelebrated manuel’s 40^th birthday at our house with friends, familyand their children. mid-month sea sang “somewhere over the rainbow” a cappellaat her first school talent show. at the end of the month I co-hosted a baby shower for becki in sacramento (my firstovernight away from sea and story).

the firstweek in march we celebrated story’s 3^rd birthday at our house with arobot theme…crafts, decorations and a huge jumpy castle in the back yard. savethe date for his 4th birthday party on march 4. I chaperoned sea’s first fieldtrip: we watched an orchestra perform vilvaldi’s four seasons downtown. at theend of the month our family went on a church retreat at pine springs ranch, thecamp I attended as a child . the children were super excited about playing inSNOW. on the way home from this trip we decided to stop and look at somepuppies (we’d been trying to find a puppy for over 6 months). I told manuel hecould choose the dog since he’d been a part of my cat claire’s life for 15 ofher 17 years with several strays acquired in between. I told him I was leaningaway from his favorite, a weimaraner, because they can be hyper and neurotic…wellyou can see where this story is going…we stopped to check out some weimaranerpuppies and our whole family fell in love with kyra and brought her home.

a fewweeks later, in april, we acquired our black and white kitten, pablo. I’m a catlover but aware that most cats prefer to interact with you on their terms so wechecked out a LOT of kittens before determining this cat wanted to adopt US…evidentlywe were successful; he lets the children dress him, carry him upside down, strollhim in a doll stroller…he purrs the whole time…for easter we hunted for eggsand shared brunch with friends at our friend kim’s house.

in may Iattended my cousin kate’s baby shower. I also chaperoned sea’s second fieldtrip to oma’s dairy farm. at the end of the month, bill, nancy and aunt mandyflew across the country to attend a dedication of the jim dyer memorial chapelin the department of social work. this event coincided with the 5^thanniversary of my dad’s death and though this loss continues to be an underlyingache I’m coming to a place where I can celebrate his life and share with mychildren and those around me the positive perspective he had on life through mywords and actions.

in june weattended our cousin alyssa’s 8^th grade graduation (wasn’t she just alittle flower girl in our wedding?!)…manuel and I ran in the san diego rock roll half marathon…sea hadher kindergarten promotion and a class pool party and then soon after we lefton a 2.5 week road trip stopping to spend father’s day with manuel’s family inventura…time playing with cousins skye and ayva, then picked up missy, clarenceand cousin meadow on our way north…we hung out with becki and met her new babycleo, hit the hotel pools on our drive, ate at black bear diner and eventuallymade it to our destination, portland. the children had a blast playing withiris and auden…tumbling, climbing, making art and watching mary poppins whilemanuel and I caught up with marc and karri. I co-hosted a baby shower for ana,paul and their new baby skylar at our friend debbie’s house…it was lovely tohang out with ana in her neck of the woods…a BBQ with many friends atrichard/tomi’s house, and hanging out with ana, karri and michal with all ourkiddos at a neighborhood café.

our friendwendy spontaneously had us over for a home cooked meal, roasted marshmallowsand a professional photo shoot in the meadow by her house (the main photo onour holiday card was taken by her there)…her photography is incredible…if youare anywhere near portland you should have her photograph you http://www.wjcphoto.com/you can check out her blog post with photos from our photo shoot here: http://wjcphoto.com/blog/?p=244

we brieflymet up with kathy and her grandchildren and then went camping on our road triphome. this was one of the highlights for the children; we hope to go campingmore regularly! arlene and kenny hosted us in their home in pacifica…homemadedinner, walk to breakfast and the beach the next morning…lovely times…we spentmuch of the day driving around san francisco and walking across the golden gatebridge (bottom photo on our card)…met up with jeremy and lesley for fun withdogs, dinner, ice cream and a sleep over and then we met up with the avitiasand went to the local swap meet in ventura on our way home. we spent the fourthof july back in san diego…spent the day at the beach and then had pizza andwatched fireworks overlooking the bay and downtown with mimi and angee marci…wemet our new cousin, ryder, katie’s son, and went swimming with his sisterchloe. we were sad to say farewell to dear friends sarah, andy, calvin and desmondwho moved to georgia. sea had her annual la jolla shores beach party for her 6^thbirthday. over 100 people came! put sunday july 28 on your calendar for her 7^thbday party…

the restof the summer was filled with beach and pool days…sea taught herself to ride abike in a few tries, the zoo, sea world, making rocket ship popsicles…storypassed the swim test at age 3 with sea’s prompting…they both loved the marypoppins play (and believed she was flying above the audience…asked for a magicumbrella so they could fly, too)…in august sea and story participated in cousinally’s wedding…walking down the aisle with their cousins kate, lisa and littlechloe…

inseptember manuel and I took our firstweekend away from the children (thank you mimi and angee marci!) and flew to portlandfor labor day weekend to celebrate george and lynsey’s wedding at a lovelyreception hosted at richard and tomi’s house. it was great to see so manyfriends together…yair & teresa, tony, jeremy, john, marc & karri toname a few....sea started first grade the day after we returned. later in themonth, sea and story both took their inaugural voyage on surf boards at haley’sbirthday party.

in octoberwe were blessed to have our friends from australia (we met them on our honeymoon in the cook islands) michelle, tama and atina visit us. manuel and I wenton a string of dates to various music shows including cold cave, washed out andcut copy, paul simon and a classic band from our high school years OMD…it wasan awesome show! I was part of a hearst 1^st café booth at sea’sschool for the fall festival, sea was a “princess mermaid fairy” for her classHalloween parade and party and story dressed up as a superhero of some sortwith a cape…it was our first year trick-or-treating in our neighborhood and it was nice to run into many neighborsand classmates.

in novemberI chaperoned sea’s first 1^st grade field trip to a play performanceof sound of music…sea knows most of the songs (story jumps in and sings alongwith her in the car) and informed us she wants to sing “my favorite things” forthis year’s talent show. she has also mentioned on several occasions she wantsto “be on stage someday”. we went jogging at mission beach alongside sea andstory riding their bikes (replacing the double stroller from earlier this year),la jolla scripps aquarium…thanksgiving with uncle dave and family at the beachhouse and met our new cousin clara…spent the weekend with manuel’s family…thechildren loved playing with their cousins…I was missing lorie on what wouldhave been her 40^th bday the end of the month…

it is nowdecember…we just got back from our 2^nd trip to sacramento—1st tocelebrate john’s 40^th birthday and to try to “catch” auntie missygiving birth to our new cousin…roman decided to arrive the week after…lovelycousin time and we had fun making music in missy and clarence’s garage…we havevarious holiday parties we will attend, class activities…music…story is singinghow rudolph had a “shiny shiny nose”…we enjoy decorating and singing xmas songsas a family…drinking “egg milk” by the fire…sea is diligently makingdecorations with special emphasis on cutting out snowflakes (fascinated sinceshe doesn’t see snow here in san diego).

manuelcontinues to work for the county of san diego as a public defender; earlierthis year he was transferred back downtown and is enjoying his practice. I amconsidering picking up a few substitute teaching assignments teachingpsychology at mesa college nearby in anticipation I may return to teaching oncestory is in kindergarten; for now I’m loving staying home and being involved insea’s school.

2011 goals

one of ourtop goals is to slow down and enjoy what is…we have no immediate trips,weddings or major life events on our horizon…I turn 40 february 15 so I’mtrying to figure out if I’ll do something low key with family or manuelsuggested I type “keep the weekend of February 17-20 (president’s day weekend)open for a surprise party for denise” J This will be my last full year to enjoyhaving story home with me before he starts kindergarten 2013. I hope to walk sea to school, garden, cook,read and write but mostly to enjoy playing, drawing, building, parks, etc.before sea and story grow up too much more and don’t need me as much (or atleast don’t think that they do).

blog update

I continue to enjoy blogging…combining my love for writing, photography,and noticing the minutia of my daily life as mommy… my goal is to post 2 or 3times a week…I’ve had my google blogspot account for 4 years now and it isalmost full so I’m going to be migrating elsewhere this year...any web/blogadvice is appreciated! for now you can catch up with us here: http://mommysjourney.blogspot.com/ as always I hope to balance writingabout life with living it…you can follow my photo chronicle of our life onflickr my user name is “sea and story’s mommy”

sea andstory

I record alot of the “little things” about sea and story on my blog…they both love artand creating things…recently they’ve been singing together or making music onthe piano/drums/instruments they create…they play well together role playingdoggies or kitties or that they are married (when they aren’t fighting)…bothlove to ride bikes, climb trees, explore outdoors and “down the hill”…sea hasrecently gotten into reading and has gone from sounding out words to readingfull books…I couldn’t be more excited that she can share this passion with menow…she still loves writing and illustrating her own stories…usually aboutmermaids or fairies…story is all boy in some ways…collecting and noticinggarbage trucks, cranes, fork lifts, “ollicopters” and zooming around in hissuperman shirt and cape…on our recent road trips they were both asking to “domath” where we give them problems to solve…story calls his “hard finger math”…theysaid “we are going to catch some winks” for a “couple whiles” and like watchingthe “bouncy bears” (berenstain bears)…in between “hugs and snugs” …trying tohold on to all our little things…

staying intouch

pleaseupdate us with any address, phone or e-mail changes. all our info is the same.we are on and off facebook…a blessing and a curse in trying to be more present withour family yet connected to you all…we love and miss all of you so keep usupdated on your lives. we’d love to have you visit! time goes so fast…we thankGod for our blessings daily…appreciating the “couple whiles” we have…

Lovealways, denise, manuel, sea (6), story (3.75), claire (17.5), kyra (10 months)and pablo (9 months)

exploring sacramento capital park with fall colors

2011-12-09T06:47:00.001-08:00

this past weekend we took a road trip to sacramento for a good friend's 40th birthday party. manuel's sister missy is due to have her 2nd child any day (they live in sacramento) and we were hoping to "catch" (ok, not literally) the birth at the same time...we stayed at the downtown residence inn (love those places...extra bed, front room, kitchen, free full breakfast with eggs, free internet, etc.) and while manuel slept the children and i ate and then explored the park around the capital building. it was a monday and sea was supposed to be in school...times like this i could really embrace homeschooling but sea was excited to get back to school to tell "her students" about her adventures...more photos of our music making in uncle clarence's garage in the next few days once i wrap up sending out holiday cards...

2011 snapshot in photos

2011-11-30T23:36:00.001-08:00

today is the last day of NABLOPOMO...i made it...posting this last post less than 20 minutes before midnight. i'm too tired to write much so i thought it would be appropriate to post some representative photos from 2011 (i'm working on writing our holiday letter and looking over the past year's photos to remember what i want to write about)...the following photos are out of chronological order because they were taken with two cameras and they are uploaded according to jpeg number...i could post them without comment but will give a brief description...

august...story passing the swim test at our community pool...

march...sea and story hanging out in their first snow while at family camp in idyllwild...

march...sea with kyra shortly after we got her...

summer sometime...sea joining the folk band at the swap meet here in san diego...

our sunny son story...

april...story with our new kitten pablo...

august...story running off the diving board after passing the swim test...

august...sea and story exhausted from a full day of swimming...

? sea wiggling one of the 4 teeth she lost this year...

april...easter egg hunt...

september...back to school...

september...sea carrying her box about herself....

september...walking to school with poppy...

? sea and story "getting married"...

october...halloween playdate craft...

? one of many art classes and sea showing her work...

february...running at mission beach...

january...happy new year brunch (this was supposed to be the first photo)...

october...sea as a princess fairy mermaid with her brother as pooh at her school...

? sometime at the beach...

?...beach...

june...sea's promotion from kindergarten...

january...sea early "surfing" with dad...

? sunny beach day with smiling dad...

? dad and sea snuggling...

? story after dropping sea off at school stopping to pick dandelions...

june...sea's last day of school...

november...family thanksgiving shot with our new cousin clara...

february...about to run the surf city marathon...

february...dad's 40th bday party at our house...

february...sea taking valentines to school and a card for ms. baker...

march...story's 3rd birthday party at our house...

march...story showing he is 3...

february...sea singing somewhere over the rainbow in the school talent show...

july...heading home on our road trip at the golden gate bridge in san francisco...

july...sea's 6th birthday party at the beach...

"just write" #1...link in on extraordinary ordinary

2011-11-29T06:24:00.001-08:00

i've written this idea many times...the idea that i just need to write more than anything else. more than the content, more than the outcome, more than the reason, more than the time i have to do so, more than how good it is, more than who reads it, etc. etc. and now heather, from one of my favorite blogs of all time, the extraordinary ordinary, is challenging her readers to "just write" and link back up on her blog every tuesday. here is her description of what to freely write about:

"Write whatever is happening around you WHILE you are writing (sometimes that’s the very best) OR whatever DETAILS you remember about your day or a specific experience.

Next, try not to clarify or explain what you want to speak through your post too much. (Try not to force a theme or message.) Just write your experiences. What did you: See? Smell? Touch? Feel? Hear? What did it make you think?

Then watch how your ordinary and extraordinary experiences speak all on their own. That’s it!"

you can add your link and join me here.

***ADD A COMMENT ON MY POST IF YOU ARE LINKED AND I'LL READ YOURS :)

free association has always been the best way to describe my writing. in fact, free association was one of my first labels since i couldn't think of a better way to describe what many of my posts were about. it is also a psychological term and my educational background is in psychology. i was a psychology professor before i became a full time stay-at-home mommy. so i included heather's instructions because i can easily write about the thoughts/feelings i have, the details of my day, observations, etc. the difficult part of this challenge for me will be "try not to clarify or explain what you want to speak through your post"...in fact, i was thinking if i ever had enough readers to come up with my own challenge i would have the opposite "just analyze"...like pick a topic/problem/issue in your life and analyze it through as many different angles as you can think of...then link up and get feedback from other readers...i think some of the most personal blogs are the most interesting. in fact, i have very few readers but when i titled a recent post "irritable and moping" which isn't that personal, i more than doubled my readers on that post. unfortunately the post itself wasn't that interesting. even now as i type this i think i should go edit/add/change the content...but i rarely remove much of what i write...what i'm getting at is often in the middle of all the rambles and can't be reduced down. my husband on the other hand can say what he means in very few words. both in conversation and in writing. and i think there are pros and cons to both approaches. we balance one another in that way. we are also both nerdy and feel understood by few (fortunately each other)...my previous post touched on this idea briefly...

i feel like i'm stalling...waiting for inspiration or the nugget i was thinking about as i went to bed that connects to so many other ideas...i'll get there...but wanted to ask a question of any readers i may have...i currently have a google blogspot account that is 90%+ at its max. i haven't yet figured out what that means and what will happen when i do max out (i assume this is from the many photos in my posts). but i'm prepared to pay for my blog and commit to it on a deeper level (as evidenced by my willingness to pay for it). i thought i just went to one place and tried to register a domain name but when i tried to do that this morning i found several hosts (am i using the right terminology?) and also have questions like how to have all the features on google...i briefly read about wordpress and that sounds like the answer there...any suggestions on how to transfer my 4 years of blogging into a new site and which host to use? i don't have many readers to transfer there so i can have a fresh start without worrying who i will lose, but i don't want to lose anything i've written (or comments on posts) or any of my photos. is there a max to how many photos total or data for that matter you can put up on a domain? do you pay extra for that?

so no more stalling...i have 15 minutes to get some content down so i can start getting my daughter sea ready for school. last night as i was reflecting on what i wanted to blog about i was thinking about this very idea of "just writing" about the details of my day and what i thought about. and then i came across heather's blog in my blog roll and realized i really wanted to do it more officially and connect to other people doing it and credit her for bringing us together so you can join, too!

the other reason i decided to connect with heather's challenge is that I LOVE HER BLOG...really, i have no reason to promote her other than she is a blogger i relate with, enjoy reading and she strikes that balance between living in the moment (her blog name embodies that...she appreciates the little ordinary things and sees the extraordinary in them) and finding meaning without trying so hard to do so that she misses the little things or daily life. in fact, daily life and the little things ARE what is most meaningful in many cases...

which reminds me when i was trying to find my niche or voice or what i liked to write about back in high school a teacher once said "truth is stranger than fiction" and what i took from that is writing about things you know can often be more compelling than trying to create something...i've always been more of a non-fiction writer so that made sense to me. i also mentioned my psychology background and how i just naturally analyze...usually myself more than others, but i'm always looking for hidden meanings or trying to figure out how things relate.

last night i was also reflecting on my struggle with depression and how people seemed to want to read a post about struggling..."misery loves company"...or maybe people just like to feel like "my life, my problems aren't THAT bad..." for example, my mom has hoarding tendencies so the show "hoarders" is very refreshing to her because she can feel like she isn't a hoarder watching it...

i also just think people are more HUMAN when they are comfortable sharing their weaknesses. from a psychological standpoint the idea that disclosure leads to disclosure. so if i share something personal about myself you are much more likely to share something about yourself than if i keep our interaction very surface level. or if i encourage you to talk about personal things about yourself, you somehow feel closer to me like i "know" you better...i can see how getting readers and comments on your blog could be very cathartic in this way.

so back to the sad ideas i was reflecting on last night...i was thinking how when i attend funerals i rarely care about the general descriptions given "he/she was kind, generous, loving, etc."...what really chokes me up are the small descriptive details of people's lives...examples of things they said or did...the same holds true for blogs...when bloggers write about minutia of their daily life i can often relate with what that means even without them having a theme or describing what they are trying to do by writing about those details. i think this is partly what heather is getting at with her challenge. the idea that we can all relate on the very human and personal aspect of these details.

well my 15 minutes are up and i didn't even get to the small details of yesterday...one of the ideas i was hoping to touch on occurred when i went to java mama, i cafe designed so children could play in a play area while moms eat/drink/work/hang out. this concept worked well when my children were younger. really it worked fine yesterday in the sense that my children enjoyed playing...wearing dress up, zooming around on a small car, role playing with toys and other children...what struck me, though was how my children are no longer toddlers. this shouldn't be shocking considering they are almost 4 and 6. but somehow i just thought children universally continued to enjoy songs like "the wheels on the bus" and "hokey pokey" (i didn't really think this...just was surprised how far past this my children are).

i always thought i wanted to have a big family...always wished i had a brother, more siblings. i had hoped to provide my children with this until i had two very spirited, active, intense children. i can't keep up with them. i know someday they will channel this energy into something positive (and they often do now) but i'm often mediating between them with each other, with other children, with adults and it can be exhausting. i've said "i only have two hands" and that i need one for each child (literally and figuratively)...yet when i hang out with first time moms, friends with only one child younger than mine, or even friends who have their third, i somehow get a little jealous of the opportunity to start over. have a fresh start. make different decisions how i interact with my children, what activities we do, what i notice. because really i don't have too many regrets what i did or didn't do...my regrets are more about not BEING THERE in the moment...PRESENT...and not trying to take photos or write about it, but experiencing it. so i will leave on that note. an ever present reminder to myself of how i hope to live. noticing and experiencing the details...the extraordinary ordinary as heather would say.

i just got back from taking my daughter to school...stopped, LITERALLY to let my son observe (not smell) a brilliant orange red iceland poppy opening up...check out some christmas light decorations...i've posted this blog post on blogher and facebook...hard to put myself out there without feeling i should be adding/editing/writing disclaimers (like this one)...so as i sip my extra strongly brewed sumatra coffee in warmed egg nog and listen to the "paul simon" station on pandora, making breakfast of gluten-free pancakes, hash browns and scrambled eggs...i'll reflect on what else i'd like to add in observations about the little things in my day :)

today's goal (tomorrow's blog post) is to write my holiday letter...look over last years photos...hopefully i'll write a post with representative photos from all 12 months of last year...we'll see how much time i have...

i heart nerds

2011-11-28T23:48:00.001-08:00

my husband and i just finished watching a 5th recorded episode of "the big bang theory"...my favorite t.v. show as of late...there is something familiar in this show about nerds who relate with one another but not with most of the rest of the world...i was going to analyze the characters and why i like it so but instead i came across a post in my blog roll "just write" that sounded more interesting...it is supposed to link up on tuesdays so i'm going to make this post brief and put my energy into my post for tomorrow (in 10 minutes)...

my husband is a nerd who i adore, by the way. i was a nerd underneath my otherwise social exterior who had more mainstream friends than i related with growing up...oh my, i need to save some of these free associations for my next post...tune in tomorrow!

back home...cousin photo...more tomorrow

2011-11-27T23:39:00.001-08:00

yes i'm squeezing this post in the final seconds of today...

so much to do to get caught up...here are a couple photos from the tail end of our thanksgiving...sea's card to her cousin skye with a drawing of each of the 5 cousins (6th one due any day)....

in order they are meadow, story, skye, sea and ayva...here are the last four in the same order:

story, skye, sea and ayva...

i have so much to do today so more tomorrow...

Celebrating what would have been lorie's 40th

2011-11-26T22:23:00.001-08:00

I figure my irritability and depression in part stemmed from missing my dad over this holiday of thankfulness but also missing my friend lorie who would have turned 40 today. This is what I just e-mailed her mom:"Dear nancy, I've been thinking of lorie (and you) for the past few days but today in particular on what would have been her 40th bday. She was so full of life and zest and spunk and lived as if the smallest moments in life were cause for celebration and glee...I know just being in her presence would have been a party all its own today and I'm so sad we can't. I thank God we can reunite someday in heaven but until then I am thankful to celebrate so much of lorie that lives on...We have been spending the weekend here in ventura with manuel's family and some of his relatives from Bakersfield which of course reminded me how Manuel 1st knew lorie in central California...next weekend we will celebrate johnny facundo's 40th with him in sacramento...I remember hearing stories of them growing up together as just kids and I know we will reminisce all we miss about lorie.I'll touch base with you in the next few weeks to share more of those stories...for now I'm getting my children to bed too late but just wanted to drop you a short note of appreciation for lorie and let you know we are thinking of you...Sincerely, deniseSent from my iPhone"I wanted to say so much more along with detailed memories but it is late and my energy is low and I just got my children to sleep...

Irritable and moping

2011-11-25T20:15:00.001-08:00

I feel irritable and depressed. Lacking an internal drive and needing resolution but not enough energy to seek it or even think about it. Really I just want to go to sleep...now...before 8 and while my children play so gleefully with their cousins...oblivious, thankfully...yes, it is the day after thanksgiving and I'm moping around...self-absorbed as usual...feeling sorry for myself instead of grateful..."glad to be above ground" as one person put it. I miss my dad something awful and don't even feel I have anyone to express that to right now...I thought today went well overall...I put up with black Friday shopping I didn't want to do, let my children eat more junk than I wanted without comment, cleaned the kitchen thoroughly including putting food in containers, sweeping, dishes and counters...all done twice...taking the dog on two walks...giving moral support and playing the mediator on family drama that I didn't need to be a part of...then my husband misunderstood something and instead of explaining it better I took it personally and shut down so now that my son is ready for bed I'm going to bed with him...One more "poor me" rant...I somehow was rationalizing all this work and time I put in should buy me a solid half hour typing a meaningful post tonight...but instead we can't get the wireless Internet to work so I'm pecking on my phone with no motive to write anything anyway...I've been noticing all these cute things my children say and do that of course at the end of the day I can't remember...they were just drinking "egg milk with cimmomon (misspelled to get their pronunciation)" and were doing "meanie meanie miney mo" and saying if the tiger "runnels" instead of hollars...More relatives showed up so I'm emerging from the room hoping to perk up and stop moping...truly hope for a meaningful and grateful post soon!

Thankfulness will come later

2011-11-24T22:58:00.001-08:00

Low phone battery...in the middle of a heated discussion about parenting with my in-laws...focus on my shortcomings...will try for a real post later...

Preparing for turkey day

2011-11-23T22:00:00.001-08:00

I'm trying unsuccessfully to upload a photo from my phone of sea and story next to an inflated turkey outside of trader joes... I wanted to write a lot more about the four stores we went to, cooking three entrees, etc last minute prep i did today but instead i'm off to put s and s to bed...

sea and story's 1st bike ride at mission beach

2011-11-22T09:45:00.001-08:00

yesterday we fixed sea's flat on her bike, put new (working) training wheels on story's bike, purchased them both working lady bug bells and streamers, bundled them in warm clothes and secure helmets and took them on our 1/2 marathon training route along mission beach boardwalk...

story loved going through the giant puddles from the rain the day before...

and spinning over and over and over and over around in circles...

he also REALLY wanted to play in the sand...so he took a few breaks to check it out...

did i mention these photos were taken with my phone? i LOVE apple products...i think my phone is better than my point and shoot at capturing low light...

story trying to escape to the sand again...

i actually like the blurry movement quality to these photos...

bria's 2nd bday party at san diego botanical garden

2011-11-21T19:59:00.001-08:00

yesterday we went to bria's 2nd birthday party at the san diego botanical garden. threat of rain was nearly 100% the entire time but we beat the odds until the end...i told cara my children would love rain and umbrellas and rain boots and mud...rare for them in san diego...here are a few of the things they did at the party...play in water with a pump and plastic water animals...

metal elephant on top of the succulent covered roof...

make giant bubbles...

ready for rain in their hoodies...

watch an electric train going through a mini city...

daddy and story on the other side...

sea painted like 10 pictures...here are a few...

story did one abstract...

they painted rocks with bria...

painted pumpkins...

ate yummy food...

hung out with friends...

planted their own succulents...

played in a house...

more planting...

story making "a whale"...

saying farewell...

attempt at a coffee/cocoa/cookies stand

2011-11-20T12:00:00.001-08:00

we stayed up late last night getting ready for a garage sale today...i was headed down the street to hang signs and it was drizzly so we decided to wait until this morning...up and out the door at 6 i realized the weather hadn't changed and we weren't prepared to lay out tarps and cover items in the yard so i cancelled the garage sale on craigslist and wrote a big CANCELLED sign in red over the sign we had already hung...this left us with the question of what to do with the 4 dozen chocolate chip cookies we baked last night...so once the drizzle cleared the children helped me set up a stand...

our dog kyra isn't used to being in the front yard so she was frantically barking for attention and wanting to be a part of the action...our kitten pablo snuck up and ran up the tree...story decided to start pouring cocoa before the customers arrived...

sea was running around with as much enthusiasm as kyra (she chose to wear her xmas dress from last year)...

story saying "CHEESE!"

trying to pose...

finally, our first customer from across the street drove by...

i asked if we could take a photo with her since she might be our only customer!

sea drew a photo of a girl eating cookies and drinking steaming hot cocoa so i told her to pose like the picture...

a close-up to show the details...

our make shift sign that nearly blew over...

some of the cookies (sea and story were helping to eat any of the defective crumbly ones)...

and finally the sign "by sea and story"...i love the way she spells chocolate...

making music, dancing to cash, baking cookies...

2011-11-19T22:39:00.001-08:00

and preparing for our first garage sale tomorrow...these dancing photos were taken in the summer but you get the idea...sea and manuel are coloring the letters of "yard sale"...sea was just playing the piano with her foot, tapping a drum and shaking a shaker at once...taking turns dancing with her dad...i've been eating too much cookie dough...

sea's 1st grade thanksgiving celebration

2011-11-18T19:44:00.001-08:00

today i assisted in sea's 1st grade thanksgiving celebration at her school. here is her class posing with their handmade pilgrim hats...i liked this old school shot of the front of the room...november calendar, plans for the day, abc's, flag...

after reading a book they made pumpkin pie pizza...

sea (with her many missing teeth) thought it was a thumb's up...

i then tried SIX TIMES to get sea and story to pose in their hats with their construction paper turkeys in front of a neighbor's fall leaves covered tree...

story is really good at saying CHEESE!!!

finally i got sea to pose...

sea's 1st grade parent teacher conference

2011-11-17T22:01:00.001-08:00

today was our parent/teacher conference with sea's 1st grade teacher...this first photo is just one taken of her today at the bank after she whipped out a quick portrait to give to the woman working...i was going to upload all 30 drawings/writings since school started but they were taking too long...so here are the first few...my dog is nice...

i decided to go camping...

...and i roasted marshmallows...

exploring in a cave...

...soon mommy bear came...

...i screamed and screamed...

tree house...

i love snow (ironic living in san diego...she's been in a couple inches once :)

at the library...

as usual i'm rushing off to bed before i get all my ideas down...if i wake up early enough i'll write about the actual conference...

sea and story making hand print turkeys

2011-11-16T22:51:00.001-08:00

today i hosted a thanksgiving potluck playdate...we made hand print turkeys (like these) and attempted to glue feathers to mini pumpkins to make turkeys out of them...i was looking for these photos here to show what the final turkey would look like and realized these were made two years ago...sea was a year away from even starting kindergarten and story was only one and a half...crazy how much time has flown by in the past two years...i love how they are working together on this project and just can't get over how young they are...

halfway meaningful blog topics

2011-11-15T21:47:00.001-08:00

i've been looking forward to writing this blog post all day...tried to carve out the time, to no avail, several times...even told a friend i was going to catch up on her blog today (she is also doing nablopomo) and instead it is again late, i almost fell asleep putting the children to bed and i have no energy and no passionate ideas pushing themselves out when i do finally sit down to write. this is particularly frustrating because today i'm officially halfway through nablopomo and i've wanted so badly to write something meaningful, write more than a couple lines and so i thought "halfway meaningful" could mean two things...

--i'm halfway through and writing something meaningful
--a disclaimer if my "meaningful" post is only halfway meaningful

i seem to need a lot of disclaimers in my life...i remember in high school writing in very few yearbooks because i always wanted to write a full paragraph first of what i had NOT written or why i couldn't write the most meaningful things or something lame instead of committing to what i did have to say and being alright with what was left out. so instead of writing a long meaningful post, today i'm just writing meaningful (to me anyway...see, another disclaimer) blog IDEAS or topics i can later choose to write about...i could just go through my "labels" and most of these would be there...but i'll write a few lines about each to show where i'm going with these ideas...

1. commitment the fact that i married my first boyfriend (and we didn't start dating until our early 20's) is in part because i'm so idealistic, a tragic-romantic type on the one hand but really unable to commit or make decisions...and not because i don't care...on the contrary i care too much and become immobilized...this commitment issue is also related to the next topic
2. identity or who am i? i feel like in some ways i'm still defining myself and figuring out what aspects of myself i want to commit to as being ME but in other ways i'm excited that at almost 40 i'm comfortable with who i am can finally list little things like my favorite bands and books on facebook without fear i've left so many others out (ok, i still haven't done this...but i'm hopeful i can by the end of the year)
3. independence/dependence these were two of my biggest topics when i first started blogging...i had trouble separating what aspects were me and what aspects i needed others or wanted to be needed...i feel like i've found my place in between in some ways (ok that i'm more dependent upon than ever before and ok depending on others more than ever) but in other ways i'm ready for more independence and have had a lifelong struggle since i've always viewed myself as so independent yet have in the process cut out dependence
4. meaning my personality type as defined by the myers-briggs test is ENFP which in a nutshell means i approach life more Extroverted than introverted (outgoing and social), more iNtuitive than sensing (going with my gut instead of just what is obvious), more Feeling than thinking (this is another topic entirely...see further down the list) and more Perceptive than judging (this one means i prefer open-ended than closed options though i feel i've changed in this area)...i bring this up because the NF temperament type is known for its quest for meaning. it's true. i've spent much, much of my life searching out meaning, trying to live a meaningful life, even writing my master's thesis on the importance of having integrity between your self-concept, values (what bring meaning to your life) and how you live your life...there is this fine line between being so obsessed with meaning you miss the mundane or miss the point that the mundane IS meaningful...if i was just starting to blog and needed a theme it would be something along those lines
5. balance means a lot of different things. even to me. but i think it is important for each person to figure out what a balanced life looks like for them...i know there are many things in my life right now i'm giving too much weight and other areas that have needed a lot more weight for awhile so i've been working on those kinks knowing a lot (and a lot of people) have been hanging in the balance or even left out briefly...this makes me feel badly since i've always had an irrational drive to be a people-pleaser even at the expense of my own happiness but i've gotten a lot better at that at least...one of the concepts i was exploring back in my early 20's working on my thesis in psychology was the idea of life as a pie and what component you choose to put in...realizing some get bigger slices and if you have a lot of areas they each get even smaller slices or if you have very few things and lose one it can be even more devastating of a loss, etc...my husband and i had talked a lot about this idea when we were dating and imagining our lives merging together and creating our family pie, etc. and i thought it was an intuitive idea on the one hand and impressively creative and unique on the other...so my narcissistic brilliant side was surprised when my friend andrea was writing about this in her blog post today
6. narcissism oh man this would be a LONG post if i ever get around to writing it...i've grown up quite self-absorbed...usually in a self-deprecating way that leads to putting myself out for others at the expense of my own needs but i can be quite selfish when feeling my own self needs have not been met...i just jumped on facebook to get andrea's blog post link and without going into details as i'm going to post this on facebook, another friend definitely gave me some perspective with what she is dealing with...just when my life feels chaotic and unbearable in some ways i realize how lucky i really am...so even talking about being self-absorbed i feel like i should be placing the focus off myself instead...
7. feeling versus thinking the jury is still out on this one...i feel REALLY deeply, intensely...and this can be really good or really bad...i've struggled with depression and the down side to manic highs (no official psychiatric diagnosis of bipolar though when studying psychology i labeled myself all sorts of things)...but really it is just so difficult to decide where to live in between feeling everything or analyzing it all. i remember i came really close on our wedding day...let myself feel but still soak in the moments and just BE...second by second...allowing myself to think about it, too...but otherwise i'm really bad at blending these two. in graduate school this was one of the topics i talked to a peer counselor about...how i would either feel at the expense of rational decision making or get so analytical and breaking everything down rationally there was no feeling or intuition involved...in college i even wrote out this theory about the vicious thinking/feeling cycle that went from the extremes of apathy (not caring--not thinking or feeling) to being reckless with all feeling or all thinking...do most people do these things at the same time or just a little of each applied at different times? why do i have to go so over the top with one or the other? and apathy just scares me because it seems like the place people go right before they hurt themselves or others...
8. little things this was the term i used for the small things my children say or do in the moments i'm rushing to capture their childhood and often miss what is right in front of me...i can't even think of an example right now because i have so much anxiety and chaos going on in my head...trying to slow down...but i know there are a lot of little things in my life i'm missing...i want to look my children in their eyes when they talk, see life through their eyes, experience it on their level...be there for them but also be in it (life) with them and not just as an onlooker. ok i thought of one small example from today. sea and story still sleep in our bed with us. last night sea decided to sleep in her own bed because some book about 1st graders told her she should be (GRRR....i need to write some attachment parenting children's books to supplement on the mainstream views on these things)...

oh man, in the middle of this list story woke up...appropriate, i suppose, that i get to use my attachment parenting and co-sleeping skills midway through this post...

silly family photo

2011-11-14T22:12:00.001-08:00

this photo was taken at becket's 4th bday party this past weekend...all day i've been fantasizing about taking an hour to myself and writing a meaningful post and here it is only 2 hours left in the day and i'm exhausted and going to bed instead...so here's a little silly photo and hoping for meaning tomorrow, halfway through nablopomo...

"all i want from xmas is my 2 front teeth"

2011-11-13T19:30:00.001-08:00

"i want bucket's type of olleycopter"

2011-11-12T21:38:00.001-08:00

we went to our friend becket's bday party today...he had a fun helicopter...tonight sea lost her second top tooth...stories for tomorrow...

11.11.11 new beginnings

2011-11-11T20:56:00.001-08:00

...or old bad habits...like being too exhausted at the end of the day to write anything meaningful...and today would have been a perfect day to write something new year's resolutionisque...but i'm tired...maybe i'll write something early tomorrow morning...

flashback to "so long farewell..." sea age 2

2011-11-10T19:58:00.001-08:00

today i attended sea's first 1st grade field trip...a play to watch the sound of music...i love this musical and "so long farewell" actually made me cry remembering this moment caught in a series of photos (sea actually did this little routine of singing the gretal part inching her way backwards up the stairs to our apartment EVERY TIME we went upstairs right before story was born)...sea is holding her favorite little white tiger "goggin" who has since been lost...

and then of course resting her head at the top so someone would carry her to bed...

the sound of music

2011-11-09T20:46:00.000-08:00

...one of my favorite movies of all times...i watched it every year around the holidays with my family...my mom would cry through the more dramatic emotional songs...i loved singing along...we've passed this love on to our daughter, sea, who knows most of the songs word for word. she is watching this movie right now with my mom in the other room...too late...but it is a "late up night" because her grandma is visiting and because tomorrow is her first 1st grade field trip to see the sound of music play. i can't wait...i'll be driving and chaperoning five other first graders so it should be a busy day! here is yet another post on the sound of music written by my friend andrea on her anniversary last month...

"mommy elijah wants to marry me"

2011-11-08T23:15:00.001-08:00

sea casually mentioned this to me yesterday...i asked her what happened and she said "elijah said 'i love you sea...will you marry me?" and so i asked her what she said and she said "sure, if you buy me a golden ring"?!!! these ideas are so foreign to me...in first grade boys thought girls had cooties...i don't even wear jewelry so i'm not sure where sea got the idea of a ring from...i never had any little boyfriends as a child and this is already sea's second suitor (see the post on robert here)...she is so casual about the whole thing...maybe that was my trouble...always a tragic romantic and idealizing what a boyfriend/husband meant...i talked elijah's mom today and she gave me a little more context to this...she said at the halloween playdate sea had kissed elijah and so he believed he had to marry her...so cute...this photo below may have been taken right before or after the kiss...

sleeping, reading and writing

2011-11-07T21:48:00.001-08:00

i was almost asleep (after putting the children to sleep) and would have stayed that way if i didn't remember to wake up for tonight's NABLOPOMO post...so, i'm up but really only to write i'm going to jump in the tub and try and finish my book for book club tomorrow night and save writing for another night...

sea's first drop off bday party

2011-11-06T14:30:00.000-08:00

this morning sea began working on a card for her "student" aiden...

her doggy asleep in the background...

she made camouflage wrapping paper...photo of aiden from last year, watercolor painting and her handmade book card attached...

here is the cover of the book card with aiden and sea holding hands...

it is a "battle" party so she wrote "i no (know) you like gons (guns) and sods (swords)"...

"we will have kace (cake)"...

"but i love you"...another photo of aiden and sea as the last page of the book card...

so i dropped her off at her first drop off bday party...she was the only super hero...

and also the only girl engaging in battle...

"mommy can i turn the rain sweepers on?"

2011-11-05T19:05:00.001-07:00

super story and sea in the rain in san diego

2011-11-04T15:36:00.000-07:00

rain is rare here in san diego...i just found story's cape that we didn't have for trick or treating so i'm taking my halloween shots a few days late...he loved zooming around "flying"...

and or course sea had to soak her socks and shoes in the process of puddle splashing...

needing to write a complete post

2011-11-03T07:09:00.000-07:00

i just checked if my blog was on the blogroll on blogher for nablopomo...it was buried at 1540 of almost 2000...a few titles caught my eye i may go back and check out but really i feel like i'm just a number out there and i'm not trying to get a blog following anyway so why do i still notice things like i had 8 people read a post that was only a title i meant to come back and fill in? coming back and filling in is NOT something you do in the blog world because readers don't come back to check...what you write on any given day, the current post, is what is considered alive...i know this, yet i fill in because most of what i write is for me...my family...more of a journal of my journey than sharing with the world...so why a public blog? hmmm...good question...because i WANT to be a writer people follow and want to read and learn something from and want to answer my questions and share their opinions and ideas and knowledge and be part of a blogging community...only that requires TIME and i don't have enough of it right now. or at least am not good enough at prioritizing what to do with the time that i do have. so i get down quick summary sentences and a few phrases of snippets of my life and consider it good enough for now while my head swims with all i'd like to write about...even the little things my children say and do get saved in my head not quite long enough to make it to paper or this blog and i feel like life is slipping past me...so i try to balance between living life and capturing it...this has been one of my biggest blog themes, life themes, really...

so today i really want to write a complete post...but instead i will make sea's lunch, get her school clothes ready, make her breakfast, rush out the door much faster than i should considering i do these same things every day and every day i try to allow more time so i won't be rushed and somehow procrastinate or sabotage to be pushing and pushing myself and her...i really want to wake up early enough to eat a leisurely breakfast together...talk with each other, sip tea or coffee...then WALK the mile to school, slowly...but i'm not a morning person and neither is she so instead it is later than i'd like to be in bed myself when my children are finally exhausted enough to fall asleep at night which sets up this same rushed schedule...

i have a lot of topics left to fill in...the fall festival at sea's school and our first grade booth "hearst 1st cafe", halloween parade, crafts and trick-or-treating...and now today i'll be teaching the second art corps lesson in sea's class...i could do all these things just in photos and have them mostly covered...but i didn't videotape any trick-or-treating and i don't want to forget the cute things sea and story said at each door...

so i may or may not get back to these...or i may or may not write a complete post anytime soon...really, what is complete when you constantly analyze life? everything connects to something and every time i figure something out, there is another way to look at it or my views change with experience...maybe that is why i called this blog mommy's JOURNEY because that's what life is...always moving, changing, growing but enjoying the ride along the way...

pablo is lost...then found

2011-11-02T06:29:00.000-07:00

i woke up early to catch up on my fall festival, halloween, and november 1st posts...but my dear kitten pablo is missing...he pushed out the window screen and snuck outside yesterday which didn't concern me too much (he loves the outdoors and usually comes home when he is hungry)...but he isn't back this morning...isn't crying on the roof...off to look for him :(

UPDATE: pablo was of course, found...as sneaky kitties who love to escape often are...he didn't come home all night and wasn't waiting on the porch or any of the outdoor places i often find him...but after an hour or so when he decided he was ready to come home, he did

blogher nablopomo "i write, therefore i am"

2011-11-01T02:52:00.000-07:00

it is almost 3 a.m....i woke because i was unable to sleep...anxiety, things undone, prioritizing my day, my life, my values...and writing was right there at the top. something i HAVE to do...i've been building up to joining this NABLOPOMO (november is the official month of posting a daily blog post)...yet i must hit "publish" and get my wee ones back to sleep to update this when i wake up...if there is time...if not, i have posted for the first day!

halloween

2011-10-31T21:32:00.001-07:00

trying to make a mermaid costume...

2011-10-30T22:19:00.001-07:00

fall festival

2011-10-29T20:39:00.001-07:00

sea lost her fourth tooth (her 1st top tooth) on friday...meadow's 2nd birthday...she is about to lose her 2nd top tooth, too...on saturday i set up/ran/broke down the hearst 1st cafe at sea's fall festival...took lots of photos...too exhausted to write more than "f" that night...today we are selling the remainder of the coffee, cocoa, baked goods...i'm off to take over supplies and have sea's mermaid costume ready to fit on her...

hearst 1st cafe

2011-10-28T09:58:00.000-07:00

i thought i uploaded photos last night...can't remember what they were and don't remember hitting publish...don't remember much else but all the planning going into the little 1st grade cafe we are planning as a booth at sea's fall festival tomorrow...i have so much on my plate right now i really must be procrastinating to even write this...excited!

sea's birthday card for meadow's 2nd birthday

2011-10-26T18:28:00.000-07:00

"i love meadow especially when it's her birthday. i like her brown hair that's combed every day. i like her blue eyes mixed with green. i like her father and mother her cousins and friend and her neighbors of course her town her state the same one as ours. you're my second best friend you have in the world i don't have any more"

chaotic halloween playdate part 2

2011-10-25T20:44:00.001-07:00

i'll have to fill in the details in the morning...off to bed...

the sound of silence...

2011-10-24T16:17:00.000-07:00

this was my favorite song at the paul simon concert the other night...i've always loved this song and had high expectations and he still moved me to tears...such a captivating melody and haunting harmony...i hear them both simultaneously and hear the sadness and remember sadder times in my life...grateful i'm not there now but still remembering...we should have taken our children to this concert...there were several children there but more importantly our children would have loved the show and know many of the songs...my daughter is busy attaching multi-colored feathers (scales) to her mermaid costume behind me as i type...off to try and pull this costume together before our halloween playdate party at my house tomorrow...

i love ms. fernandez

2011-10-23T19:27:00.000-07:00

sea is cutting out hearts and wrapping up plums for gifts for her teacher...she said she is love with her teacher and her teacher is going to fall in love with her...i may have photos for these creations later but for now we are off to bed...

family days and paul simon concert

2011-10-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

i love this adoring photo of sea and her daddy...surrounded by her favorite color orange and brightly colored flowers...she brings so much joy to our lives...manuel has been sick for a couple of weeks...today i lead sabbath school and took the children to church while he got some much needed rest. normally we would pack up a picnic of some sort (something easy like homemade bean and cheese burritos) and head to our community pool or if we had enough energy, the beach. the weather was borderline...about 70 and a little cloudy...but we would have done it but for his low energy and illness. so we had a relaxing family day in...i had hoped to make it to a friend's baby shower but knew this would be pushing it for manuel so instead we ate slowly...enjoyed one another's company...spent time in our yard...it is still quite sunny out (the kids are pretending they are at the beach complete with a blanket, beach umbrella, pails, etc. in the backyard) and dog is chasing them in and out...the lighting in this next photo reminds me of my dad because he died close to sunset but more importantly because we often took walks together, just the two of us, when the light was really golden like this...so i'm including this photo because it is taken in our yard, peaceful and the lighting reminds me of family and memories i have and memories i'm making...

we all love paul simon...he reminds me of early dating days with manuel but the kids also love singing his songs on the way to the beach...it will be great to see the show tonight...finally, i love the sparkle in sea's eyes and her freckles and smile and that is about all i have time to post about :)

creating with sea at family art night

2011-10-21T09:03:00.000-07:00

the past two nights i've attended family art night with sea and story at her elementary school. i love creating with them both and it is so rare to have a photo of myself with sea doing something we love (mostly my own fault for insisting on being BEHIND the camera and capturing it all myself)...

last night i made the mistake of allowing her to wear one of our favorite little mexican dresses...hopefully all those colorful flowers will hide the permanent paint spots (or be a permanent reminder of our lovely evening together)...

this is the painting i made...i was trying to create sea flying...she would LOVE to fly, be a fairy and orange is her favorite color...i was going to make the bridge more like the coronado bridge so this could be a san diego scene but couldn't work it out with the flying...story helped me create buildings on the left...he is missing from these photos because he was ALL OVER THE PLACE and it was a stressful but fun evening...

i almost forgot...

2011-10-20T20:38:00.000-07:00

...to post tonight...which is probably fine since i inadvertently skipped a day in october anyway...:(

i think i do much better when i don't force myself to write every day...just got back from our second family art night...have more concrete plans for the cafe booth we are doing at our school's fall festival...as always, more later...

2011-10-19T20:26:00.000-07:00

the first graders drew themselves with their halloween costumes...sea said "i want be a princess fairy mermaid. I will have a tail and a crown and wings"

loose tooth out...loose ends still loose...

2011-10-18T23:24:00.000-07:00

hmm...i wrote a post on here and then my husband signed out of our account before i saved it...basically it was the idea of little things and sea losing her tooth...me with loose ends...it is late and i can't reconstruct the details...maybe in the morning...

life beginning and life ending

2011-10-17T21:33:00.001-07:00

my cousin dave, who i grew up with...all major holidays together (thanksgiving, xmas, 4th of july, etc) just had a baby on the 14th. three days later his mom died. she was a very strong (physically and emotionally) woman who i thought would live until she was 100 so this came as a shock to us both i believe. dave sent me this e-mail:

"I wanted to let you know my Mom passed away in her sleep last night in Fl. She was not sick and went joyfully to her Lord with no surffering

You only have one Mom......"

i think that last part is directed at me (i've gotten frustrated with my mom recently)

anyway, no photos for this idea but it has gotten me thinking about life and how i live it and how life comes and goes...also missing my dad...looking forward to reuniting in heaven...

going out

2011-10-16T19:03:00.001-07:00

we've been to three shows in six days...that is a lot of babysitters and going out for us! last weekend we saw the album leaf one night and OMD the next and then this weekend we saw cut copy and then went to two parties the next day...one 40th at a cool downtown urban pizza place and then that night a fellow mom's birthday party at the sound wave in mission beach...this is definitely new for me but i'm enjoying the ride!

coming together

2011-10-14T18:59:00.000-07:00

this was my vantage point from the kitchen a few days back...sea and story were pretending they were little birdies in a nest and pablo was hanging out...yesterday i taught the first art corps of the year in sea's class...i didn't get a great photo of her line drawing of a turtle because she didn't put much effort into it and didn't hold it still enough...then after school she had an art class...today i met to discuss our hearst 1st cafe plans, mostly cleaned the house, picked up m from the airport...getting ready to go to a sold out cut copy show downtown without tickets but m has good luck/karma on these things so i'm hopeful...i've been stressed and had many things over my head half done and much of that is still true yet somehow in this moment i feel like much of it is coming together...

still catching up from halloween playdate

2011-10-13T21:06:00.000-07:00

halloween playdate chaos, restless lack of sleep, etc.

2011-10-12T22:38:00.000-07:00

if i could post the photos from any given day's post the next day i think i'd be able to blog daily...i usually have at least a little i have time to write about...but to upload the photos and then go through them to pick some for the post...not so much...today i hosted a halloween playdate at my house. it was for the younger siblings or story-aged children...fabric ghosts, foam pumpkin stickers, pipe cleaner and pom pom spiders...i'm not even sure i took a photo of these crafts...my vision was to put them on a garland in the front window...so tomorrow i'll hope to finish my vision, photograph it and get a photo up...tonight i could NOT get sea to fall asleep...it is 10:30 and she just went to sleep...story started coughing and rolling around like he was going to wake up just as she went to sleep and then kyra chimed in with some barking (frustrated she didn't get to play much today since i left her outside during the playdate)...the playdate was fun...sweet sparkling champagne, coffee, juice, i made gluten-free banana pumpkin chocolate chip muffins, scrambled eggs with pureed spinach and mozzarella cheese that looked like spider webs...everyone brought yummy food for the potluck and it was nice time with kids and moms and chaos...i still have a LOT to clean up...i meant to not let the children play in sea or story's rooms...only bring out a few toys or have them make forts out of blankets or something low maintenance but of course story was excited to show kids toys, zoom around on cars/bikes so i let it go...right now i'm supposed to be getting out an update to sea's class as room mom...so back to what i should be doing with hopes of more of what i'd like to do sometime tomorrow...oh, and i teach art corps for the first time this year in sea's class tomorrow afternoon...

loose tooth

2011-10-11T21:08:00.000-07:00

it's coming...it's been coming for some time now...sea's loose tooth is loose enough to come out any day...i'm not ready...symbolically or even visually with the gap...but it is coming whether i'm ready or not...

history of modern

2011-10-10T20:57:00.000-07:00

lazy sunday eating playing sleeping...OMD

2011-10-09T15:23:00.000-07:00

sea and story were playing that they got married last week sometime (and then i asked what they were going to do next and sea said "have a baby!" and promptly pulled these two out of the top of her dress)...this photo is more for the idea of them playing nicely together...role playing, eating "samples" like at costco...serving one another small drinks out of the lids of the juice...now they are following one another around on their bikes down the halls of the house...manuel is watching the broncos play in the other room...i'm about to make a middle of the afternoon meal of beans, rice, veggies of some sort...pablo is curled up asleep on top of the printer...it is a really warm fall day...high 70's...perfect day to have done our usual and gone to dog beach but manuel and i were out until 2 a.m. last night at the album leaf show (i'm going to upload a video later) and now we are getting read to leave to see OMD in about four hours...i really like their new album but of course "if you leave" was the predictable last song at every class night end-of-year party in high school and there were many other classics i'm looking forward to going back 20+ years in memories to hear...i took a lovely nap with manuel earlier...story even fell asleep (mostly nursed) with us...sea busied herself drawing the entire time...was even whispering when i woke up, trying to be quiet so we could sleep...

the kids are getting kyra all riled up and her barking is distracting me...off to be in the moment and appreciate these lazy sundays with little we need to do but spend time together as a family...

australian friends and the album leaf

2011-10-08T19:47:00.001-07:00

"wanna make a memory?"

2011-10-07T23:24:00.001-07:00

we have our australian friends in town this weekend...we met them in the cook islands 7 years ago on our honeymoon..."wanna make a memory" is a reference to a bon jovi song manuel and i like...remembering long ago tonight and ready to make more memories...

worm, mosquito fish, winter tomatoes, art class

2011-10-06T20:19:00.001-07:00

Goodnight Steve jobs

2011-10-05T22:16:00.000-07:00

Juggling priorities and missing lorie

2011-10-04T22:16:00.001-07:00

i had so much to write about today and now it all seems gone...i lost my friend lorie 3 years ago yesterday...sent out an e-mail to our mutual friends saying:

"it is just after midnight...now the 4th...and i'm missing lorie and missing the date and missing you all to boot...i've been singing "bye, bye miss american pie..." all weekend and probably on and off since the day i first met lorie...her music plays on in so many ways, in so many lives. i want to stay better connected to you all and share our lorie memories and love for her through times spent together. i know loriepalooza has probably become more of a n. cal phenomenon, but i'd make the trip up some year, or love to celebrate her life through times spent with you all together more often anytime for that matter...it was lovely to see arlene and kenny and karri and marc this summer...you all should please come and visit us and we'll do the same when we are your way. let's keep connected the way lorie always connected so many. i'd love to hear how you celebrated lorie this year. nancy, i think of you often, and would like to keep better in touch. i'm going to dig up some old photos most of you have seen before and forward them to "see" that music that makes me smile...bye bye miss american pie..."

this was in reference to last year's e-mail chain and the connection to the song...here is what i wrote a year ago for more context and what i wrote originally about her for the booklet we made for her memorial.

i've been thinking about her all weekend...even when i didn't know i was thinking about her. i know this because i've been distracted and not in the place i'd like to be either appreciating my family and spending time together or being effective in my stay-at-home mom duties or as room mom...i was supposed to get out a weekly summary to the class on friday and put it off all weekend...here we are almost wednesday of the next week and i can't focus and pull it together to make it happen. this feels like college days when i would procrastinate beyond a motivating and acceptably late level and self-sabotage...i definitely do NOT want to sabotage my role as room parent or anything that has to do with my daughter. so i will wake up early in the morning and make it happen.

on a lighter note...today sea and story were playing so well together...after their usual bowl of alphabet soup (see yesterday's post) they decided to get married...sea put on her cream colored silky flower girl dress from ally's wedding and story went and chose his own outfit..."broncos broncos" and they went down an aisle with sea ringing a bell and holding a felt flower...i asked what they were going to do next and sea said "have a baby" and she promptly pulled out a boy and a girl baby doll from inside of the top of her dress...i did take lots of photos of this but have not uploaded them, nor do i have the energy to do so right now...

i'm rambling to avoid thinking. or laying awake trying not to think. or feeling depressed. i wrote lorie's mom an email from the heart about my experience with grief with losing my dad and i haven't heard back from her. i hope i wasn't taking away from the loss of lorie...i definitely am experiencing an ongoing ache for both of them it's just that grief has a compounding effect...i need someone to relate with, tell me we will get through it...focus on heaven...get outside of myself...focus on my children...i'm not sure what to do but i'm in a funk.

if it were daytime i'd make myself a fancy coffee drink with coconut creamer and whip cream and cinnamon and focus on all the flavors and the buzz of the caffeine and then eat lots of dark chocolate and before my crash i would try to experience something altered from the exhaustion i feel...but it is nighttime and i should let actual sleep solve these problems. so i'll go try...pablo, my kitten is now meowing for attention...letting me know he plans on staying up, scampering around...see, i'm stalling, too...no resolution in sight and no energy to write something snazzy to sum it all up or move on...

here's to a better day tomorrow...and hopefully some restful sleep tonight...

"story, i'm going to give you the last can of alphabet soup"

2011-10-03T15:42:00.000-07:00

sea and story love "martha speaks"...last week when we went to the library we cleared them out of all five martha speaks books...she and her brother love to pretend like they are both doggies...specifically sea makes "alphabet soup" for story to lap up out of a bowl (usually milk poured just to the edge where it can spill while he drinks it)...today she even found magnetic alphabet letters from the fridge and spelled out story's name in a bowl but the messy milk is more their speed they like to role play together...they are awfully quiet right now so i'm off to see where their imagination has taken them now...

between in-laws, football, pablo, enchiladas

2011-10-02T21:59:00.001-07:00

my in-laws came down this weekend...in the middle of cleaning up enchiladas...trying not to let pablo escape again...yesterday was filled with lazy sleeping in, hanging out at home, shopping at the "ramate" swap meet, watching football, cooking/eating lots of food...enchiladas...beans, homemade rice, mashed potatoes, lettuce, tomatoes, avocados...this morning poppy came with us to take sea to school...he got to attend her monday morning assembly...she has a marigold flower in her right hand for her teacher...

between

2011-10-01T21:59:00.001-07:00

last night i decided to commit to posting every day in the month of october on nablopomo. i figure this will be good practice for november, the official national blog posting month and also get me to post something more often. the theme for october is "between"...i knew i wanted a photo of myself between my children and came across this one scrolling rapidly through my 101,655 on my hard drive...story is trying to get me to read him a "martha speaks" book from the library while he sits on my lap so more later...

my boyfriend robert

2011-09-24T08:27:00.000-07:00

yesterday when i picked up sea from class she said "MOM! i have a boyfriend!" and then proudly presented me with robert. she said "you kiss me on the forehead and i'll kiss you on the hand" which they are doing here simultaneously...i asked her later how she knows about boyfriends or who told her about this idea (or did they read a book about it?) and she said "no, just because he is nice and my special friend"...still processing the idea of my little daughter having her first boyfriend...

simplicity parenting and social inclusion

2011-09-21T07:12:00.000-07:00

these photos are the most recent example of simplicity parenting...attended a workshop by kim john payne, author of book by the same title...getting sea off to school and attending an art corps meeting this morning so more later...

school struggles

2011-09-20T13:26:00.000-07:00

these photos were taken last year...2nd week of kindergarten...here we are on the 3rd or so week of 1st grade and sea is having a really hard time "i HATE school mommy!" "why do i have to go?" "why can't i stay home like story?" "he gets to be with you all day and all night long..." "why can't i homeschool?" i didn't have great responses to these inquiries...i wanted to just hug her extra tightly and cover her in kisses but of course we were running late and again i made smothering her with zinc sunscreen all over her pale face more important...she was pleading with me..."mom please pinky promise you'll come at snack time...or recess...or lunch..."

i tried to tell her we are sharing a car and i can't walk "you can be late...or just come for a few minutes..." she was negotiating, analyzing, trying to figure out a way to make it work...i wanted it to be simple like "i can't come the first month because it is too hard on you" but i believe her teacher is alright with parents coming in so i have to come up with something better...this morning sea was up at 5 ready for "lots of mommy and sea time"...of course much of that time was spent watching richard scarry and clifford videos while i was trying to wake up...it was cloudy, gray, foggy, gloomy...to match both of our moods...

i'm getting ready to go pick her up from school now...walking over there with story in the double stroller and then headed together to the store where we will inevitably get snacky treats for them to munch on coming home...i wish i had some resolution...answers...direction...this breaks my heart...

dog beach in the fall

2011-09-19T07:08:00.000-07:00

every sunday we are in town we go to dog beach in coronado. yesterday i could definitely tell the weather had turned...cooler, a little windy...less people and just a "locals only" energy...

this will probably be story's last time in this stretched out and faded body suit...sea's swimsuit was from last season and also doesn't fit her correctly...

i love my vintage puerta vallarta towel...

this is probably my favorite shot...

though the random one of us moving and being together is nice, too...

catching up and losing teeth

2011-09-18T08:13:00.000-07:00

this first photo is of sea wiggling her super loose top tooth with her tongue...it will most likely come out today...i woke up earlier than i wanted to...cleaned up the dinner dishes mess we left last night when we went to bed earlier than we planned, made chamomile tea to focus on being calm and prepared myself for a few minutes of time alone to blog before anyone woke up...sea beat me to all that...she came out for mommy and sea time though now she is talking about watching her favorite show martha speaks (she wants to feed her doggy alphabet soup to see if she's talk)...right now sea is rolling around with kyra on her dog bed...pablo (shown below with story) is about to (finally) go to sleep next to my keyboard while i type after a long night of crying and scampering around...off to start our day and get ready for the beach!

sea's first day of first grade

2011-09-06T18:53:00.000-07:00

standing outside her classroom...

shouting to her friend ruhi while running in the rain...

getting ready to go inside...

finding her name tag...

listening to her teacher...

backpacks hung up outside the class...

meet and greet with the three first grade classes and pops...

sea sharing one with her brother...

hugging ruhi after school...

our attempt at a family shot...

hugging her teacher too tightly...

swirling in a pool

2011-09-02T00:01:00.000-07:00

we are going to spend all day today at the pool...my thoughts have been swirling...i love the translucent nature of these photos as sea swirls in the pool...taken the end of last summer when sea was only 5 and about to enter kindergarten...i'm trying to write one more quick post with music that is too upbeat for my mood or energy, dog still in and out of the room, cat trying to escape outside to certain peril...kids transfixed by monkey george...my thoughts lost somewhere...i really want to find them because i feel compelled to "capture" these last moments before school starts...it is late thursday night and i'm going to schedule this to post 12:01 friday morning...i could probably do nablopomo if i could write several posts and schedule when they would post but somehow that seems to take away from the spirit of a-post-a-day...so i don't feel badly i'm not committing to nablopomo...

i also am going to decline jog-a-thon coordinator at sea's school. my friend is in charge of coordinating all the volunteers/coordinators and i feel like i might let her down but not as much as i would let down myself, my family and ultimately the school if i took the position...so instead i'm shooting for room mom. i met all three first grade teachers yesterday. the first one was sea's favorite...i'm not sure why...she was kind to sea, but so were the others...sea hid behind my legs and said loud enough for her to hear "mommy, can i tell you a secret?" and i said, sure, and turned her way to which she said "i want HER to be my teacher!"...the other two teachers were nice to sea as well. i've decided they each have their strengths and i can't try to control too much. i did ask each of them if i could be room mom if they were in sea's room... i think they said yes? i got caught up in trying to assess them/have sea meet them...

sea told one teacher she is a little bit scared about first grade because they don't give second chances (i still don't know what that means exactly) to which the teacher said "I will give you second chances"...i keep trying to get sea to tell me about kindergarten before those memories get lost in the experience of first grade. or tell me her first grade expectations...or what she enjoyed about the summer...i am trying to hold on to too much...i really am off to bed now...

end of summer beach day

2011-09-01T20:28:00.000-07:00

we went to the beach today...a couple beaches in fact (huge swells, undercurrents, wind and excessive bacteria sent us packing to different dog beaches)...right now my children are watching curious ("monkey") george and eating spinach and cheese ravioli...our dog can't decide if she wants to be in there with them, outside, inside, chasing our cat...the cat is asleep on the desk by my computer...slacker is playing "favorite mashup station"...some trance/dance type number that has more energy than i do...manuel is already asleep...we are going to spend all day tomorrow at our community pool and then go to the ice cream social at sea's school tomorrow night to find out who her first grade teacher is.

i've had so much anxiety about letting go of my little kindergartener, summer ending, not knowing what is ahead of us...we should know a little more tomorrow...i wanted to write a lot more on that topic like my memories of her in kindergarten, expectations before school, memories from summer, etc. but i'm not feeling it right now. i haven't been feeling a lot of things lately...like an irritable, sleep-deprived, anxiety-filled low grade depression that seems more self-indulgent than anything else...so i want the focus to be on HER or at least appreciating the now instead of lamenting what i'm losing...

i changed my nablopomo badge to the month of september and the theme of "return" but i haven't committed to writing every day this month as i was WAY over it and it felt like a task halfway through...i want to enjoy and look forward to blogging when i have the time, something interesting to say...that may not be tonight :)

walking home from the pool

2011-08-28T02:35:00.000-07:00

i missed a day :( we went to a concert...el ten eleven at the casbah...didn't get home until 2 a.m...

Full day

2011-08-26T23:10:00.000-07:00

lame post...trying to fulfill my daily posting...

this photo was from sea making body art (she was going to walk around the neighborhood and offer to draw with markers on people)...she is showing her book of things she can draw and story is showing of his "garbage truck" she made on his chest...

today i woke up early to do much of my friday cleaning. then i got grace (an early teen neighbor who the children adore from our neighborhood pool) to babysit while i attended an art corps informational brunch. really nice to hang out with other moms who share a love of art and involvement in their schools...drank too much coffee, admired the director's lovely home and landscaped yard and just soaked in relaxation...then manuel got off early and we spent the majority of the afternoon at the pool...temps in the high 80's and a little humid like east coast weather...but again, hung out in the shade and in the pool and relaxed with margaritas (made from fresh squeezed lemon juice and sugar water blended with ice instead of margarita mix...we really need to buy some citrus trees so this can become our usual)...intended to leave around 7 to attend a block party near our neighborhood (friends who live around the corner invited us) but sea was playing with several of her "students" from school in the pool until the pool shut down...headed over to my friend char's house (her daughter ruhi is one of sea's best friends and she will start kindergarten at sea's school this fall...sea and ruhi are only 3 months apart in age) where the block party had migrated (at least the kids had)...drank blood orange and organic white wine spritzers and ate healthy homemade food char had prepared much earlier and just sat in lawn chairs in their front yard and relaxed and talked while the children ran around, did gymnastics on the lawn, rode scooters, played imaginative games about building a water slide down her bank, etc. it was a nice day...very full...i'll have much to do to catch up with the usuals of life but a nice summer experience!

letting people down

2011-08-25T21:24:00.000-07:00

"more in the a.m."...and that is how i would have left it until sometime (i don't have) in the morning...but i woke up after putting the children to bed to make a pot of beans so we can have bean and cheese burritos tomorrow at the pool...

"letting people down" was just the idea in my head before going to bed. i wasn't sure where i was going with it or who specifically i was letting down, but it felt like a burden...a lot of people...or at least the important ones...including myself, were being let down...

i'm not sure where to begin with this idea and i know it will circle back around (or not) as i free associate on this topic...actually, i think i may go to bed after all...worried my husband and children may wake up (not to mention the dog) and that my self-absorption wouldn't be worth the time i'm taking to get this off my chest...too self-indulgent...

but while i've got the idea in my head, i just feel like much of my sense of self has been around being a people-pleaser or at least giving of myself and often it is too much or to the wrong people or hurts those i care about the most in the process...vague...i've been trying to have more integrity, put my family first instead of making them wait while i work my way through my long social network or my own needs first...this has been productive in some ways and in others i've let even more people down...

balance...lack thereof...independence, dependence, depression...identity...i have so much more responsibility raising two children and being married to my husband than i did when it was only myself i hurt with my decisions...this is good and bad, of course...

just glanced at our wall calendar...august...photo taken last august before sea started kindergarten...huge toothy grin where she is missing her first tooth on the bottom and grinning in her polka dot swim suit at the beach...now she is just over a week away from first grade and has THREE loose teeth...the top two middle and a third one on the bottom...these things make me extra sad or at least aware of the passage of time...

just added "loss" as a label for this post...most directly thinking literally about the teeth but also my dad, what i lose when i give up some options or commit to others...but the commitment and integrity involved in doing so somehow is better than leaving all options open and never choosing...these ideas are so philosophical...i'm going more in circles than coming to conclusions...hopefully with a little extra coffee and less guilt over waking my family i will have more to share in the morning...

close up

2011-08-24T20:55:00.000-07:00

network down

2011-08-23T23:04:00.000-07:00

i lost (or rather broke myself) our internet connection tonight. negligence, rushing...whatever the exact reason it was sort of a metaphor for losing connection in other areas of myself as well. i'm making a pot of beans to cook overnight and going to bed...

motivation without coffee

2011-08-22T19:53:00.000-07:00

i've been seriously lagging today...so much so i couldn't even summons up the energy to find a cool photo of myself with coffee...i try not to be addicted...go 3 and 4 days between to avoid caffeine headaches but i suppose even more importantly so it is a treat and/or WORKS when i need it to...i didn't even have the energy to make coffee today...so tired i'm off to bed...hope to supplement this idea tomorrow...

san diego book club #1

2011-08-21T21:10:00.001-07:00

this past wednesday night i went to a wine bar for mom's night out time with friends, wine, conversation, time away from my children and for our first book club meeting...probably in that order. the book club part is a secondary agenda though i love to read and am excited about that part, too, if i can ever find the time to read. our book for this month is the paris wife by paula mclain. i believe it is a fictional story based loosely on letters and records between hemmingway and his first wife....a love story told from her point of view. i'm excited to read it.

we spent all day at the dog beach today. i'm too tired to upload photos...i spent an hour or so reading part of salinger's the catcher in the rye which i'm ashamed i've never read. i'll write another blog post when i finish it but the main character/narrator reminds me of my husband in many ways. he is a teenager but i could imagine my husband being similar at that age and still see some traits currently...i'm being vague...but it is nice to enjoy a classic book and also relate with it on a personal level...

Something to post

2011-08-20T23:18:00.000-07:00

leap of faith

2011-08-19T21:20:00.001-07:00

so both of my children are now officially swimming and leaping off diving boards...sea even did front flips shortly after passing the swim test before someone asked her if she was scared and then the idea came into her head so now she won't try them anymore...story had to walk to the end of the diving board several times before deciding it was worth the plunge. i believe he jumped to me a couple times first but now this is already old news and he runs and jumps before he gets to the end...flying...i need to take a leap of faith in several areas in my life so here's hoping this photo, idea, my son can inspire me...

mom and dad's wedding anniversary

2011-08-18T17:07:00.001-07:00

today would have been my parent's 43rd wedding anniversary. this post has to be very short because my house is upside down...trying to down size, organize, throw out or properly put away too much i've held on to in stuff and memories...photos, slides, projects...will update once i've finished...love and miss you dad...

thoughts on a summer morning

2011-08-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

here is a photo of sea in between riding her bike outside with her super safe helmet, creating a "super why" character by covering blocks with paper and coloring/drawing on them...in her swim suit ready for the pool later...

it is 8 a.m. and my children are still sleeping...their summer schedule has kept them quite active and with less sleep than i'd like. normally i'm be thrilled to have them sleeping and have some alone "me" time...but this morning i'm feeling somewhat depressive, incomplete...wishing for something to "fill" me or at least distract me...a good cup of hot coffee to sip would be a start but i don't have the energy to grind and french press it and it feels more like something i'd like to do than something i'd actually enjoy...balancing ideals with the actual experience...ongoing struggle for me...i'm listening to radiohead on slacker...probably doesn't help the depressive energy...reminds me of pretty hopeless feelings i used to have in college days and beyond...though this was one of the best concerts i attended with my husband on a rare date night after the children were born...

..."if i could be...all you wanted...if i could be...all you wanted...all the time...all the time..." --fake plastic trees

i struggle with self-esteem issues...guilt...never good enough for myself or others...not really where i want my focus to be this morning...

so i skipped to "house of cards" a song manuel has played in playlists recently...reminds me of him...

i'm at a bit of an impasse...there are the things i "need" to do...the things i want to do, the things my children want to do...idealizing there are only a couple weeks of summer left and what to do to fill our time...there are playdates i want to have, playdates others want to have with us that i would be doing for their benefit and at our expense...places to go like the zoo, sea world, parks...really i just want to hang out at home...take the children on walks/bike rides...do art, make books (stories about their life/wishes)...

...READ...this is one regret i've had the past few years...my children have been in different places/attention spans with reading so i've not tried to find books i could read to both at the same time...or made other things higher priorities...i want to model how much i love to read and encourage them to do more reading on their own but more importantly read more to them...we signed up for a reading program in coronado where they get little beads for each book they read but i want to sign up locally, too...

our puppy is sleeping on the chair nearby...the kitten just ran out the back...i probably have a few minutes ( i was going to type "before the children awake")...as i was typing "little chewey" came stumbling into the front room...kyra jumped off her chair, tail wagging to say good morning...chewey was wearing his favorite, too small, "camping" sweatshirt with tents, trees, bears etc. on it...this is the shirt he will put on when asked to get dressed on his own...he rubbed his eyes and climbed onto my lap with his characteristic big smile...

i was just going to add that our past month here at home has included jaunts in the back yard (climbing the olive tree, playing in the play house, riding bikes/scooters), role playing about baby green or kendall, pretending they are characters from two of their favorite shows...martha speaks or super why, creating zoos out of blocks and animals, fighting/not sharing what each wants to play with or trying to control how they should play together, asking for just one movie/t.v. (this hasn't happened as often as i thought it would and i can still distract them to play instead)

...yesterday sea started face painting with markers on chewey...drew a garbage truck (his favorite) on his chest...then she got out letters and envelopes and made a book of pictures she could draw and wrote notes to the neighbors to let them know she could do face drawings for them...she wanted to go door-to-door to offer this but manuel came home early and we went to the pool instead...

there is always so much i could do/need to do...i'm going to read them some books this morning, go grocery shopping at the "monkey george" store (trader joes has a green monkey children search for to get a treat) and then work on being productive...m will probably come home early and we will go to the pool again...i have my first book club meeting at a wine bar in north park tonight...maybe i'll break out that book i was reading to have something to talk about other than my children...though they are my favorite topic :)

one of my friends was blogging about how now that both her children are in school and she has more time she is reflecting on who she is and her identity apart from being a mommy...i'm not quite there yet...my identity is fully wrapped around their lives and i'm loving it that way...which is interesting because when i first had children/started blogging i remember being a little obsessed with ideas of independence/dependence and figuring out who i was and where i was relative to all the needs my children had...but i don't have time for all these thoughts as our summer morning has officially begun and i must go chase pablo, our kitten scampering in the yard, make some breakfast, get us dressed/hair brushed (one of my goals is to do this earlier than we have)...those three dots "..." should be leading to some idea but i don't know what it is...i'm enjoying living in the moment where "what is" is just the idea/thing happening now...

of course that thing right now would be my son dunking our kitten into my too hot lavender bubbly bath...getting his and his sister's clothes all wet, water all over the floor in the process...

here is a close-up of the character from super why....

story passed the swim test

2011-08-16T20:22:00.001-07:00

this afternoon manuel got off work early and we did our usual family routine...(ok we didn't have bean and cheese burritos as the beans were still cooking when we left) and packed up the kids lubed up in sunscreen, big towels, change of clothes, chlorine-removing shampoo, iphone with music playlist and speakers, adult beverage, snacks for the kids to eat/share with friends and headed to our community pool. story just learned how to swim within the past couple weeks and he showed me how he could swim the width of the pool and back for the first time earlier today. then later in the day sea said "hey story, why don't you pass the swim test so you can jump off the diving board with me?" and he said "sure!" and did...without even thinking about it...kinda crazy...he is only 3-years-old and swam both lengths of the pool and treaded water for 30 seconds...

his swim stroke is a cross between the back stroke, flipped to his side stroke and a rotating crawl that looks like synchronized swimming...he takes his time and looks so relaxed...

long day in the sun so i'm off to bed...i don't know if i mentioned i'm going to try and post/upload a photo for every day of the next 182 days until my 40th birthday...

happy 39 and a half birthday to me!

2011-08-15T21:28:00.001-07:00

this is my 1st grade photo...my daughter sea starts 1st grade in 3 weeks...today is my half birthday (yes, i do keep track and sometimes--personally--celebrate my halves!)...noteworthy to me for two reasons...i'm half the way through the last year in my 30's and i don't feel anything different. in a good way. i usually over-analyze where i'm at in life, what i've done (get nostalgic) or what i still hope to do...more specifically, who i hope to be...figuring myself out...not feeling good enough, often depressive on my birthday and/or half birthday. but today i was struck by how normal i felt. how i went about through a typical daily routine of things i needed to do and was less self-absorbed than usual...right now my daughter is having a "late up night" watching some adventure journey show with her dad and i feel i'm missing out...so, much more to say on this topic of myself and my birthday and ideals and goals and mommy journey but i'll save it for the early morning if i can get up before my family...

Auntie raspberry's wedding

2011-08-14T23:33:00.000-07:00

i got home so late after such a long day all i could post last night was the title...my red haired cousin (hence the "raspberry" nickname...just like sea has "strawberry blonde hair") got married today. i took almost 500 photos which isn't that noteworthy for me but i did get a few good shots which was surprising only because i had to chase sea and story opposite directions on their sugar highed sleep deprived zooming around the grounds...

love and peanut butter pie

2011-08-13T22:48:00.000-07:00

my mom used to make peanut butter pie when we were growing up...i recently read this heart breaking post on my friend amanda's blog about a fellow blogger whose husband died suddenly of a heart attack. apparently he loved peanut butter pie and she asked that we make peanut butter pie and hug our families close this past friday in remembrance of him...so we are in my home town this weekend for my cousin's wedding so i asked my mom to make the pie...we are up late, kids playing with auntie and mimi...story is saying "CHEEEEESSSSSSSE!!!" in a very loud cheesy voice in this photo...off to bed...

eating rocket ship popcicles

2011-08-12T18:33:00.000-07:00

i was much more interested in blogging this morning when i'd had just a little bit too much kona coffee with vanilla flavored coconut cream...i was buzzing around the house, proud of myself for getting so much accomplished so early...usually friday comes around and i'm left with too much i'm trying to cram in and no free time...but today i agreed to meet a friend at the children's museum downtown at 2 which meant i had to feed the children two meals, clean them up, clean the house and do laundry before i left. right now i have resorted to letting them watch "martha speaks", probably their favorite show on PBS kids while they eat homemade rocket ship popcicles like the ones shown here...of course i'm also trying to cook dinner...pasta with vegetables, olive oil, garlic, toasted pine nuts...fresh tomatoes and fresh basil out of our garden...i'm thinking about opening a bottle of red wine...kids are fighting over what to watch...dog is looking for things to chew...cat is trying to escape outside...i need to start making plans for going out of town for my cousin ally's wedding...mom and sis want us to come tonight but i think we aren't going until tomorrow...off to be productive and i'll check back in when i have more time (ha!) or at least more creative juices (caffeine)...

sea world with auntie marci

2011-08-11T20:00:00.000-07:00

Mary "puppet" poppins

2011-08-10T22:43:00.001-07:00

just got back from the opening night here in san diego of mary poppins...we were a little higher than i would have liked to be (if i saw the show again i'd try to sit somewhere where she could fly over our head at the end)...but this has been one of sea's all time favorite movies that she likes to watch over and over and she sings all the little songs so we were super excited to go as a family...

this first shaky photo is when mary poppins first arrived with the note from the children with their requests in a nanny...(quick disclaimer for the rest of the photos...there was "no cameras or video recorders allowed" and so i took these photos from the balcony, with my zoom lens, with no flash, hidden behind the camera case! also recorded many songs with my iphone videotaping at the same time so i'm fairly impressed with how they turned out!)...
"a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down..."
"supercalifragilistickxpialidocious"
right before mary poppins took off into the sky (i got too excited and took it too early)...
would have been a good shot if i'd calmed down and wasn't shaking the camera...
"let's go fly a kite!"
mary poppins flying with the kites...
i could totally imagine sea doing theatre...she was enthralled...singing, dancing standing up in her seat...hugest smile on her face...we even went afterwards to talk with mary poppins up at the stage...until they started talking about the logistics of how they got her up with cables...fortunately sea wasn't listening and we were able to leave with her wanting to purchase an umbrella like mary poppins' so she could fly, too...

"cindergordin"

2011-08-09T21:46:00.000-07:00

i've really had trouble with balance lately...wanting to put my family and being in the moment before others or this blog or not to worry more about recording life over living it...signing up for nablopomo doesn't help...i know it usually only motivates me to get on here and then i resent when days go by i HAVE to make time for this blog but am not feeling it...or at the expense of my family...

i feel like i'm coming to a cross roads or pivotal milestone or time of change or something like that for my daughter, sea. she just turned 6 the end of last month...but something about not being able to count her age all on one hand...not having the "play based" kindergarten...i'm not sure what the difference is, but i feel it. or maybe i'm projecting it onto her from my own experiences at her age...i know when i studied child development in my psychology classes they talked about how impressionable the first five years are...am i losing my influence on her now? i'm over-analyzing all this but she is worried about something, too. the last few weeks she will bring up how she doesn't want to go to school. i try to calmly ask her why and find out what she is worried about and she usually says something about wanting to stay home with me...that she can always do home school instead. it is true, i have told her if school doesn't work out that we can do that...i just haven't figured out what the criteria is for not working out...i've told her she needs to at least give first grade a chance.

i adored her kindergarten teacher. i think the only thing i could have adored about her more is if she had been warm and fuzzy and emotional and touchy feely but those qualities probably would have been at the expense of some of her characteristics that really worked for sea and our family like her strength, security, forceful nature...she is passionate in her beliefs and has the integrity to do what she believes in over the wishes of the school, district, state, etc. that kept shoving "worksheets" at her...she insisted on hands on learning, letting children play, move, be children, learn at their own pace, learn through art, music, dance...and by golly sea learned to read even when we did no homework and my only goal was for her to enjoy being a child and play...i have been looking for a similarly minded 1st grade teacher and unfortunately with budget cuts they've moved people around and i don't know who we will get...i know sea is strong, adaptable, secure, enjoys learning...she'll probably do fine with more structure and even with homework. but i think we are both worried. i asked her last night to tell me more about kindergarten. i was hoping if she could tell me about her experiences from last year i might get a feel for how that might contrast with her expectations for 1st grade. so maybe tomorrow i'll ask her to make me a book about 1st grade.

here is what she wrote about "cindergordin" (i love her phonetic spelling and that her teacher encourages it and doesn't try to correct it so they will try on their own):

"we dra thans awt of shaps"
"we mac sure (can't read how she wrote that) evryone is he rit now"
"we do reses thas the fonist ever now" (richard scarry reference with the "best __ ever")
"we pat (paint) ik"
"we do math"
"bot i do not like skool" (love her arms crossed and colored in for emphasis)
"i like to sta hom"
i believe we are hugging each other in this last drawing...i really want to hold on to her "too" tightly (we say things like i love you "too much" when we really like something)...not sure how to let go enough to let her thrive and find her own way when there is so much i want to influence and be a part of...

heart to heart

2011-08-08T23:47:00.001-07:00

up late talking to my husband...fell asleep...just happened to wake up minutes before midnight to get this idea down...will follow up in the a.m....

all day at the beach

2011-08-07T22:12:00.000-07:00

kind of cheating for nablopomo...spent all day today at coronado dog beach...no photos...just got home...more details tomorrow...

blogher san diego concluding and sleep

2011-08-06T20:14:00.001-07:00

i live in san diego. i love it here. i also love writing...and blogging...and wish i had attended the blogher 2001 conference here in my own town...one of my friends and favorite mommy bloggers here in san diego, elaine of wannabehippie wrote this post about her experience there. i had an entire post on this topic i've been writing in my head the past 24 hours while the conference has been going on and have no energy to find where those ideas are now...one of the last things elaine wrote was about napping and i'm so focused on sleep right now i can't even share the connections i had with her on this list...

my sister came to visit yesterday and we went to sea world for like 8 hours or something. today i led sabbath school, hung out at our community pool and then went to one of sea's "students" (classmates') 6th birthday party for the past 3+ hours...i'm ready for bed before my children so all meaningful ideas will have to come another time. i'm leaving you with these images of my husband and son sleeping...off to do the same...

brilliance

2011-08-05T00:01:00.000-07:00

my daughter, sea...at the sea...age 3...

i feel like a post like this needs a lot of disclaimers...explanations...yet brilliance is something on some level you just get...feel...know...lots of metaphors involved, some apply to just you, some to a few, some to many...i've been wanting to write this post for awhile with much to say and little words to express my ideas...

maybe i should give some context...i have very few readers on this blog. maybe no REGULAR readers in fact (meaning people who don't want to miss anything i've written). i both love and hate this about blogging. you can be fairly anonymous most of the time but when you really feel you have something to say and want an audience...people who relate, "get" you, can give you advice or even when you have advice to give that you think would help many, there is no one there on the receiving end...

i'm not saying this post is going to be profound. i think one component of brilliance is actually humility and being able to "show" brilliance without talking about it. herein lies the irony of trying to write about brilliance.

so more context...i've often thought of myself as brilliant...at different times in my life perhaps i "needed" that belief...or was around people i couldn't relate with so i assumed i was on another level...or from a psychological standpoint, i believe i suffer from some variant of "narcissistic personality disorder" (i was going to write more on this later but quickly did a DSM search for actual criteria...maybe i used to qualify but probably not so much anymore...) i think there is a distinction to be made between selfishness and self-absorption though they can obviously often overlap...i often get consumed by myself yet can still give quite a bit to others...

so more background...i drank too much coffee around 5 p.m. last night and was up much of the night thinking about many things, this idea being one of them...i'll tell you why in a moment after a little more background...i had ideas literally pulsing through my head and felt compelled to write...so much so that finally by 5 a.m. i got up and wrote down a few key words so i wouldn't forget when i actually woke up for good...i probably should have just written this post then when i "felt" it but i felt that was too self-indulgent and many people would pay for it later, myself included.

this post is actually dedicated to a dear friend. i won't say his name or how i know him to protect him (from all the readers i don't have...ha ha!)...he is such a close friend that our family thinks of him as a brother/uncle...we were recently IMing on topics that were way too big and meaningful for the amount of time/energy/effort i was able to put into them. this is frustrating on many levels since i'm always craving meaning and sharing big ideas i feel few people can relate with (back to my narcissism or overly inflated belief in my own brilliance) and i wanted to offer him more...i just didn't have it in that moment. only he really needed it then. so we said goodbye and that we would reconvene and i've been reflecting on many of the issues since then. i still don't have any answers...very frustrating when you feel brilliant in some areas but these don't match with ways you can USE your knowledge/ideas...

but i was reflecting how brilliance is something i think all three of us have in common...three being myself, my husband and this friend, person X...i just think we are brilliant in different ways. i also think we share a perhaps overly healthy dose of self-confidence in ourselves...from a psychological standpoint this grandiosity and subsequent narcissistic result actually stem from an inherent insecurity or lack of self from childhood. can't speak for X on that one, but i know both my husband and i felt misunderstood and like we were not allowed to be who we were as children...i had a very late development of "identity" in my late 20's...in fact i feel like i'm still crafting and/or figuring out "who i am" and this has been a life long struggle for me...

so what is brilliance? dictionary.com offers:

"1. great brightness; luster: the brilliance of a fine diamond.

2.excellence or distinction; conspicuous talent, mental ability, etc.

3.splendor, elegance, or magnificence: the brilliance of the court of Louis XIV.

4.optics . that luminance of a body consisting of its saturation and brightness."

i chose brilliance over "intelligence" because of the additional meanings. when i used to teach psychology at the college level i always enjoyed the discussions that would ensue during our intelligence topic. most people think they know what it is, but when asked to come up with a definition we realize there is so much that goes in...so many types of intelligence...i would also bring up ideas like how intuitive someone is, how motivated they are, whether they follow through on their abilities, their self-confidence not to mention all the different ways someone can be smart. one of my big frustrations is that measures of IQ can only be as good as the people who made them...you are only testing what you put into the creation of the test and somehow we decided to give that much power to a few people? how did we measure their idea to come up with the criteria/specifics of the test? i just think most psychological IQ tests were made for something very specific and often it is just measuring how well people do in typically academically measurable ways...some of the smartest people i know would do really poorly in these areas but shine in so many others...i would also talk about how practical IQ was and whether people had common sense or could relate with others...many of us have had the super smart teacher who had the knowledge in his/her head but no people skills or teaching skills, for example...then there are the people who can just memorize a lot of data and they can come up on games like trivial pursuit or knowing a lot of stats in one area...

i'm quickly losing interest in this topic. i could relate with it on a personal level last night and now it is feeling like i'm writing an essay on something i'm supposed to do instead of something i want to do...so i'll go back to making it more personal...

my friend, person X was struggling with some things and felt like he was not impacting me or people he would like to impact. so i was thinking about the idea of brilliance specifically in his case. he has impacted me in many ways i can't even articulate! thus one of the frustrating things about trying to measure something like this...you don't necessarily get to see the output! i have always thought of him as quite brilliant, capable of so much. what that is you (or he?) might ask and again, i don't know...i think we have to find our own way but my goal has just to be as honest with myself, aware of my limitations but striving to maximize what i do have control over...he has mentioned how i have mentored him but i'm trying to explain the idea that he has done the same for me...we have learned from one another...

we get to try to re-connect today. i may or may not follow up with a blog post on the topic, but i feel better after free associating a little on the topic...

recommendation for restaurants in san diego

2011-08-04T08:19:00.000-07:00

sea and story coloring their kids' menu at spaghetti factory in downtown san diego

i consider myself a "foodie"...it is a significant part of my identity...i've always loved food...mainly eating it, but also i was a server in several restaurants (most of them in the napa valley) for 16 years...i enjoy cooking food, learning about food, learning about nutrition, etc. i eat a LOT of food...often...fast metabolism...i "live to eat" instead of "eating to live" as my dad would say...very few foods i dislike...i love the social nature of eating with friends/family...

one of my friends sent me a fb message asking for a recommendation for a place to eat dinner here in san diego this coming saturday night...somehow i couldn't just throw her out one or two ideas...i feel like i need to figure out her values, factors she is considering, etc. analysis to come up with the perfect fit (i spend way too much time on details)...her request was "fun, yummy and kid friendly"...

the criteria i usually use to find a place to eat is 1) participants' requirements 2) location
3) ambiance/cool factor 4) food 5) service 6) cost

i usually get about two of these things in any dining experience...especially with kids...

so looking at her requirements, i'm not sure what qualities make dining fun...not sure what type of cuisine she typically likes...but i have two rambunctious children so i can definitely speak to how "kid friendly" many places are...

so i'll start with her location. she is going to be at qualcomm stadium which is right near where we live. if i was visiting san diego, i would make location a very high priority in the restaurant i chose...either to be reflective of "san diego" and all this town has to offer (beach locations, cool downtown, etc.) or in her case she may just want to be close to where she will be...will have to clarify that...so the major areas i would consider as far as location are 1) la jolla (looking out over the the ocean and near seals, shopping, etc.) 2) coronado (another beach location) 3) downtown (usually busy and lots to see) 4) old town san diego ("fun" criteria met here)...

next i would look at type of cuisine her family usually enjoys. we often eat thai/vietnamese/asian, italian or mexican. actually, unless someone is visiting and makes a recommendation, we usually choose a restaurant based on low cost and/or easy (close to where we are/kid friendly)...so as much as i consider myself a "foodie" have by no means eaten my way around san diego...i will share some of the places we often go to give an idea of suggestions i would make...

for "location" or at least an awesome view i would go to brockton villa overlooking the la jolla coast line. i especially like this location for breakfast but you can get their coast toast (orange flavored souffle-like french toast) all day...this might be a nice place at sunset...not necessarily "fun" or particularly kid friendly but there are always families there and it is right across from the seals...service will only be fair and cost is a little overpriced but probably worth it for the view...this is where we took my dad for his 65th birthday right before he passed away...

another location i would consider is coronado. it is an awesome self-contained "island" just on the other side of a bridge from downtown san diego. lots of places that are within walking distance. we like to eat at village pizzeria...GREAT pizza, if you like garlic i'd highly recommend asking for a side of their garlic oil and pouring it all over whatever pizza you order. the location of the restaurant itself is not awesome but it is right near the beach and right on the main street with all the shops and i would fit coronado or a beach town in if you are in san diego...i just found out on yelp there is another location which might be better because it actually has a view of downtown san diego...i would say the service here is good, ambiance just ok, definitely very kid friendly (lot of kids/families here)...

next, for location, i would consider old town san diego. there are a LOT of mexican restaurants in close proximity up and down the main street and throughout this whole area...we like to go to casa de reyes because it is right in a colorful courtyard with shops, live music playing on a nearby stage, great outdoor tables (you HAVE to eat outside if you go here), fountains, lots of people and overall "fun" i would say...the food unfortunately is just average and the service probably even less so with prices too high...but they have HUGE what some call "bird bath" margaritas which can help a lot of those other variables...this was actually the last place we eat the night my dad died...i couldn't bring myself to post photos from that day, so here is one from when his family came out years later...
and sea dancing in front of the stage next to the restaurant...
i never thought i'd be recommending spaghetti factory but if i wanted to get the downtown san diego scene and still be kid friendly, reasonably priced and decent food, that is where i'd go. i'd pay the $15 for valet parking (or pay a nearby lot) to avoid driving around and around for close to an hour to find street parking.

another family friendly choice would be filippi's located in little italy near our old house in banker's hill and also near downtown san diego. it was the first san diego restaurant we found when we moved here...line out the door (but the line moves quickly)...family owned, huge portions, great price, good food, lots of families here...

i've left off several of our favorite thai places...lotus thai and taste of thai both in hillcrest...i really enjoy their food and we usually get great service but the cost is high, not a great location and not kid friendly so i left those off...

my sister is visiting tonight and we are using a groupon to go to indian food...maybe i'll add that to my quick overview of san diego favs...

happy 8th anniversary!

2011-08-03T22:09:00.000-07:00

i have so much to write about m and nothing at the same time...not sure if that makes sense...here is what i wrote tonight as my facebook status update:

"manuel avitia...on this day, you have been my friend for 21 years, best friend for 16 years, devoted husband for 8 years and unbelievable daddy to our children for 6...you have always been loyal, understanding, supportive, honest, loving, and have more integrity than anyone i know. i thank God for you and His promise that we can be together for eternity..."

factually all true...i just wish there was more i could say/do/write...i'm not sure what...i always feel like he has given me more than i can ever return...probably because our relationship began when i was in such a dark place and he was the light that pulled me out...i can't go into all these things right now but someday, i hope to share more about my husband, my soul mate, my best friend...

neighborhood watch

2011-08-02T20:46:00.001-07:00

tonight i hosted a neighborhood party (in honor of "neighborhood watch night out"...to bring awareness to our neighbors and looking out for one another) in my front yard. WAY too ambitious for the amount of time i put in and the chaos that ensued...i sent out a last minute e-mail to neighbors and a few nearby friends and the fact that i have NO photos from this event should be an indicator of how it went...looked great with our little round craft table covered with an indian bright yellow tablecloth and the kids' favorite snacks, red dixie cups for red wine or margaritas, i remembered snacks for the dogs who passed by but forgot to pass them out when dogs did arrive, didn't finish making mint tea or even the lemonade i promised...no freshly picked mint from our garden...a few beach chairs were too low for most of the older people and too impractical for those with families who had to chase little ones on bikes, trikes, push bikes, scooters, etc...that would be the main thing that kept me crazy...sea is so excited to be riding a bike now she wanted to express her freedom by zooming off down hills and out of sight...story followed her on his trike, no helmet...then opposite ways...i did get to chat with a few friends and neighbors and was glad many stopped by...

our next door neighbor, miss barbara came down...sea adores her and invited her twice by going over to her house and inviting her to the party before hand and then again when people arrived to let her know she was missing the party...she was wearing an adorable white blouse with yellow and white daisies all over it and came with a camera to take a photo of sea...she reminds me of hazelle in so many ways...so put together and on top of it all but also somewhat vain and not wanting to be in the photos herself...still flattered she came and tried to capture the moment...sea wrote this note (it reads "auntie barbara it is sea. i want you to come over to my house whenever you are ready to because i want you to see my new cat. thank you auntie barbara goodbye") to her several months back and it was the most memorable "neighbor" photo i could find...

i'm exhausted so i'm off to bed...8th wedding anniversary tomorrow so i'm going to concentrate my efforts there and probably not blog again until late tomorrow night...